To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

[ahunter90]

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

Dump him and go. If you can try and find someone to travel with - there must be forums for single travellers looking for same sex companion to go with. Perhaps ask one of the companies that do adventure holidays for singles for suggestions.

If you don't go you're always going to regret missing out on the experience and you don't get many opportunities to devote 13 mths to travelling. I found myself in a similar situation and was initially terrified but it ended up being one of the best things I've ever done. I also think I got more out of it because I had to talk to the local people whereas had I travelled with a partner I would have spent more time talking to him and not finding out as much about the countries and the people who lived there. There were times when it would have been nice to have shared some of the experiences but they were honestly few and far between.

Go - you won't regret it.

Go on your own. Screw the anxiety! Go, write a novel. It'll be the next Eat, Pray, Love.

What a tosser. Good god, don't go with him, that's actual hell. Being stuck on holiday for 5 minutes with an adulterous partner you've basically broken up with? Hell. For 12 months? Major hell.

Go alone. This is the beginning!

Maybe the real reason he is 'sleeping around' is that he doesn't want to be your crutch! Show him that YOU can travel on your own. Sell his ticket and enjoy yourself ffs!

aha - def go on your own, is it only the anxiety / panic attacks stopping you? because hot foot it to your GP for anti-panic medication
read 'feel the fear and do it anyway'
go buy t-shirts and sun-glasses etc

Go without him! When we were travelling you meet so many awesome people, even if you're together with your DP for the first leg you'll meet people and end up travelling with them, I think the thought is worse but most people tend to travel alone and you make friends so easily. I met some of my best friends travelling. Please, just go. You can always come home if you hate it but you will love it!

Yes, where is your first destination?

My biggest regret is staying with someone that cheated on me over and over, I really wish I had travelled when I had the chance, ( I am extremely happy now) I wish I had dumped the chump and just gone rather than waiting around doing the pick me dance. I felt anxious, I felt low and I now know it was because he had eroded my confidence, not me at all. I can guarantee you will come back as one hell of a strong woman. I am so strong now, I cannot believe I let someone do that to me, charge him for his percent and use that money to have the time of your life...on your terms. I'm so angry on your behalf!

No, no, no. Ditch the 'excess baggage' and GO. It'll be the best thing you've ever done.

There's no.need to be an arse.

I'm with everyone else -please take the chance and try to go alone. Worse case scenario, you hate it, you hop on a plane and come home. Simple. Best case scenario, you love it, it helps you with your anxiety and confidence, you see the world, meet loads of people and you get over the wanker. Out of all of my friends who have travelled and lived abroad for long periods not one has regretted it (all have found it incredible actually).

rebecca What a vile, malicious post.

OP, can you change his name on the tickets to a friend's? If not, go on your own, you'll surprise yourself

I suffer with anxiety and I find the more into myself I go, the worse it gets. Is it the same for you? I have improved immensely but getting out there and Just Fucking Doing It.

Easy to say, harder to do - but absolutely worth it. Set yourself goals - like "okay, I'll do a week - if I hate it, I'll come back" - I find having a plan B really really helps.

Oh, and I feel like you're better than you're giving yourself credit for here - ditch the deadbeat dickhead.

Watching

I would be telling him he had to pay for the tickets and reimburse me.

If you're unable to go or sell the tickets hell yeah throw 20k down the toilet. Set fire to it if you want. Tell him to FUCK himself!!
No amount of money is worth your self respect!!

Rebecca was unpleasant but ripe berry was worse.

It wasn't vile or malicious. I read the opening post and had no idea what she was talking about. It was a long post so she could easily have made it three words longer. As a runner most of my "rt" this that and the others are runs or races particularly if you are talking about the thing having legs.

Seven years ago, my boyfriend and I went on our RTW trip. We'd broken up once before and it was a make or break trip.

Six weeks in to our nine month trip... We broke up, in a beach hut in Thailand.

I had three options, mope about with the same flights as him, fly home, or change my flights and carry on. I chose the third and it was fantastic. It was hugely liberating being able to choose where I wanted to go and when. What to do, to see, and who to spend time with.

Please get some beta blockers and get on the plane. You'll have an amazing experience. Don't let him spoil it.

You might find you have less anxiety without him in your life. You will meet many solo travelers in the hostels. This could be the making of you.

There are MNers all around the world. They can offer tips and ideas to keep you going until you fix up with other people doing the same. You could so easily be our travel correspondent and run an MN blog or thread on the trip. You'd have a lot of support.
Think about it!

Yes, definitely go! You obviously wanted to when you decided to book it and he was just an 'extra' - don't let him spoil it.

See if you can change the name on the tickets to somebody else, or do this!

Find someone else with his name and take them.