To ask DH not to use overly formal language when speaking to me

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Two such words that he just drops into "casual" conversation when speaking to me are "hitherto" and "in perpetuity". I feel sometimes like he's talking to me as if we were discussing a legal case! I find it too formal. Most of time he's fine but using seemingly legal/formal language with me just makes my skin crawl. I've mentioned it and how it makes me feel and he thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

albertcampionscat, I'm the same when I'm tired! I have a broad vocabulary (not a boast, is true) and I dont' think about how I talk, I just talk. And sometimes people ask me what words mean. And I explain them if they ask. But, it's not my fault if people don't understand what to me are really normal words!! And no, it's not the same to always use a 'simpler' word when it totally changes the nuance of what you're trying to say. It's not 'trying to look intelligent' . In fact, people who are trying to look intelligent usually use words wrongly because they don't actually understand them, in my experience...

Are you Lizzy Bennett OP?

Hello TheCuriousOwl. Hey, it's one more thing to feel self-conscious about now. Just what I needed.

DH starts this on occasion as well as using corporate wankspeak. I just take the piss and use it right back at him - have you tried that?
He's getting better at sounding like a human being now.

I do this because of work. My son wanted his Kinder Egg at the till the other day and I said he couldn't have it because the transaction hadn't yet been processed and that leaving the premises with the egg at that stage would be considered a theft.

He's five.

Nothing wrong with people talking properly.

I guess we all have different ideas of what that means though. I find unnecessary formality amusing.

Sometimes it might be partly a generational thing. When we were small children my Dad often referred to the toilet as the lavatory because he felt that was "proper". It made no difference though. I never called it that and always said toilet, loo or occasionally bog (dead common, me ). He has now climbed down from that. They have a toilet rather than a lavatory now.

I too have a broad vocabulary and will occasionally talk like a lawyer when I'm at home. I'd be pissed at anyone of accusing me of being pompous, stuck-up, or unable to speak in a simple way. And very often a simpler word doesn't have the nuance of the word I want to use.

Actual lol at this thread. DH and I were having a minor disagreement about something a couple of weeks ago and he said 'I think you'll find x' which made me fall about laughing because we usually use that phrase to take the piss out of people who are overly pedantic and it gets said in a nasal tone.

DP does it a lot, but it's just him, so I ignore it or we laugh at it. He's brilliant at crosswords. He's a very high IQ and I honestly think he can't help it.

'Hitherto' is a great word! I can't say that I ever used the expression 'in perpetuity' myself, but henceforth I will endeavour to do so.

I'm a solicitor and do find myself saying 'hereto' and 'thereunto' in normal conversations. I do try not to sound like a pompous twit but it flows naturally for me .

It kind of depends. I mean, I might use 'in perpuity' in the the correct context, but I'm also of Scottish working class descent so might also use 'your arse is oot the windae' in a different context probably not in the same conversation, although if your arse is oot the windae in perpetuity, you're in a bad spot.

I guess it depends on why he's speaking like this. If it's just the way he is or a hangover from work, then I think you have to suck it up (DP tolerates FS terms and I tolerate engineering terms on much the same basis, although we do occasionally take the piss).

Are you of a similar level of education? Do you feel he's trying to show off? I guess that would grate, but outside of that it's just language. DP says 'eh' a lot. I dislike it but I deal with it because it's just him, not malicious etc.

My ex started talking like that after we split, and it felt like dick-swinging. 'Here's how many long words I know. Do you know as many long words as me? Didn't think so...' But tone has a lot to do with it. Do you feel he's being patronizing when he talks that way, because that would get most people's backs up.

"Is it like: "hitherto I shall not be doing the dishes."

I am going to have a poo in perpetuity"

If so, I like him."

I really hope so!

A long time ago (90s) a friend of mine was having a bit of a shouty argument with her husband. He stopped her, mid rant, and said "bullet points - give it to me in bullet points'.

I think it stopped the argument though!

My OH does this, but he also stops the conversation just to congratulate himself if he's used a big or obscure word. Or if I use a big word he does the same. I don't mind though.

SIL does this a lot. Her favourite phrases are "his paramour" (referring to her ex boyfriends new girlfriend) and "penultimately". I sit there thinking get to the fucking point

It depends what content it's used it. Natural conversation flow is perfectly acceptable imo. But if it was being used for one upman ship or to peacock. Then what a turn off.

But I would much rather this than someone who is all street talk or can barely string a sentance together or carry a descent comversation.

CandyFlossBrain, I had a thread once about the wanky emails that ExHs send during divorce proceedings. They think they're Kofi Annan but they just sound like twats.

Another solicitor her who accidentally does thisDH has been known to ask me to stop cross examining him. I also add allegedly into many normal discussions and get called upon my sister in law to interrogate children when the facts of certain events are unclear.

It's not just talking, I once called BT from work and reported a fault with my home line before realising I was dialling 9 before every call from home. And sometimes I say stop at the end of a sentence when talking to my mum as if I'm dictating. Probably because I am not always concentrating on her latest escapades.

My OH does this, but he also stops the conversation just to congratulate himself if he's used a big or obscure word. Or if I use a big word he does the same. I don't mind though.

Hilarious!

Yes WipsGlitter 'pushing back' the date - my husband says this too!! It's his 'office speak mode' still on ... and I do take the piss!

OP, YANBU. But luckily he's fine most of the time. If this is the worst we need to worry about, I think we'll all live :-)