To be shocked at Dd's friend's tampon experience

[EdithBouvierBeale]

DD is ten and her class just had the period chat at school. One little girl, whose mum is a GP, was shown how to insert a tampon. Her mother demonstrated on herself by lying on her bed while her 10 year old DD watched.

"advocate or do"

I think talking when they are young is, as you say, the best thing.

I know 10 year olds who know nothing about puberty or sex and suddenly it becomes this big difficult embarrassing thing for their parents.

It helped that one of mine asked loads of questions so (following the advice to only answer their questions), a load of ground got covered early.

TBh not sure I can get too het up about it. I wouldn't choose to do so myself, but if others are happy to do so and their child is happy to be shown that way, then that is up to them.

DD was almost 11y (literally, 2 or 3 days a way) when she used a tampon for the first time - would have been about her 3rd or 4th period, we were away and she wanted to go swimming - Centre Parcs so big part of the trip)

I explained (had previously but a bit more clearly), showed her the diagrams, suggested best position to sit/stand to try, and gave her time. She didn't find it easy and I ended up in the room with her, though turned away for much of the time, as she preferred that talking her through it all. She did manage though, and it meant she could swim. She's now just turned 14y and still not overly keen on using them though - only uses them if she needs to.

I read the OP with this face: 😖

Yuck.

GRIM

I think it's because it's not right and it's not necessary, and they know it
I have to disagree with that. There is nothing wrong with it at all. There is no abuse, no risk of harm - it could be very helpful for some people.
It isn't necessary, but nor are tampons! It's a matter of choice and people doing what works for them.
It's fine to do it and it's equally fine not to want to.

When we were little, my mother used to go to the loo and change tampons in front of us. We only had one bathroom. (I suspect these days, she'doesn't be on one of those threads lamenting never having a moment to herself, not even in the loo!) The boxes of tampons were kept by the loo, so I'd read the info leaflet (including diagram), so I had a fairly good idea of what went on. I don't know what my mother would have done if I'd struggled with tampons (I was a swimmer-pads were never really an option.) I wouldn't have wanted her to help any more than she did (by handing me a selection of pads and tampons and telling me to call if I needed help.)

I don't think a demo is necessarily a bad idea, but I think it needs to happen in the context of being asked to explain where the tampon goes - just telling your child she's going to have a demo out of the blue is not going to create the best environment for absorbing new information, which is the point of doing it (if that's not the point, then there is a problem.)

Of course that is not the same as whipping out your bits in front of a relative

Peppermint what? That's exactly what it is, is the woman's daughter not a relative? Is her vagina not her bits?

I'm not arguing that the context isn't any different. I'm explaining the reasons for my opinion that it's not "just a body part". It's bizzarre to ridicule other people for being uncomfortable with looking at their parents genitals.

Good grief, someone on this thread earlier said that vaginas aren't sexual. I really have heard it all on here now!

I gave birth in front of my two year old, but like hell I would insert a tampon in front of my 10yo.

I gave DDa Lillets starter bag, and when she asked me what the tampon was for I said "You shove it up your foof" and ran.

I've never used the word "foof" with DD before, but she obviously knew exactly what I meant.

I know I didn't handle it well, but I'm sure she had a few years before she'll need to use one, and my mother never mentioned periods at all. Ever. So, I think progress had been made around here.

I've also made sure my DSs know about periods, all be it through a book and not personally demonstrating. That's what sanitised outline drawings in leaflets are for.

What next, a dad demonstrating condom use?

One of my friend's mother re-enacted labour in front of her two young daughters. Why? Did she think it would put them off sex? It didn't but it did traumatized them. My friend is now mid fifties and, not surprisingly, child free. It must have been an Oscar worthy performance. She still shudders at the memory.

I meant in some random bonkers way! This is a mum trying to help and educate, nothing wrong with that.

I'm just impressed she could put the tampon in lying down...I admire her openness but don't think I would have appreciated a similar demonstration from my mum! I didn't start my period until I was 15 and for some reason found tampons really difficult. It was another few years before I got the hang of them.

Are all you lot who are happy to walk around naked and show your bits, change your sanpro very young?

Nearly 35. My mum was not open with bodily functions or walking around naked. She doesn't know where she got me from!

I think that some things should be kept private between parents and children no matter what age

While my mum wasn't that open when I was young we talk about everything now. We talk about sex quite openly. We visited a sex toy shop in London and were looking at them together. I could talk about any sexual issues I might be having with her and she would do the same without any embarrassment. So I disagree that some things should be kept private. If we are both comfortable what is the problem?

Probably get flamed but I am going to put across my own opinion here.

I think the OPs story is really weird and tbh totally disgusting (if true)
People who put tampons/STs in in front of their kids also shouldn't be doing this.

I'm all for being open with your kids and explaining things but FGS, is nothing private? Why do your kids need to see this. I'd have been mortified to see my mum doing any of this.

I'm not shocked, or disgusted. I would probably do the same if my daughter was curious. I would stand up tho - far easier!

Good grief, someone on this thread earlier said that vaginas aren't sexual. I really have heard it all on here now!

I think that poster was making the point that vaginas and vulvas are not always sexual; they have other functions, like giving birth, weeing (yes I know the urethra isn't the vagina but you know what I mean), -having yeast infections-, having periods, etc.

We tend to be so embarrassed by sex that any body part which is sometimes sexual becomes taboo. Look how people get embarrassed by breasts, whose main function is feeding babies, but which have somehow almost lost their true function and become pornographic. We are lucky that hands and mouths are not seen as obscene at this rate.

People who put tampons/STs in in front of their kids also shouldn't be doing this.

What about going to the toilet in front of their kids? Is that allowed in your strange uptight world

People who put tampons/STs in in front of their kids also shouldn't be doing this.
Do you have any reasons to back this up?
What about using the toilet, have a shower or bath or generally being naked in front of their kids? Any problems with those too?
If you can articulate the problem with something more than "ewww", that would be appreciated.

Dd and I were chatting about porn and the effect it's had on the increase in anal sex last night. She is 14, we talk openly and comfortably. I have had. Double mastectomy with recon, she has always seen that as has dd2. Who Is five "why are your boobies like that mum?"
But I can see no reason why either of them need to see me Insert a tampon into my bloodied vagina, I am perfectly articulate enough to explain using words and pictures.
An adult vagina would be different to a young girls anyway and the positioning of the tampon is the important bit which is impossible to see as its internal.
I also thinks ten year old might not be able to look after hersejf with records to toxic shock syndrome.

I'm probably viewed as one of the uptight prudes in that I like my privacy. I don't wander round naked and I don't share baths. I learned how to use tampons from the leaflet in the box and trial and error, as did my DDS. No need to demonstrate. I didn't demonstrate how to give a blow job either. Figured they could learn that one by trial and error too!

Just in case that sounds deeply inappropriate the DDS are in their 20s!

NewLife4Me you really need to let her know. What if she uses one at a friend';s house?

My mum died very young from toxic shock and I was rushed in at 14.
I didn't know about my mum until long after the event. It's complicated so can't tell the full story.I haven't told dd this yet, but will have to if she decides to use them.
She is 12 and started at 9, we have discussed everything else but i don't want to scare the poor love