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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

301 replies

ahunter90 · 28/04/2016 20:52

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 29/04/2016 00:19

Or get someone to change their name by deed poll and let him whistle for hid 25%

Blu · 29/04/2016 07:12

My sister planned a year travelling with her best friend. 2 days before leaving the friend had to pull out. My sister went alone.

Half way through the trip, having amazing, inspiring experienced, she met the man she has just celebrated her Silver Wedding with.

Don't piss your money down the toilet, get out there and take your opportunity!

leelu66 · 29/04/2016 07:38

He doesn't want to get over this woman, he wants a long holiday, paid for mostly by you.

Don't let him fool you again.

His presence will ruin this once in a lifetime trip. I would take my mum.

penelopepitstop28 · 29/04/2016 07:41

Hi there!

First off, I'm so sorry about your discovery about DP. That's devastating.

I hear you fears about your anxiety and panic attacks, but I want to tell you that from my experience, of travelling alone RTW. I went 8 years ago after I was diagnosed with MS and on a pretty bad track. I did it because I thought it might be my last chance. My family went crazy with worry, and I was terrified but I knew I had to do it - the one thing was never to look back with regret. I had to take my meds with me (needles, couldn't be scanned either lots of misunderstandings).

I found I was never alone - as lots of posters have said - there are loads of people travelling alone. I was always given help. I went from being afraid of the world to seeing how safe it could be, because as long as you have your wits about you, people are essentially good. The other thing I discovered out there is that I began to feel better. I went from being on a downwards track to being able to take the life lessons of a round the world trip into my every day life. I have now been pretty well since then.

I don't mention the MS to do anything other than say that I was afraid, I had something I couldn't control, but if you can just think to yourself that you spend all this time saving for a trip that you want to go on, but the one thing that has changed is that someone you trusted to look after you actually can't be trusted. But you can trust yourself. Let yourself have this experience. Try it. I only speak for my experience but it absolutely changed my life forever.

for you, and good luck whatever you choose to do.

BabyGanoush · 29/04/2016 07:43

Go alone. Traveling alone is anazing, LOTS of people travel alone and you will be surprised how easy it is to meet new people

Then write a book about your adventures

DiggersRest · 29/04/2016 07:50

In the nicest possible way you were silly to rely on someone to do this trip, especially if you weren't living together. Travelling for 13 months is a long time. I've travelled around the world many times but have always planned that l may have to do it on my own.

You can't rely on someone else to help fulfil your dreams, do this yourself! Go. Without him. I travelled for 4 months with an ex because he wasn't ready to let go and as we'd broken up amicably l thought it would be ok. It was NOT

TiredOfSleep · 29/04/2016 07:50

Could you look into changing the name and selling it on? Even if it's costs £3k and you sell it for only £10k?

Just5minswithDacre · 29/04/2016 07:53

I can't go alone.

Yes you can.

Just5minswithDacre · 29/04/2016 07:55

And if you have panic attacks in seven hotel rooms in five countries does it matter? You'll get through it and you will feel AMAZING afterwards.

rosyleigh · 29/04/2016 08:03

Book in for some hypnosis re confidence and anxiety, get couple of Valium from dr and go, you will meet people straight away, no doubt about that. You will have the time of your life, much better than had you gone with that arsehole. Do it, you have to stand on your own two feet and rely only on yourself at some point, this will be the making of you, you will comeback wiser, confident, independent, worldly and tanned! Do not waste this opportunity, I think this is fate and you are meant to go alone.
Do not reimburse him one penny, speak to insurance/travel company. What a dickhead - you are well rid of him, you should be thankful you dodged a bullet and don't have to go with him or have him in your life.

ChilliMum · 29/04/2016 08:03

Could you alter your trip slightly so instead of just travelling you pick 4 or 5 places for a longer stop and volunteer with an organisation there? You will have support, people around you and somewhere pre-planned to stay. It is worth speaking to the company you have booked with and it may allay some of your fears.

rosyleigh · 29/04/2016 08:04

I have no idea why appeared on that last post.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 29/04/2016 08:06

Another one adding my voice to the chorus of 'go without him!' You'll be surprised at what you can do on your own. Get meds for the anxiety and then live life with it. I'm not underestimating its effects but you don't have to let it hold you back. Nor should you have to go with your knobby lying scumbag ex. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

rebecca most of us are able to work those acronyms out partly from context. A trip costing £20,000 and taking 13 months... It doesn't take more than a second's thought quite frankly. OP is suffering from anxiety and has just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her and all you can do is throw insults? Shame on you.

Tactfulcactus · 29/04/2016 08:14

Go alone! You've planned it and paid for it and you will have an amazing time!! Once you've got on that first plane it will get easier and easier. You will see amazing places and meet lots of people. Please go!

SquinkiesRule · 29/04/2016 08:41

I'm with the majority, go it alone.
My College friend had a RTW trip planned and paid for, her roomie was going with her and dropped out with a few weeks to go. She went alone and had a brilliant time, met all kinds of lovely people.

NerrSnerr · 29/04/2016 08:52

Start the trip and if it's too hard you can come home. You won't be alone as there'll be other travellers to explore with. Have you paid for accommodation too? £20k is a lot for a round the world trip. Make sure he pays you back too.

MarthaCliff · 29/04/2016 08:59

If you stay at hostels you would meet people easily. Where is you first destination ? Could you try and see what happens?

allowlsthinkalot · 29/04/2016 09:01

You completely MUST go alone. I wasted my youth thinking I couldn't do things on my own and really really regret it now.

zoomtothespoon · 29/04/2016 09:04

Go. Please.

If you've paid for 25% of his ticket it sounds like he is using you. Refuse to pay the remainder and try to cancel his ticket.

Fuck him. He's a cunt.

sulalovesbing · 29/04/2016 09:05

Please go! It could be the best thing you ever do. Could you not get some meds for the anxiety to help you on the bad days? I'm so jealous you are going travelling and though it'd be extremely scary for me, I would absolutely go in your situation otherwise you'll just get more depressed during the year you're meant to be away.

Don't be surprised if he asks for your ticket for that other girl!!

shovetheholly · 29/04/2016 09:24

Yes, go, go GO girl!

It might sound like the scariest, loneliest thing ever, but it really is great for getting over something like this, meeting new people, and generally changing your outlook on life. And it's much more fun than therapy!!

Get the cash off him for his share, and use it to have a Michelin star meal in every place you get to!

crumpet · 29/04/2016 09:37

You can always come back sooner if you decide to. Once you leave there is nothing to say you have to be away for the full duration. Simply get a flight back at some stage if you choose at some point that you don't want to be away the full 13 months.

ohtheholidays · 29/04/2016 09:43

Please go OP,like another poster said there are MNers all over the place.I bet you'd find other women on here that would meet up with you in alot of the places your visiting,they'd be able to tell you about all the lovely places and lovely people that lots of the tourists normally miss.

Don't end up with the same regrets I have.I was going to go travelling but my Mum put on the guilt trip and talked me out off it and now 10 years later and I can't do it because I got seriously ill 7 years ago and ended up disabled.
Now because of my health even just having a holiday abroad is really difficult for me.

We lost my Mum 2 years ago and she still felt guilty about talking me out of it bless her.Do what so many of us are desperate to be able to do but will never be able to,either because of health,disabilitys or money.

Show your self what you are truly capable off and show him that treating you so badly is his loss!

If you go and I really hope you do make sure to keep intouch on here!Let us know where you are,what you've seen,about the lovely new food you've tried about the lovely new people you've met.

This could be the start of your life OP,this could be the adventure you were always ment to have.

LadyCassandra · 29/04/2016 09:59

Go! You will have an amazing time. And if you aren't having fun, come home, it's better than never finding out. The money is spent already, you may as well enjoy it. Don't let that shit ruin it for you.

LadyCassandra · 29/04/2016 09:59

And, obviously don't take him!

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