Child excluded from party

[Winterdaisy]

I know this is a common problem but I need to know what to do about it.
My son appears to have been excluded from a 8th birthday party that every other boy in his class attended today. Photos on Facebook.
He says he was not invited as my first thought was he had not passed on the invite to me. He is at a small village school with only one class per year.
My son does seem to have had some friends issues lately and has gone from being in the thick of playing it to hanging out with one other boy (they are both academic geek types) talking mine craft when I drop him off at school.
So would I be unreasonable to talk to teacher and find out what is going on and if he is excluded for a reason ? He can be boisterous and can be a bit too clever at times, may have upset other children ☹️
Or do I just keep out? I have no intention of asking the mother as she is very nice and would hate to embarrass her, or myself if it's because my child has been horrid to hers.

Not in my book, toomanyeggs, I feel the same way. My child is free to invite whom she chooses but, if it were a question of a single child not being invited for no good reason, we would rethink that and child would be invited - or others not invited also.

Inviting a bully against your own child's needs and wishes is bad parenting in my opinion and they'd reap that poor decision later.

Maryz I am astounded, really some people are on another planet altogether. Only on Mumsnet. Yes I have a child with Sn at special school.

Eight-year-old Marie Bentham hangs herself in her bedroom with her skipping rope because she can no longer face the bullies at school
www.independent.co.uk/news/hanged-girl-8-was-victim-of-bullying-at-primary-school-1045071.html

9-year-old Jessica O'Connell kept a two-year diary of events in which she describes being hit, verbally abused and held down in a swimming pool. Jessica thought about killing herself because of two years of bullying by a classmate which the school To mummy. I wish I was dead so I don't have to suffer any more pain xxxx. I love you.
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3019132.stm

Bullies drove a nine-year-old boy to hang himself because he was being bullied as a 'new boy'
www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/08/14/boy-9-hanged-himself-because-of-bullies-claims-heartbroken-family_n_7369776.html

But yeah go on, make kids like this invite their bullies to the party just to appease others.

You can't make others like your child though. My DD3 teacher tells me there is no problem other than girls prefer to play with others than my DD. There is no suggestion of her ever having bullied anyone. Girls just don't gravitate towards her.
I think she understands - I've seen when the leader says get into twos, she instinctively waits until she is paired up with the last one.

We are hoping secondary school might be a new start.

Oh give over Aeroflot, it's not just MN, it's RL. People who post here live in the real world and your child doesn't trump somebody else's. Nobody's does.

No blooming way on this earth would I invite a child who was nasty and mean to my child no parent would, SN or not. I would be very justified not doing so. They are not my child's concern and should not be.

Grays.. hearbreaking, isn't it? I think the posters who don't see the other side never will.

Lying I'm agreeing with you, it's Maryz I am shocked with.

If a "bully" is left out of every birthday party, and that's ok, the only lesson s/he will learn is that it's ok to leave people out

Or maybe they'll realise that if you want to be invited to places then being nice might be the best solution and that hurting others has consequences.

It's not bullying to not invite a child that is mean and nasty to a child's party.

Headofthehive... Oh that's sad for your daughter. It does happen though, yes. Secondary school is bigger and whilst there is more opportunity for being side-lined, there is also more scope for meeting and making new friends as you say.

lying I'm actually quite upset with this thread. I used to physically throw up because I was so scared of and stressed out by my bully. But I would have been a bully had I not invited them to my home for a celebration of my birthday

Sorry then Aeroflot, I misread your post.

As far as I can see, there is only one person on here agreeing with inviting a bully to a party.

My child will not be a social experiment, they are my main priority and their happiness, a celebration of their day will not involve someone who is mean to them. Not all kids who bully have SN, some are justbnasty, the product of their upbringing, outside issyes.

Maryz, where did OutMcoutymyself say that? Aside from her use of 'apparently'? She did say that 'SN or no SN' it's not ok. What's to disagree with there?

I think you're perhaps taking this over-personally and it's gone beyond a general discussion now. 'This is my child' is an excellent campaign and I don't think anybody disagrees with it but what about, These are OUR children? We're talking about children being bullied here and no child is more important than any other - with SN or not.

To their parents (who are posting here), their own child is the only child whose needs will come first.

Maryz

You said people shouldn't be left out of parties didn't you? I assumed you know parties are often at peoples homes? Bullies 'like those' what do you mean bullies 'like those'? Bullies are bullies.

And of course there should be adults responsible, but that's a completely different issue to the one at hand here.

And nope, not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that those are the sorts of children who you are expecting to be 'inclusive' and consider their bullies feelings above their own.

your whole devolution of this thread has been disingenuous, from your comments about 'all children being excluded are SN' to your complete poo poohing of the welfare of those being bullied.