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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
sallyhasleftthebuilding · 02/05/2016 23:22

When my DM remarried - she chose my younger sister as BM -

My younger cousin was not a BM but wore a BM dress - she's in every photo -

Not a single one of DM and DSF alone or with just us kids -

Every single photo!!'

I can see why this would be annoying -

Let her wear the dress - but watch she's not in all the pictures

TheTapir · 03/05/2016 15:27

At my wedding a fairly distant relative of my husband's turned up with her little boy dressed in a page boy outfit. As I'd told all my close family with small children that I wasn't having page boys/bridesmaids/flower girls it was a complete nightmare and caused a lot of bad feeling. I spent a significant amount of time on my wedding day explaining to people. We also had to make sure the photographer new that he wasn't a page boy and wasn't to be in any of the wedding party photos.

I really wouldn't dress her in a bridesmaid dress, why risk giving the bride a headache on her wedding day?Just find something else.

TheTapir · 03/05/2016 15:27

*knew

MsRinky · 03/05/2016 15:41

If the bride has six adult bridesmaids, I would put quite a lot of money on her being at the Bridezilla end of the spectrum, and I'm sure if she wanted a flower-girl, she'd have had one.

But then, I wouldn't be attending the wedding of anyone I didn't know well enough to give them a call and say "I found DD this cute dress, is it OK with you if she wears it to your wedding, or would you prefer she wore something else, fine with me either way, just want you to have a fantastic day".

CharlieSierra · 03/05/2016 18:25

If the bride has six adult bridesmaids, I would put quite a lot of money on her being at the Bridezilla end of the spectrum

Why?

Janecc · 03/05/2016 19:18

Ok maybe not bridezilla - who knows- but definitely precise in her wishes. That number of bridesmaids is massive. And she may not be ok with a child in bms dress. It his her very expensive day. I cannot believe it's too hard to make a call/text/email to ask. We asked with dds dress up thread and were surprised it was ok - I even got rh to double check. I'm the one, who found a bms dress incorrectly priced at £5.50.

Janeymoo50 · 03/05/2016 19:24

If it looks like a bridesmaid dress, then no way.

Janecc · 03/05/2016 19:39

DD was really sad when she wasn't asked to be a bm at a wedding last year. It was a cousins birthday. I did buy DD a white dress with a lace bodice and net skirt from Next, it was a dress for special occasions but definitely not a traditional bridesmaids dress. I knew that DD wouldn't upstage the flower girls, not because I knew what they were wearing but because knowing their mother, it was guaranteed they'd have proper bm dresses. In this case tbh, I wouldn't have bought her a traditional satin cream/white or full length bridesmaids dress of any colour because it may have been misconstrued as trying to muscle in. I was more concerned with Brooking my dds disappointment, it never occurred to me to be guestzilla.

Janecc · 03/05/2016 19:40

And DD was also the only other little girl there not to be a bm. So same scenario as op.

Witchend · 03/05/2016 19:49

When dd1 was about 6yo and dd2 was 3yo we were going to dh's cousin's wedding. His cousin is lovely and totally unbridezilla over the day.
But she asked us to try not to dress then like the bridesmaids, who were wearing a dress very like the OPs because they had bm who were the exact same age.
I didn't mind a bit, I don't know if she was worried I'd think they should have been bm (I know dh's dgm was a little disappointed,) but in all honesty they didn't know out dc that well and I'd have been a little embarrassed if they'd been asked as I'd have suspected pressure to include them.
So I made sure my pair were in dark pink floral party dresses, nothing like the bm.

But that shows how a bride might feel, and a perfectly lovely and reasonable bride at that.

CharlieSierra · 03/05/2016 19:50

Janecc I'm quite clear it's rude to wear it, just getting a bit tetchy about all the bridezilla comments. My DD has 2 extra bridesmaids purely because she was kind enough to include the groom's sisters, so number is no indication of anything negative at all. On MN it feels like a crime to have a nice wedding.

Janecc · 03/05/2016 21:05

Charlie I saw that. Hence my comment - designed to smooth over not give an opinion. Because we simply don't know anything about the bride. Calling her bridezilla is pure conjecture. Nor did I insinuate having a large number of bms is negative. Seriously is that what you read into my post?

MsRinky · 03/05/2016 21:26

It was me who cast aspertions about the number of adult bridesmaids. Half a dozen is a hell of a lot of bridesmaids, and to my mind increases the performance anxiety aspect of a wedding that leads to Bridezilladom - how can it not when there are enough for a chorus line? I have been to loads of weddings over the last decade, but none with more than 4 bridesmaids, and there was a definite correlation between the number of official attendants and the degree to which the bride was exercising the degree of control freakery necessary to coordinate such large number of active participants, rather than guests.

I'm sure your DD is lovely and I hope she enjoys her wedding. I would think it really odd, not kind, on the part of the bride, if I was asked to be bridesmaid at my brother's wedding though, your families are obviously different. I stand by my view that someone who has 6 bridesmaids and only one small girl attending the wedding would have a flower girl if she wanted one though.

CPtart · 03/05/2016 21:26

I would be pissed off as the bride.
I didn't want any bridesmaids. I didn't want anyone looking like a bridesmaid, cute little child or not.

CharlieSierra · 03/05/2016 21:27

No, it was MsRinky saying someone having 6 was an indication of bridezillaness, I was just explaining why. I am slightly over invested in sticking up for the bride these days, because my gorgeous girl is soon going to be one Grin

Waltermittythesequel · 04/05/2016 17:04

Jane you purposely went out and bought your dd a white dress because she wasn't picked as bridesmaid??

Wow.

IPityThePontipines · 04/05/2016 17:05

I didn't want any bridesmaids. I didn't want anyone looking like a bridesmaid, cute little child or not.

Dare I ask why?

Floggingmolly · 04/05/2016 17:09

it may have been msconstrued as trying to muscle in. I'd imagine that's exactly what dressing your dd in a white, lacy netted skirt number, Jane Shock
You dressed her like that because she was desperate to be a bridesmaid, ignoring the fact that she wasn't actually asked to be one?

Janecc · 04/05/2016 17:16

Walter you purposely called me a liar because you are a shit stirrer.

Wow.

As I said it was not from the bridesmaid range. To clarify it was from the occasion range and therefore most certainly not a bridesmaids dress. We went to Monsoon, M&S and Next. She wanted a dress from all 3 shops and in the end, I said she could pick two. One for the wedding and one for her birthday. And I let her pick which one she would like to wear for the wedding. She chose the white one from Next and I kept the peach one from Monsoon for her birthday. She had and still had no concept of what a bridesmaids dress and by the sound of it neither do you.

Janecc · 04/05/2016 17:28

Molly I also refer you to my last post.

I hardly know the cousin, who got married because he's so much younger so I was under no disillusion that he would ever think to ask DD. Oh and I've just remembered there was another smaller girl at the wedding - a child from another cousin and she was also in white but not a bm dress.

God talk about projection. I'm not in the slightest bit manipulative or interested in pushing DD forward. DD was in one official photo - the family photo on the grooms side. And as I said it wasn't a bridesmaids dress and she chose it not me. She's been picking her clothes since she was 18 months old. I'm a grown up and grown ups don't muscle their way in and play guestzilla however sad their DD is at not being picked to be a Bm.

I've got chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) I really don't have the time or energy for silly things like that anyway. Or these silly arguments.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/05/2016 17:34

I've come to the conclusion that bridesmaids dresses aren't what they used to be. There was a time when they could never be confused with a party dress but now it seems that anything goes and that's where the problem lies... the line is too close between a bridesmaids dress and a party dress - so close that it's smudged or non-existent.

If you want a wedding with bells and whistles then have one - and make the bridal party dress up accordingly. That way, no guest will be mistaken for any of you.

TurtleEclipseofTheHeart · 04/05/2016 17:45

Haven't rtft but honestly why on earth would anybody care if a little girl wore a pretty dress to a wedding? She isn't going to be walking down the aisle behind the bride so it genuinely absolutely baffles me that anyone would have a problem with it.

Onlyicanclean10 · 04/05/2016 17:49

Yes and you dress as a bride.

Go on would be a hoot.

CharlieSierra · 04/05/2016 17:56

See I think it's the party dresses which are out of hand Lying, I wouldn't ever have taken my child to a wedding in a frilly party dress because unless told otherwise the dress code for weddings is smart day wear, which a nylon netted party frock isn't. But I think they're hideous and belong in the dressing up box anyway, so my taste differs from many.

Janecc · 04/05/2016 18:02

Dhs cousin did that in her mid/late 20's. A short white number and she looked more stunning than the bride as she is a beautiful lady Sad for the bride, she upstaged her a bit. I think she was just being truly clueless - know this cousin well and she's a bit eccentric. Her mother said she would have a word so I was itching to see what she'd wear to my wedding and She came in a the most dowdy yellow 2 piece, which I think her mother picked out. I was disappointed for her tbh because it was truly awful and I wouldn't have minded her wearing the white dress again as I had a full on princess dress. I hope the bride can look back on that and see it wasn't malicious - or hopefully better stil, she was in heaven and blissfully unaware.