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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

301 replies

ahunter90 · 28/04/2016 20:52

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
kissedbyamoonbeam · 28/04/2016 21:06

I am so sorry. Can you get money from your ex?

BeckyMcDonald · 28/04/2016 21:06

Please God don't go with him. You'll come backs wreck.

What an utter wanker.

Is your ticket one that would mean you could come home at any time? If so, if go, and if your anxiety gets bad just come back. I'd at least give it a try.

acasualobserver · 28/04/2016 21:07

Is there any chance that your insurance will pay up? Your OP suggests that you didn't actually contact them in the end - perhaps you should first thing tomorrow?

bumbleymummy · 28/04/2016 21:20

I agree with others that you shouldn't give up your trip. Is there someone who can even come on the first part of it with you and maybe someone else can join you for th next bit? I wouldn't want to go entirely on my own either but I know friends who have done this and they have actually made other friends along the way and travelled on with them so if you can even find someone to get you started then that might be enough!

Thanks for you. He's a complete asshole

SweetAngels · 28/04/2016 21:22

Go without him - don't be mad and go with him, he will ruin your trip and he'll start making feel like crap when he misses the other woman or what if he starts skyping her while he is with you? How will you feel?

Go on your own!
Like pp said give yourself 2 weeks on your own and if you really really hate it then come back knowing that you at least tried!

Either that or find out how much it will be to name change the tickets and ask a friend/ sibling / cousin to go with you - hell I would come with you if I could leave my kids for that long 😄😄❤️

You should tell him that he is not coming but because he has F@#ked you around at the last minute he will still have to pay you the 25% outstanding so that you get your 50% out of him!!! Besides that do not talk to him about anything else - if he calls don't pick up, if he messages just send back a message with your bank details and how much he still owes you!
I am a shy introvert and I did Europe when I was younger, started out by myself (my friend had visa issues at the last minute and couldn't come for the 1st month) and gradually made friends, was hard in the beginning but whenever I felt overwhelmed by new places/ people/ loneliness I literally phoned a friend or home - most amazing time I ever had. You will never regret going but you will always regret not trying it out if you don't go!!!!! GO GO GO BlushBlushGrin

Cheeky piece of shite to say he will come and try to get over the other woman!

SouthWesterlyWinds · 28/04/2016 21:24

Can a close relative or a close friend come with you? Ditch him - he's not worth it. Go on the trip and spend a little more to change the name on the ticket.

Mamabear1980 · 28/04/2016 21:25

There are 3 options.

Go with him - fuck that

Waste the money / ask for other options to transfer money but I highly doubt they are very accomadting for just cancelling because you don't want to go anymore and it would would still mean going somewhere.

Go yourself.

you throw the money away you will regret it for the Rest of your days. Unless 20k isn't that much to you.

However I do understand about anxiety. I live my life in fear daily but anxiety only gets worse if you let it and wasting the money for me would be a killer.

I can only say please go. You obviously wanted this or you wouldn't have invested in the first place. So it's not like you are doing something for the sake of it.

I'm not saying the panic attacks will magic away or the anxiety won't be there but you will be in control.
Not this loser, you go with him he is in control. You waste the money, it's basically him being in control.

You go and your in control.

Consider it.

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 28/04/2016 21:26

Go. You'll find you're much stronger than you currently think you are!

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 28/04/2016 21:27

Contact the insurance company and find out what your options are.

Ditch him asap he is only going with you to get an all expenses paid holiday and possible a years work of no strings shagging. He will return to the other woman or a new one when you get back.

Find out if you can change the name on all his tickets for a friend.

Whatever you do, do not throw away £20k because of a pathetic man child. You will regret not going but you wont regret ditching him.

PippaFawcett · 28/04/2016 21:28

Go, go, go.

My only regret in life is that I went on my RTW trip with a boyfriend that I should have broken up with before we left. We argued so much and I should have broken up with him many times when we were away but I didn't. Please find a way to give it a go.

Ezzie29 · 28/04/2016 21:28

Give it a go on your own! If you really can't cope then come back home but give it a try, you might surprise yourself - I also suffer with anxiety, and live on a tiny island, a few years ago I traveled alone to meet a bunch of strangers then trek in Iceland and it was one of the best things I've ever done - terrifying (and admittedly not on the scale of a RTW!) but amazing.

But do not go with that cheesy bumhole! Ditch him!

Lunar1 · 28/04/2016 21:28

I hope you feel able Togo on your own.

DontFeedTheDailyFail · 28/04/2016 21:29

Do a fact check.

How much is non refundable i.e. What have you actually spent that you can't get back?

What might you be able to claim on insurance?

Can you defer the tickets and go at a later time?

You're understandably going to be in shock and don't need to make any rash decissions until you have the choices in front of you of things you can control.

chilipepper20 · 28/04/2016 21:30

what's RTW?

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 28/04/2016 21:30

You absolutely have to go because it could transform you life and at the least will be a massive tonic.

So now we need to work out how best for you to go.

You could advertise his ticket annd take atravelling companion. Worst case scenario you will have us all with you as you do a MN Travelogue.

He's been a shit and you sound like a much better put together personality that you give yourself credit for. There is a way.

CharleyDavidson · 28/04/2016 21:31

Round the world

julfin · 28/04/2016 21:31

Can you persuade a friend to come on the first leg with you for a 2-3 week holiday, but with the emphasis on staying in places where you'll meet lots of other travellers? That way you get started on the RTW with someone there to support you, and then you might find you're enjoying yourself and comfortable enough to continue on your own / with newfound friends.

If you stay in the right places, you'll meet new friends / travel partners really easily and will have a great time.

Good luck!

booksandcoffee · 28/04/2016 21:32

Feel the fear and do it anyway, but definitely without him.

BastardGoDarkly · 28/04/2016 21:32

Whatever you do DO NOT let that utter wanker go on that trip, do you have the tickets?

Either go on your own/with friend, or try and get as much money back as possible.

You should go.

Sorry he turned out to be a bastard Flowers

Scarydinosaurs · 28/04/2016 21:33

RTW: round the world

Could you find someone else to go? Join a travel website? Ask friends of friends?

I would say going with him would be a bigger waste.

MyByeByes · 28/04/2016 21:34

Ask friends to spend a few weeks with you on each leg of the journey for the first few months.
Or do just the bits you feel safest doing alone. And come home in between

julfin · 28/04/2016 21:34

Worst case scenario you will have us all with you as you do a MN Travelogue.

Yes please do a MN travelogue!

RaeSkywalker · 28/04/2016 21:34

Whatever you do- don't go with him. I'd definitely go on my own, but only you know what you can cope with. I like the suggestions on here that you could try it for a couple of weeks and see how you go?

So sorry to hear this Flowers

DinosaursRoar · 28/04/2016 21:36

so he's only paid 25%? How much would that be? Can you offer a friend the ticket for that price, reinburse him for his costs, you don't go alone.

Definately speak to the insurance company, if he still wants to go getting what you paid back (and him pay you back the other half of his ticket!).

NotSpartacus · 28/04/2016 21:38

You've saved up for years, it is your dream and pre-dates the arsehole boyfriend.

You have to go. If he has bought his ticket, you can't stop him using it if he so wishes, but you don't have to have anything to do with him. You'll make friends as you travel, it'll be an adventure!

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