To be shocked at Dd's friend's tampon experience

[EdithBouvierBeale]

DD is ten and her class just had the period chat at school. One little girl, whose mum is a GP, was shown how to insert a tampon. Her mother demonstrated on herself by lying on her bed while her 10 year old DD watched.

To All of you who think this is a sign of a great relationship and perfectly natural-
Would you be comfortable looking at your mum's fanjo? When you were 10? Again at 13 for another demo when you started your periods? Again at 15 when you felt ready to start using tampons?

I think it's all well and good for the mum to be all " I'm so cool and open with my kids" but what about the kids? My mum totally over-shared. Still does. We do not have a good relationship. She has no boundaries. I'm very uncomfortable around her. She is not sensitive enough to notice/care.

^To All of you who think this is a sign of a great relationship and perfectly natural-
Would you be comfortable looking at your mum's fanjo?^

That's the thing - even though I personally couldn't do it, I can see that there really isn't a problem if you have a very open relationship with your mother where you can talk about anything.

soupdragon because it's your mother pushing something up her hoo-ha that's why.

No, it's because of your personal hang ups and an inability to see how other people's relationships work.

It's not sexual.
It's just personal hygiene.

Hoo-hah is a bloody stupid term BTW.

The only bit that surprises me is someone managing to put in a tampon lying down. That's way beyond my skill set.

I imagine a child who's always seen a lot of her parents' bodies and who lives in a house where people aren't bothered about nudity wouldn't find it odd or surprising.

It might be a lot more of a shock if your buttoned-up, formal, 'we don't talk about monthlies, dear/mind you don't let Daddy see your Tampax box in the bathroom' mother suddenly hoiked down her knickers and got gynaceological...

Gynaecological. Duh.

But the girl is not comfortable with it is she? The mum is but the girl thought it was disgusting. Probably there are loads of similar things going on between mum and daughters who are both comfortable. but the daughters aren't telling everyone at school that it was disgusting to try to process it like this girl did.
Obviously that might not be the case, but if the girl was so comfortable would she not have just kept it to herself?

Tychosnose - why does there need to be a gap between starting periods and using tampons? I used tampons right from the start. And nowadays, many girls do start their periods as young as 10 (some even earlier ). 13 would actually be quite late to start.

I can understand if her mum is a GP and they have a non-prudish attitude towards bodies, that her mum might have seen this as the easiest way of demonstrating what was going to happen. Personally, I'd have thought that standing up was easier if she was just demonstrating tampon insertion , but I wasn't there, so we don't know the context of the discussion.

Playground discussions, especially amongst 10-11 year olds, can often get blown out of proportion or misinterpreted. I remember one family friend's mum being horrified to find out that her dd was frightening her friends with stories of the "limpets" that she used during her period

Yikes.

By the way, I lived in a house where my parents were not bothered by nudity and walked round naked. There was also no lock on the bathroom door. No privacy at all in fact.
When I started my periods I hid it from my parents for years. I needed more privacy than they did. Some parents are not sensitive to their children and to me it sounds like this mum wasn't.

Jolly hockey sticks all round

TchosNose
We don't really know that the girl was not comfortable with it. If she was genuinely upset and embarrassed would she have shared with the whole class or did she tell people because she was comfortable only for all the classmates to start with the "Ewws" and for her to then quickly change her tune to fit in with her peers.

To All of you who think this is a sign of a great relationship and perfectly natural-
Would you be comfortable looking at your mum's fanjo? When you were 10? Again at 13 for another demo when you started your periods? Again at 15 when you felt ready to start using tampons?

I'd be fine with it. I'm an adult but I've seen my mum starkers before and she's seen me. She helped me into my first bath post c section. I don't think there's anything gross about nudity and wouldn't have been bothered by what the mum did in the OP.

Hoo-hah Hoo-hah hoo-hah hey!!

Not saying it's sexual it's just fucked up. My opinion.

To be fair it's probably the quickest and best way of teaching this! Nevertheless it would be a step too far for me. I have memories of being 13 and trying to figure out what the hell to do while my mum shouted instructions from outside the bathroom door...

So glad my mum isn't a 'cool' mum. I would not have liked to see that kind of demo. In any case she preferred me to use sanitary towels when I was younger as she thought tampons were for older teens (started when I was 11)

prettybird there doesn't need to be a gap but there sometimes is. Lots of my friends started using towels then moved onto tampons later on. I didn't know that 13 was quite late to start. My dd is only 5 so we're a way off. They were just examples to say think back to when you were that age, would you genuinely have liked to have seen your mum with her legs spread?

Yes maybe the girl didn't mind at the time, that's true.
Walking around naked is very different to lying down and spreading legs. My kids have seen me walk round naked, as have many poor souls at the swimming pool and gym changing rooms. I would not spread my legs for them!

Walking around naked is very different to lying down and spreading legs. My kids have seen me walk round naked, as have many poor souls at the swimming pool and gym changing rooms. I would not spread my legs for them!

Why is it so horrifying? It's just a fanny. A body part.

Tychos all that means is that it wouldn't have been appropriate for you. You would have felt uncomfortable. Not everyone is the same.
My mum was very open in front of me. I remember watching her change her tampon when I was in the bath. It was so matter of fact that I didn't think anything of it. I'd have been around 8.
I don't like the 'cool' insult, my mum definitely wasn't doing it to try to be cool, she wanted it to be normal and for my and my sister not to be frightened of it like she was. She didn't have a clue about periods when she first started hers and when she first heard about tampons, she thought she had to take it out to go for a wee! She needed a friend to explain it to her.

To All of you who think this is a sign of a great relationship and perfectly natural-
Would you be comfortable looking at your mum's fanjo?

Saw my mum's fanjo last autumn, didn't faze me at all. DD saw it too and no screams of horror from her. Didn't think twice about it except for hoping my bum looks that good when I'm that old!

To all those wondering who puts their tampons in lying down -- sometimes when I'm at home, the ole knees are complaining and the balancing one foot on the toilet seat thing just isn't working. Even allowing for peri-menopausal vaginal dryness, and an added blob of lube, at some point it's just easier to get on the bed and do it semi-horizontal rather than semi-vertical.

Also if you've had the string disappear, or you can't get hold of that damn knot moment. Once I did have to ask my wife to pull it out for me, I really couldn't get a grip!

And those going ewwwwwwwwwwww -- well, you'd have been useless in the 'ole days when feminism was all about using a speculum and a mirror in a group, and tasting your own menstrual blood. O, and I know a really great limerick about a female vampire (thanks Soph, I always remembered that one!)

IF we can't trust our female relatives to help us out and dispense information and suitable instruction, then we are going backwards!

I can't believe that the OP is shocked by a mother demonstrating on herself, but seeming fine with a father inserting it into his daughter.

My parents didn't show me how to have sex but I was still pretty good at it.

Plus tampon packets come with the most basic instructions, does anyone really need a personal demonstration?
Just totally weird.

Well, this doesn't bother me, but when my dd starts I will try to be sensitive to her needs and wants. We are comfortable with nakedness as I come from a family where tampons were frowned on and towels were locked away to stop the 'men' seeing them. I knew fuck all about periods really, so I am very open with my DC. They are little atm though. Lord knows how they will be when they're teens, but I'm hopefully going to pick up on that and adjust my behaviour accordingly. Nothing worse than not being given privacy when you're young. But that's different from being kept in ignorance because the parent is prudish like mine was.

I'm surprised at some of the more sensitive posters. This little anecdote isn't for you-my ds, who is now 9, was very curious about tampons about two years ago. I keep them by the loo. We talked about what they are for and he asked me where they went. I told him. He didn't quite understand, so I showed him. Standing up I might add, with no showing of my bits at all other than my pubic area, which he sees if he comes in my bedroom and I'm naked.

Seriously underwhelmed he was. Don't think it scarred him for life, in fact I think he's forgotten about it.