Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my friends daughter?

397 replies

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:24

Am thinking yes.

She's 3. (I know, there are going to be a tonne of outraged SHE'S 3 posts. But stay with me.)

She demands to be carried everywhere. Won't go in the pushchair (she's a bit on the big side for it anyway) and friend has a younger DD as well who is 9 months and is generally carried in a sling or pushchair. So either friend has to struggle and stagger with the weight of two children or carry one on her hip with the other in the pushchair,

She wants what she wants immediately. Now. She will scream she wants a tissue. Friend gives her a tissue. She will continue screaming and screaming that she wants a tissue. These screaming fits are pretty much constant.

The younger child is pretty much ignored since friend is constantly dealing with older one, and you can't talk to friend at all due to behaviour of child 1.

So here are my questions - AIBU to think friend should possibly be encouraging child NOT to behave like this, and avoid friend because of it? The screaming is hard on the ears.

And when do they behave like humans? This child will be starting school in 16 months and surely won't be behaving like this then?

OP posts:
lottielou7 · 22/04/2016 11:33

I find it interesting how the middle child is often the 'good' one. I have three girls and the middle one is the 'perfect' one. She's 12 now and has never argued with me about anything and I never have to tell her off. Her teachers described her as having 'a beautiful nature, she gets on with everyone'

SoupDragon · 22/04/2016 11:47

LOL - my middle child is by far the worst :) and by that I mean there is absolutely no competition! My PFB is the best with the neglected last born falling somewhere in the middle of the two.

VerbenaGirl · 22/04/2016 12:12

Could you maybe see your friend in the evening child-free? Or at least with the children upstairs, if getting out is difficult...

FluffyBunny1234 · 22/04/2016 12:26

I haven't rtft but I imagine you're getting a hard time.
I actually feel this way about my niece (which is even worseBlush) who's 4. She whines constantly and never seems happy. She doesn't join in with all the other cousins or deliberately disrupts their game by taking something away.
I also find it very difficult how she treats my sister, screaming I hate you at her for instance for taking something dangerous away from her. It's hard to watch & v stressful to be around. No chance of a nice chat with her parents, she plants herself in their face if they try to talk. And yes I do have my own kids.
I think you'll just have to wait for her to grow up.

ClaretAndBlue30 · 22/04/2016 12:35

Sorry, I haven't read much of this thread but I wanted to say my piece.

I totally get that kids are annoying, boy are they annoying.....

BUT in my experience (I have a very full on 18 month old) I'm sure your friend feels worse about the situation than you...you only have to be around it when you see her - she deals with it numerous times a day. That is exhausting in a way you cannot imagine until you've dealt with it.

Being judged is the worst feeling ever as a parent. Have a little heart.

TheEmmaDilemma · 22/04/2016 12:37

You're on Loose Women right now.

TheEmmaDilemma · 22/04/2016 12:37

Apparently it's not just the DM and Matt Wright...!

Muddlewitch · 22/04/2016 12:37

I just noticed that too Emma

BlueSnow18 · 22/04/2016 12:38

I can completely understand where OP is coming from. As hard as it may seem, it's not the child fault. They don't know any different. They've gotten away with it for so long they think it's normal. Do they go to play school? Do they behave like that there? I bet they don't! So just have a word with mum and explain she's got to put her foot down before no.2 starts picking up on it and she has 2 acting like that!
Also I think your "hatred" for the toddler is because you can't talk to your friend. It's so hard to catch up with someone when you can't get a word in over a scream child! And it's that loss of friendship that you resent the child for!
Stick it out for the sake of the friendship!

Nicnak2223 · 22/04/2016 12:38

emma I just came on to say the same thing

starry0ne · 22/04/2016 12:38

OOOh I came looking for this thread for the same reason

TheEmmaDilemma · 22/04/2016 12:39

"There's a thread on Mumsnet..." 'Would you admit to disliking a friend's child'...!

TheEmmaDilemma · 22/04/2016 12:40
Grin
TheEmmaDilemma · 22/04/2016 12:41

Shit I just admitted to watching Loose Women.

mammamic · 22/04/2016 12:41

Haven't rtft so may have got wrong impression but I'm surprised by how many comments are saying this is almost to be expected behaviour for a 3 year old. I disagree.

Unless there are underlying issues, this is sadly down to the parents. If a child is 'taught' that screaming and misbehaving is the best way to get the attention they want, then of course, this is what they do. The good thing is that once they get to nursery/school age, it usually passes as they soon realise, this doesn't work here.

As for OP, YANBU to not like this behaviour. YABU posting about it. If you don't like it, why not simply choose not to see your friend or arrange to meet without the children

LaContessaDiPlump · 22/04/2016 12:41

Ah, those good old Matthew Wright researchers. They work so hard.

WellErrr · 22/04/2016 12:43

Again!?? I'm getting so fucking fed up of this.

FUCK OFF LAZY JOURNALISTS.

YES, YOU.

If we wanted to be quoted on fucking Loose Women we'd fucking well text in.

So FUCK. OFF.

You lazy shits.

FuckAbout · 22/04/2016 12:44

I don't think you are being unreasonable, OP.

My brother in law has recently coupled up with a young mum - 22 years old, 3 children, currently pregnant with BIL (4 kids under 4 by September... wow).

Myself and OH were invited for a meal at FIL house where we met the young mums youngest (at the moment) child. By god. That child left me wanting to scream MYSELF. He screamed constantly, didn't listen to authority, was vicious towards my son and was ever so selfish. I sat there hoping to god that my son didn't pick up any of this childs behaviour. The moment they left FIL's house, there was a peaceful silence and a huge sigh of relief from all of us left at the meal!

honkinghaddock · 22/04/2016 12:49

With 3 under 4 the youngest of those must be very young. You sound very judgemental.

Marylou2 · 22/04/2016 12:50

You'll get lots of abuse on this one OP! Not from me though. I actively dislike many small children. The key is to never let their parents know. One of our closest friends has an absolutely ghastly child but she thinks I adore her. It really does all depend on how much you value your friendship.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/04/2016 12:54

It's hard to be around some young children but I think yabu. Your friend is struggling. You're not a parent so she won't ask you for advice. If she feels judged that's even worse.

When my dc were 1 and 3, dd1 was attention seeking and people may have felt dd2 was ignored. We weren't unaware of this and did our best. You only see a snapshot of her life. Things have evened out now. It was a nightmare taking them both out and meeting friends but u tell you something, I would never meet a childless friend with my 2 dc unless unavoidable. There's no point - you need to supervise them a lot at that age and can't have a decent conversation with friend.

chipstick2810 · 22/04/2016 12:56

YANBU to dislike being around the child

YABU to dislike the child as you are an adult

YABU to think that your friend should discourage the child from behaving like this. You are seriously on another planet if you don't think she already does this and enjoys living like this.

Having a child who can be like this no matter what you do is seriously upsetting. She is probably giving in to her and tending to her immediately in front of you as she knows you are judging and wants to nip outbursts in the bud before they get worse.

Maybe just be kind and supportive? I'm sure she is well aware that her child is a handful as she has to deal with it day in and day out without you giving her your thoughts on the situation.

Yes one of my children has been a handful in the past. One of them isn't. Didn't do anything differently, was aware of it, tried everything. Yes I have friends whose children annoy me and no I wouldn't say anything as it is unkind and not what a friend should do.

Happy101415 · 22/04/2016 12:56

I hope when you have your own kids they are as perfect as you think kids should be ...she is 3 ..that is her mother! Are you more annoyed about how the child is acting or the mothers lack of been able to give you the attention you clearly are craving???
Seriously! Cop on if you have no time for your "friends" child please do her a favoir and stay away

Mammylamb · 22/04/2016 13:00

Am I correct in assuming that you don't have any young children??this sounds like typical 3 year old behaviour. Giving unsolicited advice would probably be the end of your friendship

wooflesgoestotown · 22/04/2016 13:01

Other people's children can be really annoying, particularly if you don't have children yourself.

Definitely don't make decisions on whether to have children yourself based on your reaction to this child. Having your own children is totally different.

As a parent of 4dc I actually think I'd find this annoying too, but I'd be annoyed by the parenting rather than the child.

It sounds like the mum is feeling guilty about her attention being taken from the first child to the second. I agree with you, she needs to get over it, for the sake of the second child. They need to feel important and not just as an adjunct to how the oldest child feels...

3 year olds are incredibly unreasonable and demanding but she does have a responsibility to make her second born as important as the first born.

I think I'd be tempted to avoid for a while until the mum sorts herself out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread