To think this is an antiquated form of address?

[nomoreheroes]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I received a letter today addressed to "Mr and Mrs D nomoreheroes". D being my husband's initial. While it did concern both of us, it was in response to an application I had made; so why not Mrs nomoreheroes and Mr nomoreheroes (in that order ) or just Mrs? I realise I probably can't call myself a card carrying feminist as I go by Mrs and have taken my husband's surname but I do believe in equality and neither my husband or I are "the boss" in this relationship. He'd have expected the letter to be addressed to me alone or both of us equally.
I'm not that bothered - well maybe a little miffed to be fair - but it just looks weird in 2016. AIBU?

It's not correct, KitKat!

I totally hate it and don't get it. I'm not my husband's appendage or elbow decoration.

I'm going with my first instinct here. It is 2016, after all.

Please tell me why you think it is correct, KitKat

Ha! This thread is very timely. I've just received a letter addressing me as Mrs Husband's Initial, Husband's Second Initial, Husband's surname. Man, it's pissed me off. I didn't change my name on marriage and my husband doesn't go by his first initial either so it seems additionally irksome. The letter is from one of DH's relatives and I know they will have done it because they perceive it to be "correct" and it simply won't have occurred to them that a woman might not take her husband's name.

I considered refusing to open it but since only DH would be here to see my protest, that seems a little fruitless.

I actually don't know how to make it widely known in DH's family what the situation is, we don't really see them often enough to casually bring it up.

I write letters to customers as part of my job (large company) and take great pleasure in ensuring the letters are addressed to, for example, Mr J and Mrs A Smith. If I only have the husband's initial on our database I write to Mr and Mrs Smith, no initials, rather than use just the husband's. I have made sure everyone I train does the same too. Baby steps!

It may not be correct in your world lulu but it is in mine. It was the way I was taught and as someone who has spent much time professionally dealing with HNWI etc, it is seen as correct in those circles too.

You may choose to style yourself however you choose, but a general "rule" is helpful when addressing those people you are not familiar with.

Equally if I called you "Mrs L Cappuccino" it suggests you are divorced.

As my surname is not the same as my DH's, envelopes to us would be addressed Mr D Husband and Ms K Custard.

Oh, and if you are only going to use two first names, the woman's name should go first.

It is not a general rule, KitKat! It is wrong and unacceptable.

lulu, as I said before, it is not a general rule in your world, but it is in mine,. You may address me however you like, I'm not interested in changing anyone's point of view, but equally you have to allow me mine. I shall continue to address envelopes in the way that I consider correct.

KitKatCustard Even Debrettts says you should address people using the name they have chosen to be known by.

All their other naming etiquette takes secondary place to this.

"Correct" in your world does not make it correct in any absolute or general sense, KitKat.
The fact that the vast majority of posters here have expressed disapproval of it should show you how acceptable it is or not.

KitKat, it's untrue to suggest that HNWI prefer this form address. Absolutely incorrect and incredibly patronising.

raspberry but in the absence of knowing their preference I shall continue to use the method that has done me very well so far.

The likelihood of me sending a letter to the dissenting mumsnetters above is pretty small, after all.

If a major door for a charity was addressed like that, they'd find it ridiculous.

lulu you have no idea what my connections with HNWI are, so please don't make assumptions.

Or even a major donor perhaps?

I have no interest in what your connection is. You need to improve your style of communication with them though.

I'm not trying to change anyone's POV (as said before) and am not appreciating the rather personal direction this thread is taking so I'm off to do something far more rewarding!

Tatler still use the old-fashioned form of address in their social pages. It's most confusing in the case of women who are well-known but whose husbands are not.

I'm not sure whose side this fact supports. Probably both.

This is how I address my correspondence to married couples having the same last name.
Please stop doing it. It is deeply irritating.
My husband and I share the same surname, we have our own first names.

My point was that the random mumsnetters above are likely to be reasobably representative of random women generally in the UK.
Unless you think we are a bunch of special cases, Kit?

Are you recently married? It's the correct form of address. All of our joint post is directed this way.

Etiquette is always changing. The rules people use haven't been around that long, and already people are seeing things differently and preferring to be addressed in the way they want, and not by how the rules say they should.

I'm clearly an old fossil too then as I always address my married friends/relatives in this way. It has never occurred to me that they would find it offensive as it was the way we were taught to do it at school.
I'm afraid I couldn't get that excited infuriated about something so trivial as how someone addresses me on an envelope. There are much bigger problems in the world.
Surely if you were happy enough to take your DH's surname then you will expect to be addressed in that way. If you are an unmarried couple or have made it clear that you have retained your own surname on marriage then that should of course be respected.