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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
sizeofalentil · 29/04/2016 13:00

Just send her the link/ picture of it and ask if it's ok. Even if you don't know the bride that well she won't mind that you're being over considerate.

I had a lot of people ask me what my bridesmaids were wearing so they didn't clash and just thought they were bring ultra-sweet.

AmyInTheBoonies · 29/04/2016 13:01

Definitely check with the bride what colour her bridesmaids dresses are.

If it's a different colour I think it would be fine. Though if it's white she might look like an unofficial flower girl.

All a bit tricky, depends on how relaxed or not the bride is. If the dress is dissimilar too the bridesmaids I think it should be fine.

EskSmith · 29/04/2016 13:01

YABU.
Only those invited to be bridesmaids should dress in dresses clearly identified as for bridesmaids. As SDTG says there are plenty of pretty dresses out there she could wear. Keep the charity shop on for dressing up.

If I saw a parent do this I would feel they were trying to muscle in or make a point.

MyKingdomForBrie · 29/04/2016 13:01

I agree with those saying ask her but I mostly agree with mango - where's the line between party dress and BM dress? It's only really a BM dress if it matches the wedding party and she's trotting round with flowers!

MeridianB · 29/04/2016 13:09

It depends a little on the bride. If she is prone to sensitivity or if it's a really small wedding then I'd say ask her.

Otherwise, let your DD wear the lovely dress. As others have said, it will only look BM-y if she has flowers and is trying to walk down the aisle with bride.

I have twin cousins who were aged 6 when I married, My mum knew they didn't have much spare cash and so bought them each a (different) gorgeous dress from Monsoon for their birthday shortly before. They looked so lovely and twirled all afternoon but everyone knew they weren't BMs.

toastandbutterandjam · 29/04/2016 13:09

My Dsis was a bridesmaid a few years ago. Her dress was a bridesmaids dress, but it didn't look like one. It looked like a little girls party dress.
The bride chose a colour that she didn't think anyone would turn up to the wedding in, so the bridesmaids stood out.

If it was my wedding, I would have no problem with a little girl wearing a dress like you described, but some people might.

You would be best to talk to the bride and ask her what she thinks (colour scheme etc).

SirVixofVixHall · 29/04/2016 13:12

I agree with the pp who said that most little girls party dresses are interchangable with bridesmaids dresses anyway. I don't think there is a special code for flower girl/bridesmaid. When I see small girls in party dresses at weddings I think "how lovely" not "look at that child upstaging the actual bridesmaid". It's not like a woman going to a Wedding in white lace.

AvaLeStrange · 29/04/2016 13:13

Accessorize it in a very different colour from the bridesmaids and it should be fine, check with bride first if poss.

I must admit I've always been a bit Hmm about non-bridesmaids wearing overly frou frou dresses to weddings, and always tried to dress DD very obviously not like one, but have still been asked if she's a flower girl purely because she was wearing a dress and the same age as the bridesmaids niece!

carabos · 29/04/2016 13:14

Depends entirely on the colour IMO. If its a pink dress and the BMs are in pink, then no. If it's clearly not in the bridal colour scheme, then maybe ok.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 29/04/2016 13:14

Surely you would have to be a special kind of Bridezilla to take any issue at all with a 6yo's guests frock?

As long as she's not steaming up to the altar to stand by the bride I think she would be fine.

OohMavis · 29/04/2016 13:19

I think it depends how formal it is, to be honest. If it's cream silk with pearls and a 17-layered petticoat it might raise some eyebrows, but a lot of dresses designed as little girl's bridesmaid dresses are really just party dresses anyway.

HanYOLO · 29/04/2016 13:21

I think dress it down and its fine. Non bridesmaidy hair - plaits or something, sandals or funky shoes, bright colour cardi to go with.

I think it depends how many of her marbles the bride has lost in the wedding planning process so far. No-one I know would mind at all.

Misnomer · 29/04/2016 13:21

Wasn't there a thread a while ago about a stealth bridesmaid? The bride didn't want any bridesmaids/flower girls but someone in the bridal party dressed up and made her walk with the bride anyway?

I'd check with the bride, I think. Or accesorize with other colours so she doesn't look like part of the bridal party. I went to a wedding a little while ago and there was a guest in a long white dress. Knowing the bride, it did not go down well!

MGC1986 · 29/04/2016 13:22

You could put her in a different dress for the service and then change her into the pretty dress for the reception. If you feel it's too similar then you can choose not to.

Misnomer · 29/04/2016 13:22

*dressed up her child

chillycurtains · 29/04/2016 13:22

I think it's fine if you check it with her or at least ask the colour and style of the bridesmaids. Your DD might be embarassed or even teased by the other bridesmaids if she looks too similar to them.

toobreathless · 29/04/2016 13:23

Dye it!

She can choose the colour within reason - maybe not black.

Sorted!

LaBelleOtero · 29/04/2016 13:23

Just ask the bride. Send her a pic of the dress. Don't make any other plans till then, it's a waste of energy!

practisingpatience · 29/04/2016 13:23

Sorry but I definitely wouldn't do this.

It happened to my DP's parents over 30 years ago and its still talked about when we go through the albums!

Their wedding was very small and low key, so the ''bridesmaid' in question did stick out like a sore thumb.

Some folks might not care, IF dp pulls his finger out and actually marries me at some point.... I would be rather peed off.

FuzzyOwl · 29/04/2016 13:24

One of my best friend's daughter wore a floaty princess-like dress to my wedding and she was easily the best dressed person there. She looked gorgeous and it didn't even cross my mind to worry about her looking like my bridesmaids (who were adults) or my flower girl.

Perhaps check with the bride if you are concerned.

rookiemere · 29/04/2016 13:25

It's a 6 year old in a pretty dress.

Provided you aren't shoving her down the aisle behind the bride or making your DD hand her a horseshoe, I'd be very surprised if anyone gave it a second thought.
After all your DD is going to be wearing a dress of some description, just because it's a frou-frou dress doesn't mean she's assuming the role.

Plus I absolutely love a good charity shop bargain Grin.

TheNaze73 · 29/04/2016 13:27

I think YABU, she's not a bridesmaid. Can understand you're rationale for why & it wouldn't get my goat but, some would get proper arsey over this

araiba · 29/04/2016 13:27

you should also wear a brides dress and take dh in a tux too

the three will look wonderful together

Floggingmolly · 29/04/2016 13:27

Do you have a picture of the dress? If it really is a beautiful frothy dress, designed as a bridesmaid's dress as you say; I really wouldn't dress her in it.
It'll look as if you're desperately trying to include her in the bridal party, even if the bride says she doesn't mind.

jumpjumpformylove · 29/04/2016 13:29

People do like to over-react! She's a six year old child in a pretty dress!

I've looked at the bridesmaid's dresses for little girls on John Lewis and each one is suitable for a little girl, especially if dressed down with cardi and tights.

I'd question the sanity of any guest who would think badly of a little girl dressed nicely for a wedding - and if they're still talking about it 30 years later?! They really ought to find some hobbies.