It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

OP, it was a naked black woman tied to a tree.

I DO think it's off of the hotel to insist on guests booking rooms. It can obviously get away with it due to its fame and reputation.

HOWEVER, if most of your guests are travelling 300 miles and will need to book a hotel for the night anyway, will they really be able to find one nearby for £50-£75? (or actually cheaper, if they are considering drinking and will need a taxi- how much would a taxi cost to the nearest, less expensive hotel)?

If I were you, I'd sound out the idea of the hotel with a few of your guests before ruling it out entirely.

FWIW, I had a really cheap, low-key wedding because it was booked 3 weeks before it took place, but my favourite ones to attend have been the ones where I've been able to stay at luxurious hotels for a song because the bride was organised enough to negotiate discounts for block-booking. (unlike me!)

The comment re. grumpy golfers would be the only thing to put me off...

Solsgirth house? It's stunning, in fact most of that group are lovely

Has anyone suggested the Peebles Hydro?

Location is right, function rooms with views, spa etc.

The Parsonage at Dunmore is beautiful. We were at a wedding there last summer and stayed overnight. It doesn't have many rooms (10 or 12 if I remember) but there's lots of lovely hotels locally if people want to go for cheaper or more expensive options. It's 25 mins from Glasgow and around 20 mins from Edinburgh. The Parsonage

Is it a licensing issue? Do they only have an alcohol licence for residents?

if that is their rule and you cannot afford to cover the rooms for all your guests then you cannot afford the wedding

This is my view generally - cut your cloth. It will be a special day with all your friends and family.

If you want nothing but that venue...then it's a pay off that some people might not come. Op I couldn't afford to come to that wedding. But it sounds as if your close friends and family can.

I would say you have two options: go for something you can wholly afford or go for Gleneagles and accept people may not attend who you would like there. If it's a small number of invitees - talk to them. Could you as pp have suggested pay in full for some and let your family who would love it and use the facilities pay in full to have that special week end?

Is it a licensing issue? Do they only have an alcohol licence for residents?

No, their restaurant is open to the public. And why would they have that problem when no other hotel seems to...

Going, OMD!!. Did you say anything?

Not a fan of aurora group, certainly not worth or glenbervie although admittedly not tried the others. Parsonage is gorgeous but it doesn't have the nicest history locally so wouldn't choose it for that reason. Peebles just not special enough.

Just about to go through some of the suggestions with DP- thank you for being patient and keeping ideas coming.

Worth=airth

I don't think the 'problem' will just be that some guests will RSVP decline, but that they'll accept and then arrange to stay elsewhere/drive home afterwards, leaving the OP with the akward situation of having to pay for their rooms.

OP, you're really being a dick about this. Imposing a million ridiculous standards on acceptable venues just so you can rule them out. Bottom line, you can't afford this venue, so you're foisting an extra substantial cost onto your guests. That's a dick move. This might be your special day, but it isn't theirs. You seem to be forgetting that. But anyway, you don't actually give a shit, that much is obvious from this thread. Just forget about trying to be nice about it because you can't.

I'm hoping that most would have 2016 view of its a good excuse to stay somewhere lovely that's usually much more expensive. Doesn't seem that way though 😔

I'm hoping that in 2016 Bridezillas would see that charging an entrance fee just so they can have their dream wedding is not what you do to friends and family!

Looking at Carberry Tower, it does look very special, so if that's available, I think that's definitely a possibility (). Even if they don't do some things, eg child care, then you might be able to organise people to come in to do it.

MammaTJ- I was referring to a poster who's name began 2016

What about Archerfield or the Marine Hotel at North Berwick - both have spas and golf! Not sure about the babysitting but if only 6 kids you could make private arrangements?

I went to a wedding at the Royal Crescent Hotel in Bath which was like this but the bride and groom invited everyone (most from London) and all our rooms were paid for by them (a very wealthy couple who these kind of hotels are aimed at). I honestly believe in the etiquette that if you invite someone to something you can't then hand them the bill. No matter which way you wriggle with this and how "happy" your guests would be with this it's not right. As PP have said this venue obviously caters for the wealthy or those who aspire to be that. The only way you can afford the is if you pay for all the rooms. You can then offer guests the option of staying there and they can then effectively "buy the rooms back" but it shouldn't be: "If you want to come you have to stay here and that's £150." Honestly it really is excruciating how can you not see that?

At £50 or even £75 pp I was going to say I'd be happy. I only ever stay in youth hostels regardless of the occasion, country or length of stay so I am tighter than tight with accommodation. I just see it as a place to sleep. But for Gleneagles I would pay £50-£75 and consider it a really exciting treat. If it was a wedding where I had loads of friends going it would make a really special weekend perfect.

But £150 would be pushing it way too far for me. I could get a bed in a youth hostel for £25ish or less.

Unless you have different plans for your single guests? Do they all have to pay for the couple rooms?

I don't agree with this, but I think the best way to do it would be to pay for all of the rooms and then put in the invitation that the rooms are all booked and you are welcome to stay there (or not) and just pay what you wish to.

Preferably with the hotel taking the payments off your bill and the whole thing then being anonymous, if the hotel can do this then I would make a point that it will be anonymous so that nobody feels they have to pay more than they can afford. Other way would be to a family member in plain envelopes or something

If I was told that then the first thing I would do is check how much it normally costs and aim as near as I could. I think this would probably work out around the half way mark you are prepared to pay, with some paying nearly full price and some paying considerably less, BUT everyone has made the choice on how much to pay, with no pressure, so would be happy with what they paid rather than annoyed that someone got it cheaper

Glad you're looking at other venues.

I'm afraid you will lose friends over this. I would just hate to be told 'you must stay here and pay X or we won't/can't have you'. To be fair I would hardly be able to afford to travel there and would be wild camping...

If you must have it there, cut absolutely everything else to the bone so that you can pay for the rooms - use outfits you have already, see if your parents will buy you rings as presents, no hen or stag do, handwrite invitations on card you have nicked from work, negotiate with Gleneagles so that you can stay on an extra free night as your honeymoon. Have what you want - but you must pay for it.

smurfy first thing I'd do is goggle the price, see it cost £300+ per night and decline to stay. I'd never offer the B&G £150 - that would seem way too cheeky, so I'd stay somewhere else (perhaps costing £150 anyway) and the B&G would have to pick up the full bill for an empty room.

OP - agree with you about Aurora hotels, and Solsgirth is one of my least favourite.

If its put across as a "we have already paid for these rooms so would rather you got some use out of them instead of them staying empty" sort of way and the whole thing was laid back and anonymous then I would probably stay. I couldn't afford anywhere near £300 but I would pay what I could afford, probably the cost of another hotel and how much I would have spent on a gift, thinking that it's £150 (or whatever) more than they will have got back if it goes empty

If there were fewer rooms than guests, like small exclusive use hotel, I would decline hoping that they got more than I could pay, but if it was me or an empty room then I might as well take it and help the b&g a bit

gin if you look back the history of every venue there will be something not particularly nice in most of them. Old buildings carry history, good and bad.