It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

Nap- would be £150 per room after what our budget can cover

So it's 300 per room?!?! That's seriously ridiculous.

Seriously.

I'd not be able to attend at that price for two (and we have two small dcs and may need two rooms or rollaway which no doubt they charge for).

You could just say in your invite,something along the lines of 'It's the hotels rules that all guests attending the wedding need to stay over. We are happy to contribute 50% of the cost of each room. However, if you have any queries please don't hesitate to contact me. We would also like to stipulate no wedding gifts, as having you there to celebrate with us is all we would like.

I'd be happy to pay and would probably tell you not to worry about paying the 50% of our room costs. So, I'm sure other friends and family that are close to you will say the same and that will free up money to help those who perhaps contact you and can't come because they can't afford even the 50% cost.

Although you're providing some drinks, think what the drinks will cost when those run out! I would imagine about a tenner for a gin and tonic.

For those who have to fly there too, it's a big ask.

It's actually more than 300 but we can cover it to make it 150. The family rooms can accommodate 2 kids which is the maximum on our guest list. The drinks are similarly priced to every other normal wedding venue I've been at eg best western/Hilton or similar

I saw that, but it also says, "Unfortunately we do not have sufficient capacity to accommodate non-residential wedding guests." which implies that so long as the rooms are booked (i.e. the capacity used) there shouldn't be an issue.

whatsthatcoming, that bit seems to be their crappy "excuse" for the rule - that they only have capacity to accommodate the number of guests they have staying in the hotel. Which is obviously rubbish.

According to Fraggle, who has been to a wedding there, they enforce the rule that guests have to stay there pretty rigidly.

So you have about 70 people. You'd cover 150+ per room. Let's round the number of rooms required to 28 rooms. If you're subsidising £175 quid or thereabouts you're adding 5 GRAND onto your budget!

Madness! Think of the honeymoon you could have for that!

I've had an idea for how you can make this work.

This bit has been said by PP: you simply cannot have an obligatory cost to guests as a condition of attendance. That is not invitations, that is selling tickets. It is unbelievably crass to think of it. Gleneagles don't actually want you to have your wedding there if you can't afford to pay for a room for every guest.

So here is my scheme: send out your invitations as if this rule were not in place. Include in the normal info that is distributed with invitations "we have arranged a special deal on rooms for our guests at the venue at £200* per room if you would like to stay at Gleneagles - includes use of spa and golf facilities before and after the wedding. Please let us know with your RSVP whether or not you want one of these rooms"

• this price should just be a modest subsidy of the full price - I wrote £200 assuming normal price is £250.

This is very clearly worded to be no obligation to stay there and is therefore not offensive.

Here's the clever bit: for every guest who tells you they don't want to book a room at Gleneagles you book a room in their names at your own expense and you tell no one. No martyrish moans about the expense, or secret confiding.

You were thinking of subsidising rooms till they were £150 each anyway. This scheme probably won't cost any more than doing that assuming more than half your guests choose to stay at the venue. Every guest then has their name on the residential guest list so gets let in by security (which will be just as raffles says) but no one has been obliged to pay and no one gets offended.

Given you really want this venue, is it worth sending a carefully worded email to each guest, separately, explaining the situ and that you know they would be paying for accommodation anyway etc? Adjust the price for the ones you are willing to subsidise. No pressure etc.

See what they say!

Purple- so that's around 35 emails ( assuming the 70 guests are couples or families) where the bride guesses what their income is, offers to pay some of it for them, and hopes they don't discuss the room rate with the more well off guests who say they paid full price?

I agree Carberry Tower is lovely.
Also...
Rowallan Castle in Ayrshire
Wedderburn House and Barns
Broxmouth Park
Kinross House
Myres Castle
all nice, but not as grand or as easy for you to organise as Gleneagles.
Also not as many rooms but just refurbished and opened this year - Carlowrie Castle - not many rooms but lots of accommodation nearby.

I agree with pp about many people having to stay for 2 nights (and you'd need to make clear that you are only subsidising one night!). If guests are staying somewhere else the night before the wedding they would have to get dressed for your wedding about 10.30, assuming they have to be out of their room by 11am (which is standard), and they'd probably not be able to check in to the Gleneagles accommodation before your wedding starts. Also if everyone has to check out the morning after your wedding by 11am, then they're possibly not going to make use of the spa or golf facilities then either.

Fish you seriously think it would be okay to ask the guests who can't afford to book rooms to lie to security about the fact that they haven't?
Cos that would certainly add to the relaxed, family and friend orientated vibe of the day

I am looking at others - Cameron house was suggested and with Glasgow uni chapel thank would be an option, I was feeling quite positive... They have a minimum of 100 guests!

Rafflesway : there is a very pleasant and no doubt highly efficient doorman who stands by the revolving door which is the entrance to the main hotel and who greets everyone going into the hotel building.

There is also a concierge desk in the entrance lobby as well as the large reception desk.

There is no doubt a plentitude of CCTV which would cover the many other entrances.

There was a big stooshie when the G8 Conference, when the "right to roam" that people were used to was curtailed. Ditto during the Ryder Cup - locals were given tickets as well as car parking passes so that they could get to their homes.

Lemon- there is no security, the just require room bookings equal to the number of guests. Would just be a shame to have empty bedrooms that people would probably use if free...

What a bizarre rule!

what about here - golf, spa, looks nice!

OP, Carberry has only been a wedding venue for about 5 years (use to be owned by the church) so not so many of your guests will have been there before - which might be a positive!

Old course was suggested earlier- menus etc look great but ceremony room options look super dull 🙈

OP I'm sorry because you've clearly got your heart set on this venue, but unless you can afford to pay for any unlet rooms then it just seems a bit of a disaster waiting to happen and indeed there was a thread a few weeks ago where a B2B was in the situation of having to pay for a certain number of rooms regardless of whether they got used or not.

I wouldn't recommend doing the "clever" thing fish suggests and pay for some peoples rooms and let others pay the full whack. Think they'll keep quiet about it not a chance.
Also we're in the financial circumstances where we could afford say the £200 per night for the room, but wouldn't want to spend that on a hotel room. However I'd feel weird if the B2B offered to pay for it and in fact I would be a bit offended, I'd then feel obliged to stay at the venue and pay for it myself or I'd just back out of going because it was getting too complicated.

Some of your requirements need to be looked at I'm afraid and venue reconsidered.We went to Dryburgh Abbey Hotel and had lovely service outside at the Dryburgh Abbey - little bit more than an hour outside of Edinburgh ,but very scenic.

having looked at the website I think the issue is that they cant cater (food) for more people than they can fit in the rooms
so if they you don’t book the rooms and someone else does they will be running at twice the capacity of the kitchens

this means that a sit down meal all at one time for 70 is probably at the edge of their capacity and that there would be a subtle "wave" of serving going on to achieve service
or that menus will involve lots of uncooked or cold ingredients....
I would be a little thoughtful about this!
also the hordes of quite focussed golfers who might resent getting out of your photos...it isnt really a hotel / event venue first..

I am glad you are looking at other venues op, you really cannot ask that of your guests, especially some cannot afford it.

Put the wedding back a year and save some more.

think is if we book Cameron house, I reckon 90% will book rooms there or nearby anyway

Ceremony room dull? You're getting married not choosing a film location.

Nap, I think the trouble is any wording makes it sound as it is, so to speak.