Genuine mistake by form tutor or does she really believe this?

[MyballsareSandy2015]

DD(15) has anxiety issues relating to sickness and other illnesses resulting in her being off school quite a lot. Her attendance is approx 89%, but things are slowly improving. I do my very best to get her into school but at the moment I feel her mental health is more important than school.

I've always kept school informed by phone, but recently received a letter saying that her attendance is unacceptable and they need to get the Educational welfare officer involved. They also mentioned that any further absences would be recorded as an 'unauthorised absence' even if I rang in, which I obv always do.

So I thought it was time to create a record of my explanations to school, in case they are needed in the future with the EWO. I wrote to DDs form tutor, copying in HoY explaining in detail DDs anxiety issues, emetophobia etc and assuring then I was doing my utmost to get her into school as often as possible.

Opened up a reply email from form tutor, it was rather brief:

"Mum making excuses"

Followed a few minutes later by another email apologising profusely, saying she had several emails open at once and that reply was meant to go to another teacher regarding a mother whose child hadn't been attending revision sessions.

Thoughts please. I haven't replied yet.

As an ex-teacher, I would expect to include the head in anything to do with attendance. I would ask for an appointment with the head, teacher, nurse and SEN teacher to discuss what the way forward is for your daughter. Ask the Doctor's receptionist to give you a list of appointments your daughter has had with the surgery so you can prove you have been. Is there a pattern to your Daughter's anxiety? It could be helpful to look to see if there are certain days which worry her. We had this with our son (he started truanting) and our GP arranged for him to see an Ed Psych to help us. He was amazing. Now our son has grown up we realise that he actually had a condition called Ehlers-danlos (Hypermobility) Type. This caused the anxiety, nausea, vomiting, tiredness and a raft of other problems. It was only when he left home and used to come in for a lift for his Dad in the morning that I realised just how often he was actually sick and started investigating. If you do have problems with the school, there are organisations who can advocate for you and it might be worth getting them involved.

Everything Saramel said (and we have been in exactly the same situation where a range of physical and MH symptoms turned out to be Ehlers Danlos-related).

The school will need constant paperwork, updating on every medical appointment.

You may need to explain to them how difficult it is to get a CAHMS appointment. Maybe the school nurse could support your referral (ours did).

No advice but sympathies. My DD has been marked down as unauthorised absence when I followed the illness reporting procedure when she was too anxious to go to school. I could see the panic in her eyes and couldn't make her go. It makes me cross that mental health is not seen the same as physical health. I'm lucky that DD gets subsidised counselling through a youth centre, but I still have to pay. Not sure what we'd do if I couldn't pay as support through NHS / school is just not there.

I have to say I LOVE Well Errrs suggestion

Two things: 1. I'm appalled by this but I think you can use this to your advantage. If they now want you to believe that it wasn't meant for you, it means that they have to take you seriously - which include not reporting you to the Ed Dept. You could message back along the lines of, "I'm relieved to hear that this wasn't about me and therefore you'll agree that my daughter needs support and not condemnation. I'd like confirmation of the specific help that you think my DD could benefit from and also confirmation that you won't be reporting me to the Ed Dept". This way you turn it back on them.

My second point is that you can probably prove that the email was about you - at least in the eyes of the headteacher, as they will be able to discuss all pupils together and therefore the teacher in question will have to demonstrate exactly WHICH child she was referring to. It's highly unlikely that another child is in a situation to which that reply would be appropriate at exactly the same day and time. So even if YOU can't be given that info, the headteacher themself will certainly be aware of the breach.

I hope your daughter can now find some help and you can both use this to your advantage

If an EWO is getting involved they will ask you to get medical verification from your gp to say your child is sometimes too ill to attend school. Schools need this for children whose attendance is low, and they are deemed to be persistently absent (below 90%). If they don't get it they can continue to unauthorise the absence and you may end up with a fine. Depends on the Headteacher. Hard to say if what teacher said is about you, could be but you'll never know. She'll be bricking it now though.

Any updates OP?

Reply to the first email, but do not acknowledge its contents. Basically it sends a shot across the bows that you've seen it and understood EXACTLY what the teacher thinks.

Write that you forgot to mention in your first email that you are very keen to work with the school to understand what support mechanisms they will put in place for your daughter's condition/issues. (Sorry I don't want those words to sound mean I just can't think of a nicer way to put it).

To be honest, regardless of the rudeness of the teachers response to you they need to be supportive. Find out what your rights are. She is being treated unfairly. (Your dd not the teacher)