To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

[ahunter90]

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

Go! You won't regret it. I promise.

I spent some time travelling alone recently and it was the most cathartic experience.

Where are you going?

I'm sure between us we could find some people to meet you on the way

So, if you hadnt threatened to cancel the tickets, he would have told you when?
When he was already on the plane and it was too late?
Whatever you do, DO NOT let him go, you can bet he changed his facebook status so the OW could see it, and was hoping to get this last huge treat out of you before actually telling you.

You can 100% go on your own, it will be the best thing you ever do. It will help you overcome your anxiety and you will come back stronger. This is the start of your life, I'm jelous. Enjoy!

You can go on your own - get some CGT for the anxiety attacks and you'll be fine. You just need the mind set that things can be very good alone. In fact if you ditch the husband you'll probably be much happier and the chances of anxiety attacks may fade away entirely!

Go on your own, you won't regret it. I did a RTW trip on my own in my 20's and had a great time. Met loads of people and felt totally free.

Don't let this arsehole's behaviour trash your dreams.

Please go on this trip & leave that asshole behind!

Can you get a name change on the tickets & take someone else with you?

You will not regret leaving him behind, he sounds like a total waste of your time, forget him, hold your head high & go on this trip, it will enrich your life, I wish you the very best in whatever you decide x

My heart breaks for you. I'm sitting here actually wanting to cry for you. What a total waste of space your partner is (hope you don't mind me calling him that) I really do believe in karma and good god when it hits him.

That said please please please do NOT throw away an opportunity of a lifetime because of this fool. You deserve this holiday, you need this break to come to terms with things and be happy again.

Do whatever you can to go on this trip if you don't, there's no doubt you'll live your life filled with regrets. As many have said, see if you can change the name on his ticket and if so find someone to go with you. I hope you make the best decision for you and I hope time heals your heart. He doesn't deserve you nor does he deserve this amazing opportunity. Take care of yourself.

You CAN go alone. It's the law that anyone with female bits can do anything at all. Seriously, you are stronger than you think and the reason I know this is I felt I'd never cope if XYZ happened and it turned out that not only did I cope, I grew and matured and all I need to survive is my children.

Swipe this opportunity. Losing the kidney is preferable to falling back into this pathetic mans bed and letting him lists all over you. He wants to spend your money getting over his bit on the side. Don't let him.

Check with the insurance company asap.

As it's a long trip, I'm sure there are huge parts that you can still cancel and get a refund. Unless it's a cruise type thing?

But I'd try going alone.

Worst case, come back if you get panic attacks.

I'd put money on there being a mumsnetter in every country you are going too who would look out for you and give you support.

You can do it alone. You will be amazed at how less anxious you will be when you're being brave enough to face the world alone. Failing that though either get a friend to go with you or sell his ticket on eBay (give him back his 25%- name change fees) and go with a stranger if you have to!

Come to Melbourne first and I will be happy to help, as will my family and friends. Not empty words, I'd be thrilled if you took me up on that.

OP this is your dream trip, don't give it up. Of course you're going to anxious and scared right now because you've just broken up. But once you get started on this AMAZING journey that you have planned and work hard to realise, you know you are going to love it. Think of the places you'll see and the people you'll meet. Every step taking you further away from this useless idiot. Your horizons will broaden while he gets left behind. The world is full of wonderful things, go find them and find a stronger better you too! Please, please don't give up on this.
As another one who has been through it - getting away would have been a dream, and you can do this, you've planned it already, all you have to do is take the first step.
Get whatever money you can back or as others have suggested see if a friend(s) can join you - or even join at various points en-route. This guy is a huge disappointment, he's already broken your heart - get some distance between you asap.

Me too, I'm in Sydney, know loads of young people, even though I'm an old married with kids!

Do what that guy did whose fiancé dumped him just before the wedding....... Advertise for someone to go with you. They had a great time. Unless of course you've got a friend to take. Under no circumstances take your cheating boyfriend with you, he might leave you for someone else during your trip!!

I've worked in travel insurance and never come across a policy where this sort of thing is covered. If you go to docs and can't travel because of stress...... Then that is different altogether of course .......

I had a very similar situation, no charting that I'm aware of but a break up... Irreconcilable differences if you will. This was 15 years ago and, like you, I'd paid for it and planned for it etc etc. I had something like 20+ flights booked over thirteen months and it was a dream trip. I went. Alone. I can say categorically this was the best decision of my life. I travelled the world without restriction, it was so freeing being in charge and not having to compromise on anything at all. I met wonderful people, worked, volunteered, climbed mountains, went on boats, experienced things that 15 years later many of my friends have yet to do. I settled in one country, and ended up staying there for 10 years, learned the language and became an interpreter. I met my wonderful husband, had wonderful children and now live back in the UK having lived my life and got to know myself without boundaries. Once I did settle down I was truly ready, having lived what felt like a million lives by 30. The experience you will gain from this trip will last you a lifetime, I promise! I am still close friends with people that I met on boats, in guesthouses, and on beaches. We visit each other's countries and holiday together with our children - the most interesting people that I would never had met if I'd stayed home. You'll be freed from the constraints of just being friends with people because you've always been friends, you'll learn to be yourself without family opinion being a factor, and best of all you won't have this cowardly bastard with you. Please do it!

Seize this opportunity. And losing the money.. Piss all over you, not list.

Remember when this happened a couple of years ago and the man was from Canada I think trying to find a woman with the same name as his ex to take her ticket. Think his ex cheated on him as well but he didn't want the ticket to go to waste.

I think you need to find someone else to go with. Or go alone. Either way do not go with him and don't pass up on the chance of a lifetime because of a dickwad like that.

What a lot of lovely supportive posts. I'm also sorry this has happened to you, he's obviously not worth it

I hope you manage to go and have a great time. I would love an opportunity like this, don't waste it because of him of you'll regret it.

Another one saying "GO!"

Start a blog and we'll all follow you. You won't be alone. As PP have said you'll bump into MNers all over the world, so you'll have both virtual company and real company. It'll be fun!

can the name on his ticket be changed? if so i'll someone else could go with you instead.

Failing that I'd honestly give it a go going on your own. I understand that anxiety is no small thing, but - if you don't go - you lose the money and will be stressed about it.

If you go, you will either - realise you can do things you thought you couldn't and end up having a fantastic experience. OR you'll hate it and come home early - in which case at least you've tried and you're no worse off than having just not gone in the first place, surely?

Please go! It will be an amazing trip!

Do the MN travelogue idea and if you're worried, I bet MN will know lovely people in most places who would help you out if you need it.

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her. Bastard. He certainly thinks he's a prize, doesn't he? Do you suppose his new GF knows?

Can't get over the sense of entitlement this asshole has! He cheats on you and wants time away at your expense to figure out what he wants. Abs. No consideration for how you might feel having to see his smug face on the trip. OP, I hope you find a way to go without him, alone or with someone else. Do NOT go with him, whatever happens.