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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked at Dd's friend's tampon experience

343 replies

EdithBouvierBeale · 28/04/2016 21:52

DD is ten and her class just had the period chat at school. One little girl, whose mum is a GP, was shown how to insert a tampon. Her mother demonstrated on herself by lying on her bed while her 10 year old DD watched. Shock

OP posts:
Narp · 29/04/2016 16:05

I wonder why the people who think it's OK to demonstrate keep saying they wouldn't do it themselves

If you really think it's not crossing any boundaries, and you are all comfortable with your relationship with your daughters and your bodies, why wouldn't you do it?

woollytights · 29/04/2016 16:09

"It's just a body part" No, it isn't. Would you be happy for instance, for your teenage daughter to send pictures of hers to a boy at school? Like she might with her face?

Would you be happy for someone to reach up your skirt at a bar and touch yours? Like someone might reasonably place a hand on your shoulder?

Would you drop your knickers when your in laws came round and say "does this look right to you? Feels a bit swollen but I'm not sure" like you might if you'd trapped your finger in a door for example?

Is it just a body part? If it's different in the examples above, then it's different in general.

PuntCuffin · 29/04/2016 16:10

plantsitter why is it 'creepy and controlling' when a man explains how to use a tampon? Confused How do single dad's manage? The man described is a gynaecologist so probably at least as well qualified to explain female anatomy as the average woman.

I never had any explanation from my mother. I had a bag of options thrust at me with a 'try them and let me know which works for you'. Including the old fashioned suspender belt and pad option. Hmm

Helloandgoodbye · 29/04/2016 16:12

woollytights agree agree agree

NerrSnerr · 29/04/2016 16:13

2cats Why would you encourage your daughter to use a certain kind of sanitary protection? Surely as parents it's our job to give them all the options and let them choose. I know some people are evangelical about mooncups but your daughter may not want to use one.

GeorgeTheThird · 29/04/2016 16:14

I don't think there is anything odd about this. But I strongly suspect the tale has grown in the telling. I think the mum may not actually have been legs akimbo and the child watching the cardboard tube disappear. The girl may just have well said it was disgusting because she thinks anything to do with periods is.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 29/04/2016 16:14

Are we presuming the mother was actually naked? She might've just laid on the bed to show correct angle fully clothed.

TheCatsMeow · 29/04/2016 16:16

Would you be happy for someone to reach up your skirt at a bar and touch yours? Like someone might reasonably place a hand on your shoulder?

To be honest I don't think it's reasonable to touch someone else unless you absolutely know they're okay with it, regardless of where it is.

While it can be a sexual body part, context is everything. In this instance, it wasn't sexual or inappropriate.

TheCatsMeow · 29/04/2016 16:17

I still can't use Tampax even though I can use Lilets

Someone else! I thought I just had a weird fanjo Blush

leedy · 29/04/2016 16:25

I can use Tampax but don't like them - it feels like they expand downwards or something, and they're much more prone to leaking. Lil-lets FTW.

FeckOfffCup · 29/04/2016 16:35

I don't think it's terrible, at least the daughter will understand how to put one in correctly. I don't really understand why people are mortified, I also doubt that she did a full naked demonstration.

My own mother wouldn't even utter the word 'tampon' as she was so embarrassed by anything associated with periods and sex. I remember wanting to go to a party when I was about 15 and I had recently started - I asked her if I could borrow some money for some tampons because I didn't want to wear big pads and feel uncomfortable. I have never seen her so embarrassed, it was ridiculous. Never had a talk about periods, or sex from her. Could never ask any questions. When I gave birth she wouldn't come in the room until I had got out of the bath and dressed. So she was pretty fucking useless for stuff like that! I would have preferred being able to ask about stuff and have no embarrassment than having to figure it all out myself.

FeckOfffCup · 29/04/2016 16:37

I bought my DD a vibrator at 18. I didn't demonstrate
Grinthis made me laugh!

PeppermintPasty · 29/04/2016 16:51

Woollytights, those examples are nothing like what appears to be going on, I.e. Educating and helping. Of course that is not the same as whipping out your bits in front of a relative or someone putting their hand up your skirt, wtf?!

And to the poster who asked me why I couldn't just say where I put my tampon, as opposed to showing my ds, I did say. The conversation went on, got more technical from his side, we were standing near them in the toilet and I needed to put one in so I did!

Come to think of it, as another poster has said, this is not necessarily a one off as the DC rarely leave me alone long enough. I am sure they've seen me do it before.

And yy to another poster who said she struggles with tampons. My mum was an utter dick about this sort of thing, and I had to do it all by myself with guesswork and a crappy instruction leaflet. Had I had an approachable mother I could have gone to her, but I didn't.

One way or another we will fuck our children up, thank you Philip Larkin, but if it's a question of too repressed versus too open, give me the latter every time.

LogicalThinking · 29/04/2016 16:55

I wonder why the people who think it's OK to demonstrate keep saying they wouldn't do it themselves
I don't have a daughter.
I have no issue with families walking round naked in front of each other but it's not something that I have ever really done.
It's ok to wee with the bathroom door open but I won't do it.
It's perfectly reasonable for it to be ok for other people to do it but not be comfortable with doing it yourself.

Narp · 29/04/2016 16:59

Logical

I also have sons

But I am not sure people are being totally honest about this. They praise the openness, they are annoyed how uptight their own parents were, so they think it's admirable to go to the other end of the spectrum, but they wouldn't do it themselves

I think it's because it's not right and it's not necessary, and they know it

I taught my sons about washing their penises - I did not suggest my husband demonstrate it to them

TheCatsMeow · 29/04/2016 17:03

Narp

You can support something without doing it yourself. What's right for one person isn't right for someone else.

perpetuallybewildered · 29/04/2016 17:04

I know someone who used insert her DD's tampons for her as she couldn't manage and needed to use them for sports.

Not sure that's ok either, it wouldn't be a memory I'd want to carry around

MrsDeVere · 29/04/2016 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OvO · 29/04/2016 17:09

I wouldn't do it but am fine with others doing it. Don't tell me it's because deep down I know it's not right. How rude of you to assume to know my mind.

I wouldn't do it as my own upbringing left me struggling to be open. I don't see my GP when I should as I can barely say the word vagina to them, never mind show them mine!

I do my very best not to pass on these hang ups to my DS's and I'm doing a pretty good job of it! But if I had a DD I'd struggle to be so open as to demonstrate inserting a tampon - but NO issues knowing others can and do.

MrsDeVere · 29/04/2016 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/04/2016 17:11

I'm not bothered by this, agree with pp that it was probably a non event at the time, and only 'disgusting' once it had created a reaction as a story shared between 10yr olds.

Narp · 29/04/2016 17:12

MrsDevere

I don't think people are lying

But I think the squeamishness with which many of us were brought up may make then say, in entirely theoretical terms on a discussion forum, that something is admirable, when what they are praising is the openness, not actually thinking about the reality of doing it. Or the necessity.

I wonder what people think about my washing example. It seems a reasonable analogy.

Narp · 29/04/2016 17:14

OvO

Sorry for being presumptiuous

I am trying to understand the reasoning

MrsDeVere · 29/04/2016 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narp · 29/04/2016 17:19

MrsDevere

I accept that you think that's OK.

It's not something I would advocate do and I am really open with my teens and always have been about bodies, sex, consent etc

I am more hung-up than I thought Grin

FWIW if I had daughters I'd talk a lot more about tampons than my mum did