It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

gold? haha if only! golf!!

Is there a licence that stipulates that part of the service the hotel is offering can only be provided to hotel residents?

OP it sounds like you've already decided to have the venue tbh. I would just roll with it ask your guests to pay however much you need them to and hope no-one declines due the cost avoids you forever due to being financially embarrassed

It's a good point that it's like an overseas wedding - general view is that you're allowed one but not allowed to be pissed off if people don't come. you wouldn't be getting so much grief if you said you were booking a hotel in Capri.

Sorry but you are just being difficult with that last comment. For people that live in Edinburgh an hour and a half won't make much difference compared to an hours travel and for those flying to Edinburgh then flying to Glasgow or Prestwick instead doesn't add on an hours travel it's minutes on the plane. You clearly want gleneagles regardless of if your guests can afford it so yabu.

Do you have to show your key to attend the wedding? So if I lived a couple of miles away I could not attend your wedding.

Op, you said this:
this is our family and close friends list

These are all people you know well,can you not ask them before you cancel your dream venue.

Something along the lines of "we love this venue,but everyone would need to stay at a cost of £x PP. List the benefits of staying there. Could you let us know if a) you are happy to pay that B) you are happy to pay more than that to subsidise other guests c) can't afford to pay that.

If these are all people you know well, can't you just talk to them?

Have you looked at Peebles Hydro ?

PS something you said earlier struck home OP - I love weddings too (just like you) - doesn't mean I've the disposable income to spend £££s a year attending just one wedding (also don't really like hotel weddings, sorry)

Personally I would relax your requirements- ditch the spa golf on site, book local babysitters, accept that a place doesn't have to be perfect to give you a lovely wedding day.

But you seem really fixed on this hotel, you know your friends and family, if you think most would be happy to stay there then book it- but accept that some will decide not to come.

there's no need to stay the night before, there's a local train station and it's an easy drive from edi airport/other key areas and wedding would be late afternoon

your guests then will be flying in/travelling on public transport with suitcases (I assume not in their wedding finery). they will then need into their room with time to unpack/shower/dress/maybe eat. what time can they check into their rooms?

I would say if you are planning on having a fair few guests with DCs and want them to be able to stay to party, then it does need to be in a hotel so they can hire a babysitter in the room and not have to leave when the DCs get tired. You could arrange a group of babysitters for those travelling from a long distance, but generally, I wouldn't expect that at a wedding.

It's a good point that it's like an overseas wedding - general view is that you're allowed one but not allowed to be pissed off if people don't come. you wouldn't be getting so much grief if you said you were booking a hotel in Capri.

I think the Op would if she said 'I want to get married in x country and wonder if I'm being unreasonable to ask my guests to pay £££ to all stay in the hotel of my dreams. If someone gets married overseas there are at least some budget options some of the time aren't there?

Please be aware that Gleneagles can only host weddings and wedding receptions when all guests attending are also resident in the hotel. Unfortunately we do not have sufficient capacity to accommodate non-residential wedding guests.

Which a) makes no sense, you have a limit to wedding guests of say, 150 and irrespective of where they're staying, that's it.
and b) they don't say how they enforce it (as the public presumably access the hotel for drinks or dinner). Do you have to show your room key before you get a meal at the Reception?

I wouldn't use them on principle. I also wouldn't go, on principle.

If you can't afford to pay for all the rooms yourselves you cannot afford this venue. You can't insist that all your guests stay there so you have to consider the possibility that noone will choose to do so and you will be left with the full cost of all the empty rooms. Personally I wouldn't use the venue on principle, I don't like being dictated to.

OP, quite frankly I think you and your H2B are going to find you don't have time in the morning for the spa and golf, there will be all sorts of stuff to deal with, and then it's time to get ready.

You've got this idea of your perfect wedding in your head and all your posts suggests you're not going to listen.

Perfect weddings never happen. Good weddings do, cos something always goes wrong somewhere, I've been to enough to know that.

But if you want that venue, be prepared to pay for the rooms. Personally, if I were invited, I'd decline on cost grounds; travel, present, outfits, etc and then the cost of accommodation, etc, it's more than I'd want to budget for.

But they'd all have to pay for a flight and more than one night, so very likely to be significantly more expensive than £200 per couple

Dinosaurs- yes that's exactly why we wanted one venue so rooms in same building as reception with babysitting

Have you looked at:
Archerfield House, East Lothian
Cardronna near Peebles
The Old Course in St Andrews (the home of golf!)
Fairmont in St Andrews
Hopetoun House (not sure it has a golf course)

Last year I went to a family wedding where we 'had' to stay (family pressure to all be together, rather than a hotel rule). Because we were travelling we stayed the night before too - we didn't want to have to move hotels 3 times during the weekend - and because my adult children were invited I paid for them too (they are on low incomes and could not afford the venue). It cost me more than £1000 (before travel costs, clothes, present). I could afford it, and it was a chance for all family to be together, but I wasn't exactly delighted and it compromised our other holidays for the year.

To those who are saying the hotel is out of order - I think that rules like this often relate to catering facilities. The hotel can't maintain their standards if they have 70 - 200 people for a wedding, PLUS all their hotel rooms and restaurants full of other guests.

Gin, you'd send a different invitation to those 10, stating their invitation includes a room for the night as this is a requirement of the hotel.

"they can't accommodate guests who are not resident"

Yes, they can. They are choosing not to. It's a (very poor, IMO) business decision. I would definitely find another venue, and I would also write to them and state plainly that that is the reason why. (And diss them on Tripadvisor, but that's because I'm evil)

It's not like an overseas wedding as you could go to another hotel in the area that's cheaper/you prefer for most overseas weddings, for those that are "you must stay at this particular venue", that's usually because the venue is in the arse end of nowhere and there aren't other options locally.

The OP's problem is that's there's lots of other options with in a 30 minute drive, and some guests will live in a distance that they might go home afterwards - I was surprised at my wedding in Kent (about 1.5 hours drive from where most of my friends in London lived), how many London guests didn't stay over but went home afterwards, I was expecting DH's Kent based extended family to go home afterwards, but actually about half of them stayed over.

People often will make different choices than you would!

Gin, you'd send a different invitation to those 10, stating their invitation includes a room for the night as this is a requirement of the hotel.
It would get out though and you'd have pissed off people who had to pay for their rooms.

Well it's been fun. I'm off to talk to a brick wall for a bit of diversity. Good luck all.

Venus- some yes, some no so will take a look.

Archerfield is a bit of a nightmare if not staying there as there are no taxis etc to get to local hotels. Wedding food wasn't good either.

Hopetoun is lovely- food gorgeous and I've been to a lovely one there but no rooms for kiddies :(

Will look at St. Andrews again, we loved kinkell byre but no rooms :(

Ultimately for some guests it's going to cost flights and at least a night in a hotel, because it's £300 miles away... Say they manage to get a b&b for £80 which is pretty average, we're talking about the difference of £70 a couple maximum. We will look at alternatives though and explicitly state no gifts because we know it's already costing people to come, regardless.

We appreciate that the flight + hotel
Because of distance means some people may not be able to come, it's a shame but we get it.