Getting my boobs out

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened . Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

I had to feed very indiscreetly as my boobs are enormous and I couldn't get DD to latch under one of those tent things or under a top because I couldn't see what I was doing (and she was terrible at latching at the best of times), the couple of times I did manage under the cover she came out sweaty and miserable. The first few months of feeding were so painful and awful, the thought of having to worry about being discreet at the same time makes me really angry! Just managing a feed without crying in pain was my aim.

AlleyCat I formula fed DS on demand and that still sometimes happened, albeit only when he was very small.

It bugs me that people are nasty about bfing in public - being a mum is hard, bfing is hard, we should support each other and not say "well I would do z"

Why was it wrong to feed him in the queue Going? You were feeding a hungry baby. It was absolutely right! And the shop manager was acting illegally when he told you not to. The young male on the till needs to see that BFing is normal and natural just like everyone else. You were in the right and they were very much in the wrong.

I'm a first time mum and bf my 6 week old. I did feed him in wotherspoons when he was about 2 weeks and I don't think anybody noticed or commented. These days everyone is offended by something you can't win. Love the boobie beanie btw!

Newborns feed all the time and unless you become a hermit, chances are you'll find yourself having to feeD in public whether you are comfortable with it or not. I never received any negative comments from strangers about it. I know it happens so I consider myself lucky.

Thank you Terrfiiedandregretful. it stressed me for a long time I'd been wrong as I had had a few looks. The male in the till looked a bit embarrassed and I felt bad.

When I was breastfeeding DD I was fully armed with loads of pre-prepared withering responses for anyone who objected. I strongly suspect I was just longing for someone, anyone, to have a go. No one ever did, though. Which is a good thing, of course. But secretly I was bitterly disappointed.

In twenty years time I hope they'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Women will be happily feeding their child anyway that is necessary. They'll laugh at the fact that anyone would feel uncomfortable about a woman feeding her child whilst they drank milk squeezed from the teet of another animal.

The whole 'uncomfortable' feeling is a cultural thing, not a natural thing. It's how society has made it for some because bf-ing women have been encourgaed to hide away or use bottles of expressed milk whilst out and about. Now we're in the transition phase where women are able to feed anywhere by law but still get the odd comment or request to hide away, or people sit in silence in discomfort as they aren't used to it yet.

I hope we carry on making it more visible so that by the time our dd's are mothers, they won't feel shamed by entitled people moaning when all they want to do is feed their little one before they get upset.

Personally, I've had one negative comment but that was more about me being in the way rather than feeding. It's much harder in the early days as baby is learning to latch and also needs to feed on and off very often. As your baby grows, it gets easier as baby's latch is quick and so less boob gets flashed and also they can go a bit longer so you're less likely to be out and about when you feed. That's info for anyone who hasn't bf and is confused about why mums need to do it out and about to begin with. Again, in years to come this will be general knowledge I hope and won't need to be spelt out.

I was absolutely terrified the first time I had to breastfeed in public. So much so that I ended up hiding behind a big building where I hoped no one would come by. Unfortunately a few people did walk by and no one batted an eyelid. One woman did give me a nice smile which made me feel so much better. Her smile made such a difference to my state of mind in that moment.

I have breastfed pretty much everywhere now and luckily have never got a negative comment. I have had positive ones though, which is always nice. I think I look a bit scary (i have a bitchy resting face!) so maybe no one dared to be nasty! I was once breastfeeding sat right next to my SIL and she had no idea thats what I was doing. My LO is nearly two now, so can be a bit flamboyant when she feeds now, so there is more risk of me flashing a nipple!

Breastfeeding is perfectly normal. Our society has sexualised boobs to the point of the ridiculous.

The law on this is clear, you can do it in public and I for one would much rather you did than to leave a baby crying because he/she is hungry. And in a cafe? perfect place to feed a baby - go for it.

I breast fed DD for nearly three years, anywhere and everywhere (although not overtly so ie only one tit out at a time . No one ever made a comment and, being very pro BF, I always secretly wished someone would so I could have a go! I'm glad no one did though, I was never ever made to feel uncomfortable which was nice. I had a friend once though who said she was sitting in a cafe BF when I man walked up to her and literally just stood there and just stared at her boob . Something similar happened to me and a friend when we were both BF at the same time in a cafe. A man at a table next to us just literally sat and stared, not tutting or anything, just sort of enjoying the view I guess. Needless to say we turned our backs towards him.

I don't see the issue TBH. I used to flop my baps out sunbathing in the 90's, never bothered me.

I've BF anywhere and everywhere, in cafes, in pubs, in the park, on public transport full of shouty teenagers... nobody has ever said a thing!

We're still going at 18 months and I'm actually starting to feel less comfortable about it now than I was when he was a newborn - people seem to be a bit more weird about mothers breastfeeding toddlers, even though it's totally biologically normal.

I never had any comments when BF DS1 but my anxiety of what COULD be said for the better of me and I stopped after 3month. Currently pregnant with DC2 and really could not give a flying crap about it this time round.
I have friends who refused to breatfeed their babies beacause (I quote)
"Boobs have been made sexual, why would I wanna feed my baby on something my other half was sucking on when they were conceived, it's wrong"
However, Dane friends very supportive of others BF in public albeit a tad uncomfortable!!!

Ps yes this has caused many arguments!!

I was bf Ds2 recently, at the home of someone I once trusted and respected. I am self conscious and was as discrete as I could be.

Later that night he was drunk and sent me some fairly explicit messages based on how turned on he was after a glimpse of boob.

I feel sick writing this. I wish I was making this up.

In twenty years time I hope they'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Women will be happily feeding their child anyway that is necessary. They'll laugh at the fact that anyone would feel uncomfortable about a woman feeding her child whilst they drank milk squeezed from the teet of another animal.

That really depends on whether women are at some point allowed to be fully realized human beings again, instead of shiny plastic sexdolls who projectile vomit from between their numb and puffy lips at the very thought of their pubes growing back. The disconnect seems to grow wider with every passing generation.

"Boobs have been made sexual, why would I wanna feed my baby on something my other half was sucking on when they were conceived, it's wrong"

To me, that would beg the reply 'Why would you wanna birth your baby through something your other half was sticking his dick in when they were concieved?' Many of our body parts are multi-functional!

I feel uncomfortable seeing people breastfeed. I have found an excellent solution is to simply smile at them and look away. Tell him if he thinks its inappropriate then why the hell is he still looking? Alternatively tell him to fuck himself but be sure to find somewhere private first.

Indeed. You could also ask why you would want someone shoving something in you that they had also used for peeing through.

Katespade I think it's ok to feel uncomfortable if someone removes their whole top. Id feel it was a bit weird too, because as a society we don't usually sit in cafes without clothes.
The baby feeding bit is fine tho.

And you call him a gentleman?!

Dear Dubby,

It is spelt "YOUR" not "YER".

you bloody weirdo

Yours respectfully etc

To me, that would beg the reply 'Why would you wanna birth your baby through something your other half was sticking his dick in when they were concieved?' Many of our body parts are multi-functional!

Yes ABSOLUTELY THIS!
Using the 'sexy' logic we cannot use: vaginas, hands, mouths,tongues, bums or eyes for other things as they can all be erotic.

I also do reverse this with 'breasts were not sexy in the past it's all a social construct' people who don't understand that they have always been attractive and loaded with hormone triggering nerve tissue which triggers an erotic response in many women when they are not nursing. The attraction is (naturally speaking) mainly because they signal "I can feed the babies you can make with me"! The media have fetished them and taken away that link. Look at art throughout history, look in the Song Of Solomon even - breasts have been sexual across the world. But at other times they are for feeding.

Thecatsmeow I very much doubt you got dirty looks for pulling out a bottle at the school gate or there were entire shock jock radio chat shows or comments below newspaper articles dedicated to how you could have just fed the baby before you left the house and you were doing it for show. My point is people make the assumption that women feed out in public for show.

I also do reverse this with 'breasts were not sexy in the past it's all a social construct' people ... The media have fetished them and taken away that link.

I may be guilty of saying something similar to this first part a page or two ago but what I meant was what you have gone on to say. Breasts have always been sexy, but it's only recently that society has broken the link with feeding babies so that breasts should only be seen as sexy.

I bf both of mine for 18 months each. Anywhere and everywhere.

The only people who ever made a negative comment were my parents and my step mother.

I only ever had embarrassed apologies when people realised what I was doing and were worried I'd think they were staring and women bringing me cups of tea in cafes whilst they chatted about their own experiences.

I'd have loved someone to come and suggest I should go else where. I don't think they'd have got much more than a "fuck off".