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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I was very rude to this grandmother

78 replies

Valentine2 · 27/04/2016 10:49

At my local pharmacy, I came across this lady waiting for her prescription. She started talking to DS. It was obvious she was loving it and DS too. Then she told me she raised her grandchildren and great grandchildren abroad and had to come here to care for her father. It was obvious she was torn between the two and said it was very hard to see her grandchildren just once a year now and that she would love to have more children (vague but I took it that as in having children around her of course because obviously she can't have kids at this age).
So WIBU in failing to invite her for tea sometime and spend time with my DCs?
I have been cursing myself for being too damned slow. May be if I had taken that cup of coffee before leaving house, I would have asked her. Or is it ok and am I overthinking it? Please feel free to kick me because I am feeling I was being rude.

OP posts:

Mouseinahole · 27/04/2016 10:53

You weren't rude. She would just be glad that you were pleasant and let her interact with your child. She might have been alarmed if a random stranger invited her to her home! If you see her again a coffee in a cafe would be more appropriate.

caffeine99 · 27/04/2016 10:53

I don't think you were rude at all.

The idea of inviting her over to tea is a lovely one but I don't think she would've been expecting that. No need to be beating yourself up over it.

Maybe you will run into her some other time and you could ask her then.

In this case I think it's still nice that you even thought of it

BadLad · 27/04/2016 10:54

There's nothing rude about not inviting a stranger to your house. Complete case of over thinking.

The absolute worst you could be accused of is being slow to pick up her hint. It would never have occurred to me that she was hinting at that, though. She probably just enjoyed having someone listening to her.

EatShitDerek · 27/04/2016 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parrots · 27/04/2016 10:55

No, I think it would have been very odd to have invited her to tea!

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2016 10:55

Yeah you rude fucker

Seriously, if I invited every random lonely person I strike up a conversation with, into my home for tea, the kettle would never be cold.

You just cant do it.

SaucyJack · 27/04/2016 11:00

I wouldn't sweat it.

I don't invite randoms home for coffee every single day of my life.

Original poster

Valentine2 · 27/04/2016 11:03

DH agrees with all of you But I feel bad for not even asking her to join me for a coffee in the cafe next door. It did look like she wanted to cuddle DS and I don't object to that if it's a lonely grandparent and I am around. I am just too slow to realise all things emotional. Feeling sad for her. It's not easy to be that old and being the primary carer of an elderly parent. And having grandchildren that you see just once a year. I should probably put a small cars for her from my DS to join us for a coffee next time she visits there. She could write the time she is likely to visit for next prescription and I can go around at that time to the pharmacy. A really nice cafe is just around the corner.
Would it make me look slightly hinged if I do this ?

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 27/04/2016 11:08

We cant all invite folk we chat to in the shops/busstops/street to tea my house would be fit to burst i get everybodies life story of course you were not rude your son brightened her day and thats lovely but you dont need to feel guilty.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2016 11:11

I don't mean this to sound...I don't know 'snippy' or anything, but you're assuming because she spoke to your kids/smiled at them etc, that she wants to spend time with them?

It's quite possible that she doesn't particularly, and that she just enjoys passing the time of day with people now and then.

Original poster

Valentine2 · 27/04/2016 11:13

Ok then. I should forget about it then. Hope I see her there again sometime.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 27/04/2016 11:14

^^ this she doesnt know you maybe doesnt want to know you or your son you cant force friendships because you feel sorry for an old woman.

BillBrysonsBeard · 27/04/2016 11:18

You're lovely OP but overthinking it. It would be unusual to have invited her for coffee. Like Worra says she enjoyed the interaction but that's it, we meet strangers but then get on with our own day.

FlyingScotsman · 27/04/2016 11:18

Or maybe she wouold have liked that.

It'simpossible to sau is it? Especially if she has lived abroad and is used to a 'different way' to relate socially.
If you see her again, then ask her if she wants to have a coffee with you at the coffe shop next door. And see how it goes.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2016 11:21

Are you at a bit of a loose end yourself OP?

Is there a local pensioner's club that you could perhaps volunteer at? I know my local one is a lot of fun.

I used to volunteer years ago and couldn't keep up with some of them

pigsDOfly · 27/04/2016 11:21

Yes it would make you look slightly unhinged.

You have no idea who this woman is. She could come to your house and steal all the family silver, for all you know :)

The way you write about her makes her sound really old, but you say she's caring for an elderly parent. Unless the parent is 120, she can't be that old surely.

I often get chatting to random people in shops and often by the time the chat has ended I know more about them than I want to - one woman recently went into great detail about her very painful sounding operation. Actually, she's the second person recently who's regaled me with tales of their op.

The last place I lived had a lot of street drinkers living in the area. We'd see one another often when I walked my dog, they'd stop to say hello to the dog and we'd chat.

However, I've yet to invite any of the women with their operations or the street drinkers home for coffee. I'm sure they'd all think I was very strange if I did.

MrsJayy · 27/04/2016 11:29

I have had tales of ops family ops once got a full run down on an infected toe if the man could get his shoe off he would have shown me . I must have 1 of those faces, Its nice to chat though passes a few minutes

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/04/2016 11:35

Op you sound like a lovely person but I feel you're over-thinking this a bit. See if you see her there next time, allow relationships to grow and THEN it might be appropriate to ask her over. Not right away, that seems slightly odd (however well-intentioned)!

Original poster

Valentine2 · 27/04/2016 11:36

I can't volunteer right now though it does sound like a good idea. But too busy with DCs and work.
I think I should leave it as the opinion here is nearly unanimous.

OP posts:

rogueantimatter · 27/04/2016 11:40

I agree. FWIW you sound like me This is the sort of thing I'd think too. It's hard to know if she was hoping for you to spend time with her. Even if she did she will understand that as the mum of a littl'un you're probably too busy to spend unscheduled time with someone you don't know.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/04/2016 11:40

Ah bless you for being so kind and thinking that you should have invited her to spend some time with your DS, but really, you were NOT rude at all to not have done this.

Maybe if you do see her again, and she remembers you, then you can possibly suggest she joins you in the park or similar; but don't sweat it.

BennyTheBall · 27/04/2016 11:43

I manage to get through life having the odd nice chat with strangers and not inviting them for tea.

I think this is normal. Taking it further after one brief encounter would be, to me, rather odd.

AppleSetsSail · 27/04/2016 11:47

OP you sound like a really nice person. I sometimes feel the urge to extend invites to random characters (my husband doesn't like this).

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/04/2016 12:06

It's curious, isn't it - many people think it would be odd to invite a relative stranger for a coffee at their home (based on a very short acquaintance) but will ask a person out for a date based on a similarly brief acquaintance because 'life's too short not to take a risk'. Why is it ok for dating but not otherwise?

Just musing now, sorry op

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2016 12:10

Because you can generally tell if someone is attracted to you.

People having a quick natter whilst waiting for a prescription, tend to be doing just that.

It's quite possible the elderly lady hasn't given the OP a second thought, as I probably wouldn't to be fair. That's because I tend to chat to anyone and everyone

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