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Original poster

Getting my boobs out

438 replies

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 27/04/2016 18:58

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened Confused. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Sandsnake · 28/04/2016 21:21

Frikka - I really can't be bothered to reply to your ridiculous post in any detail. But regarding the woman on the bus purposefully 'displaying her rights' as you put it -

a) The side seat as opposed to the window seat would be far more practical to feed as she would have room for her elbows / shoulders.

b) You say she was sitting at the front of the bus, so she basically had her back to all of the other passengers. Sounds like she chose pretty much the most 'discreet' position, actually.

c)You say the 'whole of the bus' felt 'great discomfort'. You have no idea what the whole of the bus felt, so stop lying. And 'great discomfort'? What a massive exaggeration.

d) Why the fuck were you looking?

Philoslothy · 28/04/2016 21:26

I've also been on a bus where a woman, obviously, wanted to prove she could breast feed, sitting at the front of the bus, on a side seat (when there were plenty other available) so that she could display her "rights" to public breastfeeding

Maybe she just felt like there was no need to hide. If I eat on a bus or tube I doing hide it

bigbuttons · 28/04/2016 21:26

Christ, I have breastfed 6 children. The last fed until he was three. I have never ever had a negative comment from anyone.

Original poster
wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 28/04/2016 21:27

Frikka I WAS doing it discreetly and still had comments....

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 28/04/2016 21:27

I don't understand why people find it uncomfortable. The only time I've ever felt uncomfortable is if I've accidentally made eye contact with someone while breastfeeding, I get worried they think I'm disapproving because I have a grumpy rest face!

If you don't like it don't look. It is not that hard. I sat opposite a woman bfing yesterday while I bottle fed my son. We both talked about our sons who were the same age and passed no comment on feeding. It's not hard

bigbuttons · 28/04/2016 21:30

I did once see a woman breast feelding a toddler, sitting down in the middle of a busy through fare in a children's play farm place. She was was plonked right in the middle of the path, not on the grass to one side but on the path. When her toddler ran off to play she just carried on sitting there with her top up and her boobs out. I thought that was slightly odd. I think she was wanting as many people to notice her as possible really.

thenappyslayer · 28/04/2016 21:39

AugustaFinkNottle Fair point! And no sometimes BF isn't always discreet for many reasons but what's wrong with being discreet if you can though? You wouldn't purposely expose yourself in any other context so whats wrong with trying to feed your child properly and without exposing yourself in a way which in any other context would be seen as ridiculous?

Pettywoman · 28/04/2016 21:41

I breastfed both mine and never had any problems when out and about. I've never seen anyone being hassled about it either thankfully.

I rarely see breastfeeding mums out and about but I suppose that's because it isn't that noticeable. I wish people would think of it as a normal thing to do, it really should be a non issue.

HairyLittlePoet · 28/04/2016 21:43

There's really no point engaging with the "goodness, women should be discreet / at home/ under a tent / on another planet" people. They are falsely entitled twits. What they deserve is to be publicly embarrassed for expecting women to take responsibility for their weird issues.

And on that matter - there is absolutely nothing wrong with being entitled to something. One should absolutely feel free to make use of one's entitlements. That's what they're there for. Breastfeeding mothers are entitled to feed publicly with as much or as little discretion as they wish. This is a brilliant entitlement and should be used at every opportunity.

What one should object to is the false entitlements. For example, bystanders who feel falsely entitled to demand that mothers 'cover up' to accommodate their unreasonable hangups. This is not a valid entitlement. Please don't try to exercise it or you will hopefully be corrected, ideally by the law if the opportunity arises.

TheCatsMeow · 28/04/2016 21:44

Nappy because the main aim should be to feed your child in the way that's easiest and simplest for you, you shouldn't have the additional worry of whether or not it's going to offend some old fogeys depending on whether you're discreet or not.

pearlylum · 28/04/2016 21:44

Do you think having children makes us want to show off our breasts?

It seems to me a little odd that we don't see many childless women sitting in parks or on buses baring their breasts.

Is it something about giving birth that sparks an uncontainable desire to show the world our nipples?
Are there legions of women without children waiting eagerly to become breast exposers?
You'd think they would just do it anyway, bring out their C cups in Costas, why wait for a baby?

TheCatsMeow · 28/04/2016 21:45

I worded that appallingly but hopefully you understand what I was trying to say!

Pettywoman · 28/04/2016 21:45

The discreet thing isn't always possible. Babies wriggle, breastfeeding can be difficult. Mothers and babies don't always want to be sweating under blankets stressing that someone might keel over at the sight of a stray nipple.

thenappyslayer · 28/04/2016 21:56

TheCatsMeow I agree. But lets not pretend that some people may feel uncomfortable and that perhaps rightly so. For example there was no need for the lady on the tube to pull up her top and unhook her bra and then take the baby out of the pram topless and proceed to feed. It's rare - so rare that its a moot point - but yes some mums like a "show".

WellErrr · 28/04/2016 21:58

This thread however proves that a lot of women, sadly, want to prove something. They are allowed "by law" (yawn) to breast feed and by God they are going to; classy or not.

ODFOD.

NannawifeofBaldr · 28/04/2016 22:00

Philoslothy obviously I wasn't there but I would assume, from my own experience that she chose that seat in order to have enough room to feed her child, rather than to "prove that she could". My DS was a long baby. I wouldn't have been able to get him into a comfy latch position on a narrow bus seat.

WellErrr · 28/04/2016 22:00

For example there was no need for the lady on the tube to pull up her top and unhook her bra and then take the baby out of the pram topless and proceed to feed

Perhaps she finds it difficult to securely hold a baby whilst rearranging her top and unhooking her bra?
Perhaps she needs two hands to prepare her clothing AND two hands to hold the baby?
Perhaps it's just a habit to do it in that order?
Perhaps you should mind your own business and not look if it bothers you?

SalemSaberhagen · 28/04/2016 22:03

Perhaps she needed both hands to get the baby and latch it on nappy? It's fine now DD is 19 months, but when she was tiny I couldn't confidently hold her then get my boob out one handed, being covered the whole time. It doesn't help when you have massive boobs either.

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it in public that way, but she obviously did. Which is all that matters.

pearlylum · 28/04/2016 22:04

thenappyslayer- you don't know that. Maybe she needed two hands to adjust her clothing, I know some of the clips on my feeding bras were quite stiff and I needed two hands, doing that with a baby on your knee in a moving tube nay have been difficult.

There may have been no reason.
My grandfather didn't like seeing black people, should they have hidden themselves away or sat in a corner in case they made him feel uncomfortable?

TheCatsMeow · 28/04/2016 22:10

Perhaps she needed both hands to get the baby and latch it on nappy? It's fine now DD is 19 months, but when she was tiny I couldn't confidently hold her then get my boob out one handed, being covered the whole time. It doesn't help when you have massive boobs either.

I had this issue as well. Latching a baby can be really hard. I used to worry how I would feed him out and about because I was only ever able to do it by literally taking my top off and using both hands. I worried people would make comments.

(Un)fortunately as bf failed I never had that problem. But I shouldn't have had to worry about it at all.

SalemSaberhagen · 28/04/2016 22:14

My friend was the same TheCatsMeow, it was one of the reasons that she stopped a couple of weeks in because she was too scared to go out in case he needed a feed.

Such a shame that we should even have to factor it in.

Baconyum · 28/04/2016 22:15

And 2 more pop up! Seriously ? Agree no way pp could POSSIBLY have known how an entire bus full thought/felt nor could these posters have known why these mothers chose to sit/behave as they did OTHER than they did what they needed to, to feed their babies!

Dd would not have tolerated a scarf/shawl she doesn't even like hats now!

WellErrr · 28/04/2016 22:22

It's like tag team goady fuckers on this thread....

NannawifeofBaldr · 28/04/2016 22:34

Apologies Philoslothy mistakenly name check you with my last comment, should have been Frikka.

My only excuse is that I was laughing so much from the 'classy' comment that I couldn't see to type....

Philoslothy · 28/04/2016 22:35

nannawife I agree with you I was quoting someone else and had a bold fail

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