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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH not to use overly formal language when speaking to me

176 replies

printmeanicephoto · 26/04/2016 19:51

Two such words that he just drops into "casual" conversation when speaking to me are "hitherto" and "in perpetuity". I feel sometimes like he's talking to me as if we were discussing a legal case! I find it too formal. Most of time he's fine but using seemingly legal/formal language with me just makes my skin crawl. I've mentioned it and how it makes me feel and he thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/04/2016 19:54

Is he a lawyer?

Original poster
printmeanicephoto · 26/04/2016 19:55

No.

OP posts:
almostthirty · 26/04/2016 19:55

I don't think yabu but does he work in a very formal environment? I'm only asking because sometimes when. I get in from work I'm still in 'work mode' and will often talk to dh as if I am given instructions etc it really annoys him and will tell me he's not my TA, which usually snaps me out of it!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 26/04/2016 19:55

Well, so long as it's not during sex....

Owllady · 26/04/2016 19:57

Try being married to an engineer

LeaLeander · 26/04/2016 19:57

I think it's folly to try to change people to suit our own tastes. If that is his normal speech pattern, why should he change, when you think about it. If he asked you to speak MORE formally, would you? Or would you expect him to accept you as you are?

I think it would be cool to converse with someone who doesn't resort to the lowest common vernacular at every turn.

GreatFuckability · 26/04/2016 19:58

has he always spoken like that? if so, then i think YABU to ask him to change words that he would normally use.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 26/04/2016 19:59

Oh god...i had an ex who did this! It drove me up the wall.

I alway felt like it was a bit 'I am extremely intelligent and will use big words to make others feel inferior'.

Also he was a pretentious knob.

TheCatsMeow · 26/04/2016 20:01

YABU if that's just the way he talks. I use "ergo" in conversation and have had raised eyebrows, yet I think it's completely normal.

If he's doing it deliberately however, that is a different issue.

Original poster
printmeanicephoto · 26/04/2016 20:02

Yeah I don't want to be unreasonable - he's def started using it more since becoming a director - he does have to look at contracts as part of his work. He swears blind it has nothing to do with this though! I just find it all a bit pompous.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 26/04/2016 20:03

My OH tried the 'with the greatest respect...' line once and I ripped the piss out of him for weeks.

'Oh here we go, Kofi Annan meets Basil Fawlty.'

DaisyAdair · 26/04/2016 20:04

has he always spoken like that? if so, then i think YABU to ask him to change words that he would normally use.

Yes, but 'hitherto' and 'in perpetuity?' Confused

iklboo · 26/04/2016 20:05

'Sesquipedalianism is the resort of the insecure, darling'.

Princesspeach1980 · 26/04/2016 20:08

DH both do this, and both laugh at each other. I accidentally use emergency services jargon, and he launches into cheesy corporate nonsense. I would just take the mickey when he goes into work mode.

DailyFailAreABunchOfCunts · 26/04/2016 20:09

Which is why, henceforth, I shall be referring to you as 'A Pompous Twat'.

MrsMook · 26/04/2016 20:11

DH has tried explaining things to our young children using words like "fundamentally" «facepalm»

Hassled · 26/04/2016 20:12

DH uses wanky corporate speak without realising - it's just the world he works in.

But if that isn't the world your DH works in then it's just bizarre - and so pompous. Is it a deliberate attempt to patronise you, do you think?

PuppyMonkey · 26/04/2016 20:14

What sort of sentence would he use "hitherto?"

Is it like: "hitherto I shall not be doing the dishes."

I am going to have a poo in perpetuity"

If so, I like him. Grin

villainousbroodmare · 26/04/2016 20:15

Nothing a good snorty laugh wouldn't sort out, I expect! Grin
Does sound extremely pompous, especially if, as you say, it correlates with a promotion at work. I'd say there is a great deal of fun to be had with it!

PuppyMonkey · 26/04/2016 20:16

Or do I mean "hitherto I have never done the dishes."

I'm not even sure what hitherto means tbh.

Topseyt · 26/04/2016 20:17

My Dad could sound a bit like this. Things like you "partake of" something rather than just taking part. Other examples that I can't remember but will come to mind. He wasn't always too bad in general conversation, but if he was writing a letter it always sounded incredibly pompous. Grin

I guess you cannot change the person. If it is the only gripe I would just let it go, whilst taking the piss out of him for it when it suited me (not in a nasty way, promise). I mean, if he says "hitherto" then correct him with "up to now", or "to date" and for "in perpetuity" correct him to "forever".

Pinkheart5915 · 26/04/2016 20:17

My dh is a lawyer and occasionally speaks to me in a very formal way doesn't even realise his doing it. It's generally only on the days his been in to work it takes him a while to switch back to "home mode"

WipsGlitter · 26/04/2016 20:19

DP did this the other day. Talked about "pushing back" the date we were going to meet friends for dinner. Prat!

ImperialBlether · 26/04/2016 20:20

I had a friend in the police and she'd say "allegedly" if she was telling me something. Grin

trufflesnout · 26/04/2016 20:21

Ugh no, YANBU. What a turn off.