Getting my boobs out

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened . Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

Maybe the 'gentleman' is offended by this too.....

I think a lot of people who have problems with public BF think that women breastfeed babies in public to put on a show. Particilarly women who have this issue I have found, if they have only bottle fed babies themselves, presume you get that same gap between feeds as bottle fed babies get so why would you not just feed at home or under a sheet or in the toilet.

www.bebeaulait.com/breast-feeding/nursing-covers/muslin/botanica.html#.VyHcYslwbqA

I just used one of these. Meant I could wear whichever top I liked and no one could see anything. Win win.

It is very hard to be discreet when the baby is more interested in the world around you as they don't just cover the boob with their head.

presume you get that same gap between feeds as bottle fed babies get so why would you not just feed at home or under a sheet or in the toilet.

Do they? I bottle fed because bf didn't work for us but I didn't get particular gaps or a pattern with feeds. I don't think people who dislike bfing in public do it because of that.

Not 'win win' really....I defend your right to use one of these vast tents, farmyard and of course you should do whatever makes you and your baby comfortable, but really......where's the 'win' in carting a mahoosive pinny around with you?

Plenty of babies would not tolerate it, anyway.

I have seen many wonen breastfeeding over the years, but have never come across anyone who had a problem with them. I bottle fed all 4 of my children, but had I chose to breast feed, I would feel no way about flopping it out, if they don't like it, don't watch then.

*women, not wonen!

A thought. If a woman was, for arguments sake so utterly floored confidence wise by new motherhood that they wanted to make a point of caring for their child, nourishing them (or just taking pride in a new found skill). What the fuck would it matter? How would you know?
If you are staring/ glaring at a woman AND somehow think you (psychicly) know what is going on in her head ... at best you're projecting at worst, delusional.
Whatever. Please stop staring. Please stop assuming you know something about a stranger's motivations.
It is a legally protected natural process. Being detatched from society and nature like that is unhealthy. Best wishes for dealing with that.

I've BF'ed for many years altogether, have known and seen countless other people do it, millions of times probably. I have NEVER seen anyone "flamboyantly breastfeed". But even if I did, then why the fuck not? Breasts are used to sell everything from cars to cleaning products, and I've seen plenty of flamboyant breastwaving on page 3 and all over the TV, it would make a change to see someone ostentatiously using them properly.

Never going to happen. People complaining about un-discreet breastfeeding just mean that they can see you at all, not that they can actually see your whole breasts. They just know its unreasonable to complain so they pretend its worse than it is so they feel like they have a sound basis to moan about it.

There are lots of these type of pics on the internet, but this Victorian woman seems to be breastfeeding quite a large baby with most of her breast showing in a time when showing an ankle was considered indecent

If requested to cover up while breastfeeding:

I breastfed all 3 of my children (over 30 years ago granted). I was once in a BHS cafe in a corner very discretely feeding my starving 3 month old. She was tucked under my top and invisible. An assistant came over and said somone had complained and would I mind taking my baby into the toilet to continue feeding her. I told her I wouldn't eat in the loo and neither was my baby. I did however stop feeding my baby and plonked her into her pram where she screamed the cafe down. I scanned the area and found the complainers - easy as everyone was now glaring at them due to my screaming baby disturbing the whole cafe - who turned out to be two elderly posh women. I finished my lunch and headed off to feed my DD (who'd settled btw).

Seeing that there is very little flesh to see when's baby is bfing, I think the issue isn't with the breast. It's with the fact you can see a baby, a person, suckling a breast/nipple. And of course, sucking a nipple has to be a sexual act.
So, hide the baby with a scarf of whatever, you still cant see the flesh of a boobasnecuee but you can't see the baby either.

It's crazy that women in very revealing clothes are ok, page3 women are ok.
But a baby isn't.

I have a friend who covers for religious reasons, including her hair.

Woe betide anyone who looks at her when she was feeding her baby (or I mine) "hey you - what's your problem? You never sucked milk up as a baby eh?" looking them straight in the eye.

She covers 'vanity' areas of her body because of her personal belief and (quite rightly) she sees a feeding breast as an asexual 'useful' body part. She gets quite exasperated with people objectifying men who goggle at her covered hair and legs but she's got a baby suckling (and wafty layers so hardly any skin on show anyway).

Only happened once but it really drove home to me not to worry about offending people. And my privilege at not having to justify myself more often iyswim.

flying I don't think that people are thinking about the act of suckling and thinking it is sexual. Feeding a baby couldn't be further away from that.

Fwiw, I also wouldn't wear a low cut top that showed as much boob as in the picture posted by katharina & I think that there's too much flesh on show in music videos too. I also disagree with page 3... hence why I use a cover.

That said, virtually any one you notice feeding in public uses the 2 top method and you literally can't see a thing

Do they? I bottle fed because bf didn't work for us but I didn't get particular gaps or a pattern with feeds

I don't think it is the same thing though. BF is little and often though so you could be just finished a feed when you are starting another. For example I could have just fed my little fella before going out to do a school run and when I got to the school he could be grizzling for more, whereas his formula fed sisters, well I knew they had a full bottle before we went out so they were not hungry. People make assumptions that you can plan your day around gaps in feeds. There have been many online/media discussions with arguments suggesting that women could just feed their babies at home which means that these people expect the baby to last through the normal events in life such as school runs etc. Mind you I doubt these ignorant folk would bat an eyelid about a baby getting a bottle at the school gate.

One day in a pub with a play area I was discreetly feeding DD2 while DD1 played nearby. A big, burly, tattooed man dripping with large gold chains and rings approached me and I began to cringe . He have me a big smile and a thumbs up and said something like 'Good on you love, it's nice to see a young mum doing the best for her baby'. Setting aside the fact that he was obviously not fully sighted if he thought I was a young mum, it greatly boosted my confidence around breast feeding in public. That was the only comment I ever got.

My baby decided at a few months old that he wouldn't tolerate me having anything covering my breast, let alone a sheet over his head. Breastfeeding in public now seems to be a game to see who can win the shirt up / shirt down competition! He starts outright screaming with anger and pulls away anything covering his head or face. Sometimes your baby has other ideas if you're trying to feed discretely, haha. :)

My soon-to-be-MIL ordered me to go into the toilet to breastfeed at a family wedding. I sucked it up and hid in the church's kitchen because I didn't want to cause drama, but it made me quite angry and I'd never take my baby into a toilet to feed. I think it's totally unreasonable to ask anyone to eat in a toilet, let alone an infant who doesn't have a proper immune system yet! I'm surprised she's awkward about it given she used to be a nurse.

I've also had a few glares out in public (mostly I've noticed these when I have been manging to be very discreet - usually too busy battling to keep my clothes on if my baby's pushing them away), but it's not my problem if people have unreasonable hangups. We need breastfeeding to be normal and visible in this country if we want our breastfeeding rates to improve and for new mothers to feel confident breastfeeding their babies, and hiding under a muslin or in a toilet isn't going to help with that. I find it quite sad that our Mothercare locally has a back room for breastfeeding but no chairs on the shop floor, and even in there people wear huge covers.

Despair at some people's clear lack of biology education! Reliable contraception and bottle feeding is incredibly recent in human history.

If reproduction and breastfeeding are choices and not biological imperative then why the fuck does every human being (yes even men!) have hormones and sexual urges and with bf what the fuck do you think makes us produce the milk? Conscious thought?! (I wish mine took 10 days following a traumatic labour and emergency Cs!)

I couldn't feed my first two (medical reasons) and my third for only a few weeks (medical again) but DC4 was fed everywhere, she fed constantly and Id walk around the shops, car shows, campsites, heritage sites, bloody butlins! feeding her - I had so many people commenting, but only ever positively, and a massive range of people 'types' too. It was lovely!

I was so irrationally pissed off that I never got to use my arsenal of replies to snotty comments as I didn't get any :D

I could never breastfeed in public due to the fact that as soon as I started to feed the other boob would gush copiously, soaking what ever I was wearing and the surrounding area! I had to have towels and large amounts of kitchen roll to mop it up.
If I fed when out I used to try and find somewhere where I could sit privately and no-one would comment on the large towel shoved down my top to staunch the flow.

Hazel have you tried these, www.mothercare.com/Philips-Avent-Comfort-Breast-Shell-Set---2-Pack/494359,default,pd.html they do make you look a bit lumpy but work really well, I go off like a fire hydrant, have a stupidly fast let down and can't recommend them enough.

I love the pictures, it is so shocking how normalised breast feeding used to be and how now it is not. I have never had comments but have friends who have. I have had people move seats to face away from me, that's their choice but it makes me feel sad that they see something wrong or unpalatable in something I find beautiful and nurturing. I do think it's a beautiful thing to see a mother nourishing her child in that way. Local to me is a lovely man helping to put together a Calender of normal mums breast feeding in normal places it's a lovely initiative. My local support group also have cards you can give to other breastfeeding mums who you see in public that thank them for normalising breastfeeding. Hopefully the more people educate others on the normalcy of breastfeeding the better it will be.

Can I just say a thank you on here to all mothers past and present who breastfeed in public, it is all of you who give me and other new mothers the strength to do the same x

Negative breastfeeding stories are shared so often on social media that it leads us to believe its a very common occurrence. Really, the haters are few and far between and op has been unlucky. I used to pump and take a bottle out for ds , I was that paranoid!

I have no problem with anyone breastfeeding, I BF both my boys and often in public. Though I do get Kate's point about having both boobs just 'out there' if you're only using one!! There are loads of bras, tops, slings to help u get one boob out but keep the rest of your body in a more 'sedate' state! I feel for OP because I only ever found positive reactions. You'd get a few older people maybe looking a bit uncomfortable but never saying a thing. One time I was in M&S cafe with my first DS and only a few weeks old. He was howling, I was sweating with stress and sleep deprivation! I was queueing to pay for my coffee and one of the staff took my tray, told me she'd bring it over and I should just go get a table. I breastfed. And relaxed a wee bit. The lovely lady brought over my coffe and told me she'd sorted the payment for me - she said she'd recognise a new mum anywhere, and I should just focus on giving my baby all those good nutrients. I burst into tears at her kindness (yep, was hormonal too!) xx

In 2001 I was told by a sainsburys manager that couldn't breast feed my baby in their cafe. They'd had previous complaints..

I went back the following week and shucks, he needed a feed while I was there. I fed him but sat facing the wall . I concede I was probably wrong to feed him in the check out queue when a young male was on the till but my son was tiny, I was a first time mum and panicked every time he made a squeak in case people got angry at the noise.