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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
plimsolls · 29/04/2016 13:29

I've never been to a wedding where they had child bridesmaids. All the little girls I've ever seen at weddings are all wearing pretty princess type dresses (which I assume are also bridesmaid type dresses really). Therefore, no one would have batted an eyelid at your DD wearing the dress you describe. If anyone noticed at all, it would be "ah, doesn't that little girl look lovely. I bet she loves her dress"

However, from responses up thread it seems that this is not always the case particularly if there are little girl bridesmaids.

I think your best bet is to text the bride and say "I picked up a lovely [description] dress for DD in a charity shop but now I'm paranoid it might be similar to what you have planned for your bridesmaids.... Please let me know if so!"

plantsitter · 29/04/2016 13:30

I would check with the bride. If it's a different colour she won't look like a bridesmaid and the bride will be glad you asked rather than just letting her.

SpecialStains · 29/04/2016 13:32

I can't even remember what friends children were wearing at my wedding, though I vaguely recall some very cute and smartly dressed little boys and little girls in lovely, frilly dresses (we didn't have little bridesmaids or page boys). All little girls party dresses are sweet and bridesmaid like anyway.

If you suspect your friend is prone to melodramatics, maybe check with the bride. I can't believe there are people on this thread with relatives upset about a childs outfit years ago! In your shoes, I wouldn't worry about it and just feign ignorance on the day.

jumpjumpformylove · 29/04/2016 13:32

You know, she's not some attention seeking young woman dressed in a tight white dress to draw attention away from the bride! She's a little girl. Let her wear the dress, relax and enjoy the day.

Heaven's above, I know why some people have relationship troubles when they can't even allow a blinkin' child wear a pretty dress for a special day without it "ruining things".

acasualobserver · 29/04/2016 13:33

Wedding = social minefield. I'm glad I never had one.

NoCakeLeft · 29/04/2016 13:37

Now I wish I had a bigger wedding, just so I could invite you and your DD. So she could show off. But we only have the family and 2 friends from each side.
In fact, I think I will mention to all the mothers who will be coming to my wedding to get white dresses for their daughters. It's about 5 girls wearing white! How cute. Halo

DancingLady · 29/04/2016 13:39

A cousin did this at my wedding. My two DNs were flower girls, and my cousin dressed her DD (same age as my DNs) in a very similar white bridesmaid dress. Her DD stood in some of the photos near the front with the other flower girls. I wasn't pissed off about it, just a bit surprised!

HowBadIsThisPlease · 29/04/2016 13:40

I am clearly very socially challenged because I have no idea where the line is between a 6 year old's bestest flounciest party dress, and what is obviously a bridesmaid dress. When was this line invented and does everyone else know where it is?

BaskingTrout · 29/04/2016 13:41

I would check, not for the sake of the bride but for your DD.

I remember being a child of about 7 and attending an event sort of like a local town Rose Queen crowning, in a bridesmaid dress. People kept asking me if I was a rose queen and I kept having to say no. I was really embarrassed and felt like people were staring at me. I'm sure they weren't but it has stuck in my head as a day where I didn't feel comfortable.

I realise I am projecting somewhat here and I have no idea whether being mistaken for a bridesmaid would upset your DD or not, OP. But I would say its worth checking with the bride what the colour scheme is, and making sure your DD looks sufficiently different from the BM's not to create confusion.

SpecialStains · 29/04/2016 13:42

a casual observer only the weddings I read about on here seem to be social minefields! All the ones I've been to, (including my own, which I would like to have again as it was such a nice day!), were just nice big parties where you celebrate the couple, admire how pretty the bride looks, hand over a present/card and then get to drink and catch up with friends and by midnight you are doing some questionable dancing! Maybe I just don't notice the trail of ettiquette mayhem I unwittingly cause...

CharlieSierra · 29/04/2016 13:42

designed as bridesmaids dresses = they are bridesmaids dresses. So the question is AIBU to take my child who is not a bridesmaid in a bridesmaids dress. Answer is yes YABU, it's rude and there are plenty of nice dresses for children who are guests. Obviously on MN any bride who minded would be a complete twat, raging bridezilla etc. Even if the bride doesn't care or notice other people will.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 29/04/2016 13:43

Flowery my mum did that. She dressed my sister in the colours of her stepdaughters wedding. My step sister didn't ask my sister to be bridesmaid and the whole family was shocked and people said so. She had her own daughter and the daughter of her brothers fiancée (a woman she proclaimed to despise). My sister (and her sister don't forget) was 7 and very upset. So it was revenge on my mums part. My sister was asked to do a reading as compensation. My mum never had to see her stepdaughter and didn't see my point about upsetting everyone unnecessarily. To no avail. Years later she still tells the story with glee. Hmm

NapQueen · 29/04/2016 13:44

If its white/cream/ivory or the colour of the bridal party the Yabu. If not, meh.

summerdreams · 29/04/2016 13:44

I would definately not be bothered if I was the bride and if she is she needs to grow up. I don't think any adult should be that effected by what a 6 year old is wearing most pretty party dresses could also be bridesmaids dresses.

NapQueen · 29/04/2016 13:44

Ahhh just re read and you say cream. So Yabu.

NapQueen · 29/04/2016 13:46

I think its more for the actual bridesmaids rather than the bride. If your 6yo/you g daughter was a bridesmaid, wouldnt a big fuss have been made of how special a treat - ooooh a nice pretty bridesmaid dress, you have got a very special job etc.

Then another kid who isnt a bridesmaid turns up in the same type of dress.

prettybird · 29/04/2016 13:46

If you're worried, ask the bride-to-be. I'm sure she'll be fine but it would put your mind at rest.

Personally, I wouldn't have an issue with it. A pretty wee girl in a pretty dress is just that. She's not a threat to the bride.

Although given that my MIL objected to a friend of ours who wore the most gorgeous enormous feathery cream concoction of a hat, complaining that it was "a mother-of-the-bride" hat Confused(In fact, my mum chose not to wear a hat), it might be helpful to have the bride's "approval". Grin

carabos · 29/04/2016 13:47

Cream wouldn't matter if the bridal theme colour is say, green.

summerdreams · 29/04/2016 13:49

Serious question do people actually remember and pay attention to what children are wearing at weddings ? I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and have no memory of what any of the children where wearing Hmm.

MegBusset · 29/04/2016 13:50

Let DD wear the dress! It's a cute child in a frothy dress at a wedding, what's the problem?

MegBusset · 29/04/2016 13:52

"I think its more for the actual bridesmaids rather than the bride. If your 6yo/you g daughter was a bridesmaid, wouldnt a big fuss have been made of how special a treat - ooooh a nice pretty bridesmaid dress, you have got a very special job etc.

Then another kid who isnt a bridesmaid turns up in the same type of dress"

I don't know any 6yos who would even notice let alone care what dress another child was wearing! Unless they have it pointed out by adults who really ought to find something more important to give brain space to!

AnnPerkins · 29/04/2016 13:52

I would. I can't see the problem. She's only six, she's hardly going to steal the whole show with a dress.

I agree with everything summerdreams said in fact.

diddl · 29/04/2016 13:53

I would say that it depends on what the bridesmaids are wearing.

I had one adult bridesmaid in a burgundy dress.

It wouldn't have bothered me at all.

All you can do is ask.

jumpjumpformylove · 29/04/2016 13:54

Yes, imagine having the trauma of upsetting the bride on her most magical day on your daughter's conscience for the rest of her life.

She'll never want to wear satin or lace ever again after all these people notice her; this tiny little person in a cream dress. Confused

WeAllHaveWings · 29/04/2016 13:55

Looking at the current John Lewis dresses they are unmistakably flower girl/bridesmaid dresses so I would say don't do it if the dress is white/cream, even with a pink cardigan its likely the cardigan will come off at some point.