Page 6 | To ask DH not to use overly formal language when speaking to me

printmeanicephoto · 2016-04-26T18:51:49+00:00

Two such words that he just drops into "casual" conversation when speaking to me are "hitherto" and "in perpetuity". I feel sometimes like he's talking to me as if we were discussing a legal case! I find it too formal. Most of time he's fine but using seemingly legal/formal language with me just makes my skin crawl. I've mentioned it and how it makes me feel and he thinks I'm being unreasonable. AIBU?

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 27/04/2016 07:24

PetrolBastard · 27/04/2016 07:25

I'm on the windbag's side. I honestly feel more comfortable using whatever word occurs to me at the time. Sometimes it is a biggun. I don't make any effort to purposefully think of the longest word. But sometimes, a very long word pops into my head as the most apposite for the job.

PuppyMonkey · 27/04/2016 07:35

Enjoying this thread. Have just recalled that DP often does a pompous "I have commissioned the xxxxx" for when he's fixed something (big DIY fan). So, he might say "I have commissioned the toilet" if he's fixed the dodgy seat or something. Funny.

I used to cover council meetings as a newspaper reporter and there was one pompous councillor who said "appertaining to" all the time. The journalists on the press bench used to all have a sweetie if he said it - like a "drink along" game.

PuppyMonkey · 27/04/2016 07:35

Enjoying this thread. Have just recalled that DP often does a pompous "I have commissioned the xxxxx" for when he's fixed something (big DIY fan). So, he might say "I have commissioned the toilet" if he's fixed the dodgy seat or something. Funny.

I used to cover council meetings as a newspaper reporter and there was one pompous councillor who said "appertaining to" all the time. The journalists on the press bench used to all have a sweetie if he said it - like a "drink along" game.

Doublejeopardy · 27/04/2016 07:41

I recently us the word conurbation my DH didn't let it drop for a week!

coldcanary · 27/04/2016 07:47

I posted this ages ago on a thread that's floating around classics somewhere but while DS (14 at the time) was playing on Xbox live with some mates all I heard was him saying 'you shot me! How very dare you sir!' I was expecting the odd 'prithee' to come out as well but sadly not
It must come from from his Dad's side.

coldcanary · 27/04/2016 07:47

I posted this ages ago on a thread that's floating around classics somewhere but while DS (14 at the time) was playing on Xbox live with some mates all I heard was him saying 'you shot me! How very dare you sir!' I was expecting the odd 'prithee' to come out as well but sadly not
It must come from from his Dad's side.

RaspberryOverload · 27/04/2016 07:58

AnotherEmma Tue 26-Apr-16 20:24:51
YANBU
I recently did some training with a woman who KEPT saying "ascertain". So, so annoying. By the end I was dying to blurt out "CHECK! Why not just say CHECK!"

I used to work with someone like this as well, "ascertain" being one of the words used. Drove me mad, I was the manager and used to re-write stuff to convert their work into plain English.

RaspberryOverload · 27/04/2016 08:10

OP's DH isn't talking "properly". He's failing to use the right register for the context.

He's not necessarily using "bigger" words. He's using words that are only appropriate for formal written language and that are archaic in spoken language. It doesn't matter how big the word is. It's just inappropriate

Totally agree with Gwen on this one. I have to look at contracts all the time (I don't write them) and they are full of formal language you only find in, well, written contracts.

It's language for a specific written purpose and certainly not for speech, so using words like "hitherto" in everyday speech just makes someone an idiot.

We have contracts lawyers at our place of work and neither they, the senior staff, or even the directors use this kind of formal language in speech.

DaisyAdair · 27/04/2016 08:11

I remember feeling very proud and a bit unnerved when my grandson, aged about four at the time, used the word 'whereas' in a sentence

JessieMcJessie · 27/04/2016 08:15

badLad re "henceforth" and "hitherto".

To the PP who is the teacher with the TA who asked her what "truncated" meant and also asks about words that other people have used that she didn't understand, you sound a bit irritated by this? Why? Isn't it good that she's asking you and not just rolling her eyes?

DH and I occasionally slip the odd "antediluvian" type word into conversation and then congratulate each other for excellent word choice before continuing the chat...we are well suited.

Jem, loving your Professor Dad.

PalmerViolet · 27/04/2016 08:15

I like words.

English has such a huge variety of words to play with that it's a bit of a joy to use as many of them as possible.

I think EBear has it about right.

MrsD my husband is ex forces too, still speaks militaryese at home sometimes, which is fine, it was his life for nearly 40 years and I just translate it into English for anyone looking perplexed.

MorrisZapp · 27/04/2016 08:17

DP is a serial offender with the office chat. 'let's bottom out these holiday dates' etc. Also 'I would advise you to...'

He works from home so I'm often treated to his long telephone chats with clients, liberally peppered with Brentisms. I admire him is his work role but it's fucking hilaire when he turns round to us with it.

MummyBex1985 · 27/04/2016 08:21

I'm a lawyer and DH is an engineer. You can imagine how conversations go in our house

MummyBex1985 · 27/04/2016 08:23

Oh and even better. My lawyer friend and his teacher wife had the following argument....

"STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR CLIENTS!!"

"WELL STOP TREATING ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR PUPILS!!"

Wish I'd been a fly on the wall in that argument

var123 · 27/04/2016 08:24

Get a divorce! If you are picking at his choice of words and you are demanding that he dumb down for you, then he'll have to carefully choose his words every time he speaks to you to make sure you are comfortable. That's miserable all round. So, rather than chipping away at who he is, just get a divorce and let him be himself.

mix56 · 27/04/2016 08:41

There is pompous & then there is educated.
"enjoying the variety" as pp said, using a large vocabulary, being erudite.......

synonyms: learned, scholarly, well educated, knowledgeable, well read, widely read, well versed, well informed, lettered, cultured, cultivated, civilized, intellectual;

BlueMoonRising · 27/04/2016 08:44

I've had a few people remark on words I have said, but they have been very (to me at least!) ordinary words. The number of people that have made comments is low enough for me to think that it's basically just the difference between someone that reads (well, has read - don't have so much time any more!) books and someone that really only ever reads magazines. I'm not being judgey, it's an observation.

Language is fun, we should enjoy it!

(And personally imo there is a difference between 'check' and 'ascertain' - check is about making sure you know what you think you know, where is ascertain is about finding out information that you don't know, but others might)

Gwenhwyfar · 27/04/2016 08:49

"And anyway, sometimes 'hitherto' is just the best word for the job."

Not in spoken language it's not. There are modern equivalents.

shovetheholly · 27/04/2016 09:02

My DH does this. His father also has a very quaint, old-fashioned manner of speech - his grandfather was actually really poor, but cultivated a cut glass accent and slightly pompous phraseology as part of a nascent middle class identity, and his father has been very obsessed with maintaining that. DH is not nearly as worried about it in class terms (perhaps that very anxiety is now old-fashioned), but I think it's soaked into the family's linguistic culture so it's second nature to him. I just grin when he does it and he laughs and says 'Ooops, sorry'.

CocktailQueen · 27/04/2016 09:02

Make up a 'wank word bingo' sheet.

Every time he says one of the words on the sheet, shout 'bingo!' and cross it out ostentatiously. Give yourself a treat when you get a full house.

See how long it takes before he loses the 'hithertos' and 'in perpetuitys'...

Wdigin2this · 27/04/2016 09:05

What's wrong with before and forever that would irritate me too! Look up a few long, complicated words he probably doesn't know, and chuck them into your conversation....see what he thinks!

FreeProteinFromTheSky · 27/04/2016 09:06

But why say ,'up to this date', or, 'up to this point in time', when you can say hitherto. Hitherto is the correct word. Just because lots of people don't use the word doesn't make it wrong. Papers, magazines and telly are all dumbed down to buggery, let us not allow it to influence our speech. My neighbour had a laugh at me for using the word identical the other day. I just thought, 'You thick twat!' We should use whatever language we like as long as we are using it correctly IMO.

KERALA1 · 27/04/2016 09:09

Its not a sign of being a lawyer - not a decent one anyway. Its all about plain English these days and as someone said on page 2 intelligent people can explain complex ideas in simple easy to understand language. DH is such a person.

That said it cracked me up when DH was trying to comfort a sobbing 6 year old DD after someone had "stolen" her best friend that "there is no property in a witness".

Ludways · 27/04/2016 09:13

I love it when people use words not normally heard in everyday conversation. I'd really like your dh. He'd like me too, I do the same, lol.