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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scouts Parade v family life

363 replies

ParadiseCity · 23/04/2016 15:57

My 11 yo is in scouts and tomorrow there is a St Georges parade through town. His leader told them all 'it's compulsory and you can't be excused unless you are dead or dying'. However, DS is reluctant and I just don't have the inclination to jolly him into it. I'm glad he does scouts but at that age I was a guide and remember how embarrassing the public parades were. I'm normally ultra supportive of all their activities and think that when you have committed to something you stick with it etc. But he committed to Tuesday evenings down the road not a Sunday afternoon in town. I work full time, juggle a lot of stuff (as we all do), and just for once I CANNOT BE ARSED. AIBU and should I woman up and make him go?

OP posts:
500internalerror · 23/04/2016 20:07

We combined it with another event earlier in the week. But 100% we'd be attending. In fact, if you were local to me I'd take your child for you, and buy him a meal on the way, if we hadn't already promised ourselves for another scout thing for 6 hours tomorrow. That's how important I think it is to join in once you've joined.

Shapebandit · 23/04/2016 20:08

I'm a cub leader. I work full time and have 3 young children and I give up way more of my time than just the 2 hours each week that the cubs meet for. It takes hours and hours to plan activities and camps etc, and not all of it is fun, there are some boring bits of admin too!!
I do think it's a shame when some of the youngsters can't be bothered to take part in the bits that they don't find as interesting.
I'll be at parade tomorrow. With my 2 children in scouting and also my youngest who I don't have any childcare for because I think it's important to take part fully in something you have committed to.
I think it would be instilling good values into your son to encourage him to attend.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 23/04/2016 20:09

Luckily I don't need to Sir because people in real life aren't actually the arses you'd assume from reading AIBU (and MN in general actually). The people who run our scout group are lovely.

Scouting isn't the cult it's being made out to be on this thread.

greedygorb · 23/04/2016 20:10

St George's Day parade is not compulsory in our group. In fact we're not going this year as none of the leaders are free. (I'm in Scotland). It wasn't compulsory in the group I was in in NI.
Personally I hate the church parade. Hated it when I was in scouts, hated it now I'm a leader.
I do think the parade is dying a bit of a death round here. A lot of our district aren't going this year.
I love scouting. I love what we do and I love the fact there is an ethos behind all the fun- to do your best, to be kind and helpful, to help other people. What's not to like about that.

SideOrderofChip · 23/04/2016 20:12

shapebandit I'm a beaver leader and im the same. Its not just one hour a week. Its paper work. Its risk assessments. If i don't do risk assessments then your child doesn't get to go and do 'fun stuff' because we won't be insured to do it. Camps take planning (also negotiation with DH about time off work so he can have our three kids). So does term planning. And group activities.

And all we really ask in return is that twice a year you bring your child for the 'boring stuff'.

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 20:15

I don't see Scouting being made out to be a 'cult' - what I see is an organisation which gives young people fantastic opportunities whilst teaching them about responsibility and commitment to the group they are attending and its expectations of them.

My eldest has been through the Scout movement from Beavers to Young Leader and the youngest is at Cubs. Both of them accept that occasionally they have to do something that might not be quite as exciting as the zillion other fun things they get to do. They also understand that their lovely leaders who expect their attendance at the not so fun things aren't arses.

I8toys · 23/04/2016 20:17

Yabu and reading too much into it. Its fun and a chance to walk with their friends in their uniform. You need to support your group. Its not forever.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 23/04/2016 20:18

But, you're still failing to realise that it might not be about 'doing something a bit less exciting'. It might be nothing do with the church but being boring at all.

Mistigri · 23/04/2016 20:20

What is the reason for the parade? (I know it's St George's day but the link between saints and marching isn't an obvious one to the uninitiated).

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 20:26

Not sure what you mean there Step.

DoingTheBestICan · 23/04/2016 20:26

St George is the Patron Saint of Scouting as well as England. My ds will be marching tomorrow and we are in Wales.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 20:57

Hmm, I guess I'm just not a parade type person either, luckily we don't have any. I think we'd all be a bit reluctant about attending them but my DSs have committed to lots of things that they may not have chosen. It's not okay to pick and choose which weeks to go along imo even if it is something like hill walking which they don't enjoy. As well as "fun Stuff" they've done loads of community or fundraising things including giving up their weekends. They've bag-packed, done forestry work, tidied up parks, created a garden in a local school, sung in the old peoples home etc etc

Would I be making them go to a St Georges Day parade if there was one and they weren't keen,? No I don't think I would.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 23/04/2016 21:09

I mean that there can be all sorts of reasons people might not do the church bit, none of which have anything to do with it being boring. It is ridiculous to assume that the only possible reason for not going to the churchy bits is because it's less exciting or fun.

And not going to church should not be a reason to exclude people from scouting. The scout movement has been very clear over recent years that it is inclusive of people of all and no faiths. Therefore it is ridiculous to pretend that turning up to a Church of England ceremony twice a year is the crucial thing about scouting.

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 21:17

No-one is saying that turning up to a C of E (or S) is the crucial thing about scouting.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 21:19

Scouting to my family means:

Learning new things
Building confidence
Having adventures
Helping others/the community
Building relationships and tolerance
Enjoying the outdoors
Learning about commitments
Having Fun

For is it isn't about faith or marching, that's the BBs which we didn't choose for exactly that reason.

Our troup clearly suits us as we've been committed to it for 10 tears so far.

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 21:21

Yep, that what Scouting means to my family too. The once a year attendance at church parade comes under 'learning about commitments' - they're resilient lads, they take it in their stride.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 21:25

I appreciate that suits your Sir as I say it isn't a dilemma for me as we don't have parages or church attendance, but we wouldn't do that regardless. We learn and show commitment in other ways.

I have gone to the effort of opting out of religious observance at school so it isn't something that just occurs to us when we can't be bothered getting up on a Sunday morning.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 23/04/2016 21:27

According to this thread, all scouting asks is that people sit through the St George's day and Remembrance Sunday services (and perhaps parades around afterwards). What's more, if you're not willing to commit to that, you shouldn't get involved in scouting at all.

Thankfully scouting has a much more rounded view of what the organisation is than some MNers on their high horses. DS1's old group didn't even do anything for St George's day at all, never mind made it some sort of central requirement of membership.

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 21:30

The difference is that the OP does One - showing commitment to your Scouts doesn't mean 'showing commitment to the bits of my choosing', it means demonstrating commitment to an annual event which is very important to that particular troop.

None of us attend church regularly and I am an atheist - but that doesn't stop us attending a one off church service to show commitment to the Scouts.

SirChenjin · 23/04/2016 21:31

I don't see the thread that way at all Step. There may be some posters who feel that way, but 'some posters' do not a thread make.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 23/04/2016 21:34

It's horses for courses Sir I don't think we would have felt the same about a troup that held attendance at a parade for a saint in such high importance. Remembrance day is different and again we are lucky in that it's a short ceremony at the monument rather than anything more overtly religious. Remembrance service we all view as different from church per se as its about honouring the war dead and both DSs have been to the WWI trenches so have a decent understanding now of why they are there and don't protest at all.

Primaryteach87 · 23/04/2016 22:04

I wouldn't go. I see all the advantages and reasons but at the end of day you have to manage your time/energy/will power. I'd be done it trying to rush between it all.

GlindatheFairy · 23/04/2016 22:19

Don't go if neither you nor he like that sort of thing. I don't see what blind bit of difference it makes to the troop whether they march in some daft jingoistic parade. It's so old fashioned and irrelevant to most people.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/04/2016 22:37

GlindatheFairy

Its about taking the scouts promise, if people consider it "jingoistic", "old fashioned" and "irrelevant" then maybe they shouldn't be joining the organisation.

TrixieBernadette · 23/04/2016 22:51

Ds has done the parade once. And i cant get him to do it again. If it were just the parade, hed go i think, but its the parade and then standing at the community square for over an hour, before parading back. He froze last time and hated standing upright for an hour, so he remembers that and refuses. hes asd, i try every year, i can get him to do most activities, but parades and church things right now are still a no. And tbh, its not fair on other scouts if he meltsdown and has no where to go (and parents cant walk with the parade)

Ds2 has only just joined, but next year i will try and get them both there. Again.