To prioritise my husbands job

[Yellowsun11]

Back ground is I have a decent degree , but due to mental health issues proberbly haven't gone as far as I could . I'm
Not particularly interested in a career . Iv had jobs I like but my priority is balancing my home life while children are secondary age and younger . Part because husband earns a fair bit more than me but also because the strain of us both doing full time with my health and family is to much . A couple of friends are horrified by this and have hinted it's not the done thing in this day and age ! Just wondered others views -and situation . I surely aren't the only woman to work round her husbands job? If I could earn as much as him I'm sure he would be part time , - but I can't. And we want one of us to be home for them ( the majority of the time )

I pay my own way.

Is it just me finding this thread hugely depressing?

SAHM v WM threads always go the same way IMO - with SAHM's declaring that they are doing 'what's best for my family' and throwing in a few smug 'nurturing and caring' and 'hubby's 6 figure salary' remarks for good measure.

I read these threads and I try to be unbiased, I really do. But what it always boils down to is women who are (in most cases) perfectly capable of having a decent, and more importantly, enjoyable and fulfilling career, giving it all up for hubs, the children and for keeping the taps shiny at all times.

I never want that life, or that attitude, for myself and definitely not for my daughters. So I will continue to work, and 'nuture' my family perfectly well at the same time. Because I am superwoman.

Sorry if I've missed something but with what?

I have earned money since my youngest was 6 months old. Part of the freedom of ditching my career was to allow me to make an income working from home.

Again, that's great Pearly but what's that got to do with feminism? Also you do have a career (working from home counts doesn't it?) so doubly don't understand your point here really.

Exactly what I was about to say Splendide.

Where you work is irrelevant, surely? Working to earn an income = a career as far as I'm concerned.

So actually pearly you have managed to avoid financial dependence whilst nurturing and parenting your Dcs, which is what dh and I both do. It is completely different from SAHing and the desire to do that I would argue is common to both sexes.

I have earned money since my youngest was 6 months old. Part of the freedom of ditching my career was to allow me to make an income working from home

Isn't that a career change?

I never want that life, or that attitude, for myself and definitely not for my daughters. So I will continue to work, and 'nuture' my family perfectly well at the same time. Because I am superwoman.

It is great that you can do both, I suspect my husband could as well but I can't. I struggled working and raising a family and it was making us all miserable. I can't give up the children but I can give up my career.

I now work for myself but I wouldn't call it a career, it is a "lifestyle business" I think - a phrase I don't like or fully understand.

But Phil you are still working and earning money, therefore not depending solely on your partner for an income. You changed career, you didn't end it.

I don't have a career either- simply a way of making money.

I found giving up my career liberating. Didn't like my career, extremely corporate, in the City long hours, international travel lots of money. I could do it, was quite good at it but not amazing. DH didnt like it much either so we left London he does similar thing here but on a less intense basis but can see the DC. Funnily enough went back there last week after 10 years. Not one of my peers who are women were still there, several of the men were.

I was SAHM and now set up on my own and WFH. On paper I "compromised" more financially but set up enabled me to make the break and find something more suited to me than what I was doing before (related to my previous profession not lentil weaving or anything). Life not usually as black and white as some posters intimating.

work would be an overstatement! I have had two successful careers, what I am doing now is a bit of this and that to earn some pin money.
I do some cooking lessons and similar. I charge people for use of our stables and do the odd lesson. I having been renting out part of our home and am looking at doing more of this. I do the odd bit of sewing and baking for money. I also have income from rental properties.
Much of my day is spent drinking coffee, reading or playing with children. It really isn't work.

pholoslothy sounds like my life a bit.

I do lots of little things to earn money, working sporadically for a friend who has a business, writing copy now and again, selling stuff on ebay that I buy at jumble sales, bitcoin mining, matched betting.

Some months I earn more than others, It rarely is below £1500 a month.

I hardly call this type of activity a "career".

As someone who has worked hard in previous careers it is a bit insulting to those who do work to call what I do as work or a career.

Well slap my thigh

But going back to the whole point of this thread, are you doing what you do to 'prioritise your husband's job' or because you want to do it?

I prioritise my OHs career above mine yes. But there are other aspects of my life that are prioritised within the family.

I think that would fall under 'portfolio career' pearly. In a WAHM capacity not WOHM of course.

Ha ha, so next time I am at a jumble sale I can tell people this is a "portfolio Career"

I'm a bit confused about what a truly feminist career choice is then.

It seems as if what we're saying is that post DCs the DM should not compromise her career/earning power in any way, or if she does then the DF should also do that proportionately.

That much I get, but above when I listed the "admin" and child related chores that I did in the household in addition to my part time (still 24hrs and professional) career another poster said that she worked full time and still did all of these.

How is she making more of a feminist choice than me then? Fine if they divorce then she'll have a better earning potential and income, but if they don't well it just looks like more work.

I know the right answer is to have a DH/DP who does 50% of all of the additional tasks, or divorce but hey ho this is real life.

I'd love to have a hobby job that earned me £1500 per month .

Laconnerie I agree.

where are the internet threads where hundreds of men discuss how important it is that men feel able to sacrifice their careers and be at home with the kids while hubby goes out to work.

I work part time and my husband works full time. this is a very very common scenario. It pisses me off to be honest!

An equal set up would see far more men working part time - and then women could enjoy their part time work without having the full burden of childcare to cope with as well.

I know the right answer is to have a DH/DP who does 50% of all of the additional tasks, or divorce but hey ho this is real life.

Sorry, what's that supposed to mean?

A part time job that pays a decent rate is rare though. To earn a decent rate someone needs to work full time.

Not true in the slightest pearly. DH and I both earn decent rates, me particularly in my occasional freelance stuff. For the north anyway, I accept it wouldn't look much to those used to London wages but it gives us a comfortable life. We're both part time and in fact my earning capacity is a lot better since cutting my hours. Partly because it leaves more time for better paid side gigging.

As for portfolio career, plenty of people have built empires from the schmutter business. But snobbery being what it is, you might get taken more seriously if you apply the portfolio career description to your writing.