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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To seriously be considering basically throwing £20k down the toilet

301 replies

ahunter90 · 28/04/2016 20:52

Me and my DP of a year are due to go on the first leg of our RTW on Sunday. We are supposed to be going away for 13 months.

Past couple of weeks he has been getting more and more distant. We usually talk 2/3 times a day and usually Skype (we live 100 miles away from each other at the moment) and text during the day. Two weeks a go we would only text, now he won't even respond to texts and then noticed today (after getting a message notification from a mutual friend) that he has changed his relationship status to "single" on Facebook.

Called his Mum today and told her unless he contacted me today- I wouldn't be going away with him. Got to three hours later and still hadn't heard from him. Texted him and told him I would be calling the insurance company to see what could be done re money and cancelling if I didn't hear from him within the hour. Reply within 30 seconds to tell me he was driving over to "talk".

To cut a long story short- he has admitted to have been sleeping with someone else for the past 3 months and that he thinks he's falling for her but he thinks going away will help him get over her.

I'm devastated- a) because he has broken my heart and b) i've paid for 75% of the trip and it's taken me years to save up for it and I honestly don't think I could spend 12 months seeing his face everyday and it being the only friendly face around me.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 28/04/2016 21:39

Yes please, a MN travelogue. Let us travel vicariously.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/04/2016 21:39

I'd talk to the insurers and talk to the booking company to see if you can delay/change. Is it viable for you to take (more) medication to go alone? Just to get you through the initial week maybe?

I definitely wouldn't go with him. What a massive prick.

LindorBunny · 28/04/2016 21:40

I used to work with someone who went on a rtw trip with a friend. The friend lasted a fortnight before she came home due to homesickness. Colleague carried on and had a ball. Other friends and family flew out to meet her a few times.

Go, it will be fine. Yes, there there may be lonely and scary times, but overall I bet you'll have a blast. And if you do hate it you can always come home. Just don't go with dickhead.

MrsRaegan · 28/04/2016 21:43

What an absolute fucker Angry

Can you pay to change the name on his ticket and take a friend?

BareFacedKitty · 28/04/2016 21:46

I remember reading an article about someone who was due to take a RTW with their partner and it ended just before their travel date. They advertised the ticket and took a stranger.. Ended up dating each other if I recall correctly.
OP, please just grab life by the horns and get out there. Tell yourself you can come back if you don't settle. Those once in a lifetime opportunities only come round once

Longdistance · 28/04/2016 21:47

Cancel his tickets and go on your own 😈

Chippednailvarnish · 28/04/2016 21:48

Why dont you do this ?

Aussiemum78 · 28/04/2016 21:49

Definitely don't take him. He just wants a cheap holiday. What a user.

What about taking your mum or a friend? Possibly delaying your departure so you can reorganise some things?

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 28/04/2016 21:49

Definitely go without him, you can do it and it will be amazing!

Only1scoop · 28/04/2016 21:52

What an absolute twunt he is.

There is no way I'd be travelling with him. Can you factor in a friend at such late notice and change the name.

Charge him for anything you incur.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 28/04/2016 21:54

As he has only paid a quarter of the ticket, in my opinion that doesn't entitle him to go, even before he cheated on you. Don't let him get away with this. You will be fine. Go.

Stinkerbelle37 · 28/04/2016 21:54

Where's your first destination? Maybe a friend could go with you just for that first leg and get you started.

Or, Why not plan to just do the first bit (on your own) and see how you cope. Get yourself booked into a hotel for the first couple of nights so that you can acclimatise, before moving into a decent youth hostel where you will quickly fall into the travelling masses and probably find some kindred spirits to travel with.

You will meet people left , right and centre. And you might travel with them for a couple of miles, a couple of nights, or for the rest of the journey. That's the beauty of it.

I really wouldn't travel with him.

SecretWitch · 28/04/2016 21:55

I'm sorry this happened to you :( What a fucker. If you can...dig really deep and just GO! It might be scary and uncomfortable in the beginning but you might find it will also be healing and empowering. We will be cheering you on...xx

NameChanger22 · 28/04/2016 21:56

I think you should go. Travelling could help you to overcome your anxiety. You'll realise that you can be independent and brave and you'll be having such a good time you'll wonder why you ever questioned going.

My first trip travelling alone I met people really fast, some of those people have been lifelong friends. Just go, you almost certainly won't regret it. And you can always come home if you don't like it.

Now I'm old and I have commitments but I would love to be in your shoes.

OTheHugeManatee · 28/04/2016 21:56

Go without him. I know you say you get anxious but get a prescription for beta blockers or Xanax or something if you have to and go. Without the lying, cheating toerag.

Then write a blog and be the new Eat, Pray, Love Grin

Catgirl83 · 28/04/2016 21:58

Please don't waste this amazing opportunity. LTB, feel the fear and push through. You may regret it forever if you don't.

eyestightshut · 28/04/2016 22:00

Go on your own, BUT make sure you have a good internet connection, and a device to connect with,et voila - thousands of mumsnetters travelling with you virtually, and with you 24/7. You will never be alone, and we can give you the low down on all the best places to go to.

oldlaundbooth · 28/04/2016 22:01

I was 24. I landed in Vancouver. I had a work visa and a backpack. Nowhere to live. No job. Knew nobody.

Did I survive? Yes, I fucking did.

Found a place to live, found a job, met people.

Didn't I need a guy to do it? No, I certainly did not.

Do it OP!

And come to MN and blog your stories.

fusspot66 · 28/04/2016 22:01

Get someone to break both his legs so he can claim on the insurance.

fusspot66 · 28/04/2016 22:01

That is a joke btw.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2016 22:02

Why 20K? RTW tickets don't cost that. Or have you got accommodation booked as well?

oldlaundbooth · 28/04/2016 22:03

This chap is an absolute fucking toss pot BTW.

Ditch him.

His bloody mother should be ashamed.

Trunkadunk · 28/04/2016 22:05

I used to be the same (anxiety depression). I moved countries and just got on with it, I really enjoy meeting new people now.

Other option is taking him with you and letting him see you get off with all the locals Grin

Valentine2 · 28/04/2016 22:06

If I were you I would do it just to show him. The bastard deserves it. He is trying to get a free ride out of you as you are paying most of it. God! The cheek. Just goooo

SoEverybodyDance · 28/04/2016 22:08

Please go on your own... you'll find friends easily and have a fantastic time... Years ago I went on a RTW trip with my then boyfriend. He bailed out in India, I was scared, but I went on. I've never looked back...