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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this is the teacher's fault

171 replies

TrixieBlue2016 · 20/04/2016 10:55

On Monday DSS brought home a letter asking permission for him to have his hair chalked as they are doing a project. DSS has shoulder length light blonde hair. We were asked to provide chalk that can be washed out.

So yesterday I sent him in with a stick of green hair chalk. I picked DSS up from after school and the bottom 4 inches of his hair was green. I took him home and got him to go wash his hair. The green didn't come out.

I asked DSS had he done it himself or did the teacher colour his hair. He said the teacher spray painted his hair. I checked his bag and the stick of chalk was unused.

Long story short the green still hasn't completely come out. I sent a note explaining that his hair was washed half a dozen times but it's still green and also the chalk provided wasn't used.

I have just had a call from the HM about DSS hair, it is unacceptable apparently. HM agrees the teacher did it and used a colour spray not the chalk provided however DSS is still at fault and has broken the rules. HM says DSS agreed to have the teacher use the spray. DSS will lose golden time on Friday and will be on report until it washes out. This means no afternoon playtime.

I have asked to speak to the teacher when I collect DSS from school today. HM is going to speak to his teacher.

It is clear to me that the teacher is at fault not DSS. Aibu? DSS is 10.

OP posts:
EarthboundMisfit · 20/04/2016 14:47

Its outrageous. If you fancy a bit of extra cash, the papers would love it.

t4gnut · 20/04/2016 14:48

I'd be most concerned about the use of a spray that hasn't taken into account any possible health risks!

Does the school publish a complaints procedure (if in England it would be required to - not sure about Scotland).

00100001 · 20/04/2016 14:50

Why take it further, you've got what you want, surely?

00100001 · 20/04/2016 14:51

Don't become "that" parent and go to the papers and have a Sad Face Article.

What would that achieve? Confused

Yambrel · 20/04/2016 14:55

But even when he was lying he admitted that the school had chosen to use a spray that might not wash out. Were they genuinely expecting all children to cut their hair after the event if the dye was noticeable? Nothing useful to add but would struggle to respect any headteacher or manager that didn't have the courage to admit to an error and deal with the consequences fairly.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 20/04/2016 14:57

Is this a private school or local authority? Sorry if I've missed that information.

LarkDescending · 20/04/2016 14:59

I think you need to record the meeting in writing, and put the onus on the school to allay your concerns, e.g:

Dear HM
I write to record the contents of our meeting today following your notification to me this morning that X would lose playtime and golden time privileges, and be placed on report, as a result of his hair having been permanently stained green by his teacher without [my/our] permission.

As a result of our discussion you accepted that, contrary to your position at the start of the meeting:

• X had brought washable chalk to school yesterday as requested, and accordingly there was no need for permanent spray to be applied.

• Children other than X also had their hair sprayed, as in fact the teacher had previously admitted to me.

• The permission slip provided to parents did not seek permission for the use of the spray and did not contain any warning that non-washable colour might be applied.

You informed me that X’s loss of privileges would be revoked. Whilst this is clearly the right decision, [I/we] remain concerned both as to the safeguarding implications of the school’s failing to observe permission protocols and as to the wider implications of the school’s disciplinary policy in which a child can apparently be punished for a mistake made by the school. I should be grateful to hear from you urgently as to how those concerns are to be allayed, failing which I reserve the right to take the matter further.

Yours [etc]

PestilentialCat · 20/04/2016 15:01

HT sounds like a knob - I suspect it was on purpose to try to get his hair cut Shock

p.s. WTF is golden time Confused ?

merrymouse · 20/04/2016 15:14

Who is the head teacher's boss?

I wouldn't be making a further complaint to the head teacher as he doesn't seem to have the judgement/common sense required of somebody in that position. I think your problem is less the actual incident and more the qualities of the head teacher and his staff.

As mentioned before, what was the teacher doing applying permanent dye to children's hair if this is against school policy? What were they supposed to do afterwards? Shave their heads? Why on earth was he punishing your DSS given that this was clearly part of a lesson?

HanYOLO · 20/04/2016 15:17

HT is a knob

I agree put in writing your analysis of the meeting and cc as appropriate.

I was raging when I read your op. Glad your DS is not losing playtime.

whyayepetal · 20/04/2016 15:19

That's a great letter Lark - I would send that or similar OP. Hope your DSS is OK.

Pest - golden time is a time when primary age children get to choose a favourite/special activity, often a privilege for end of day or week earned by good work or behaviour (and removed for the opposite)

Original poster
TrixieBlue2016 · 20/04/2016 15:20

Golden time is a pissing about hour on a Friday afternoon. DSS usually plays cards with his friends.

It has annoyed me that instead of being sensible the HM jump straight in with DSS is in trouble, DSS will be punished. If HM said I noticed DSS's hair what happened there? Oh it was the teacher OK fair enough. Not banging on about DSS being a trouble maker. I hate the idea the child is automatically in the wrong. Not that DSS is an angel by any means.

lark I think I will send an email similar too what you suggested.

I'm going to try the tomato sauce on the hair tonight after taekwando.

OP posts:
VioletTea · 20/04/2016 15:26

Well done OP. Terrible behaviour by the school. I would be fully inclined to take this further.
The headmaster accuses someone's child of misbehaving, threatens punishment, then basically lies to your face in the meeting until being confronted with the evidence then backs down?!
Did he even apologise?

Lanark2 · 20/04/2016 15:26

Oh god I would love someone to do a green spray hit on the head and then a stiffly worded letter to the governor s about hislack of professionalism. What a tool.

EddieStobbart · 20/04/2016 15:31

Trixie, I've just seen that this is in Scotland. I'm not aware there is an enforceable uniform at state schools here (DH is on our school's parent council and often refers to this). There is a uniform at my DCs school but I have seen kids turn up in maroon cords, etc (very much not part of the uniform) - not is said nor can it be said. If it's a Scottish state school, I don't see how a punishment for coloured hair is in any way enforceable.

AugustaFinkNottle · 20/04/2016 15:38

Does anyone else feel sorry for the teacher? I can see that this might have just seemed like a fun project that went totally wrong.

It rather depends what the teacher told the head. If she completely put her hands up and told the head it was entirely her fault and it was inappropriate to punish OP's DSS then fine, I feel sorry for her. Otherwise, no. I must say, I'd like to know how the head got the facts so wrong - i.e. whether it's because he was fed the wrong facts by the teacher, or he made it all up. I'm rather suspecting the latter, because the teacher would know that you had evidence that would disprove the head's version.

It's completely irrelevant that your DSS agreed to having the spray. Only you could agree to that, and you didn't. And if you had agreed to the use of a spray brought in by the teacher and had been warned that it might not wash out, it would still be utterly absurd of the head to punish DSS.

I'd suggest that when you write to them you point out that you have already spent lot of time and money trying to get the green out and that, if that doesn't work, you will have to take him to a professional, and say that you expect the school to refund you all the costs involved.

Original poster
TrixieBlue2016 · 20/04/2016 15:39

I think the HM is a twat. DSS's teacher is fairly new and has always seemed fun and engaging for DSS.

DSS has said he was upset to he singled out to get in trouble but is happy I sorted it out.

I would never cut DSS's hair he loves it.

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 20/04/2016 15:39

OP, I've seen something suggesting schools in Scotland are accountable to councils rather than governors. If that's correct, that's who you need to complain to. I'm pretty sure they have to have a complaints policy, so get hold of a copy of that anyway.

diddl · 20/04/2016 15:42

Depending on how many kids there are & how much colouring was wanted/needed, I would have thought it might have been obvious that spray was the way to go.

Not that that excuses it, of course, it shows it up as not being well thought out.

Ameliablue · 20/04/2016 15:44

I don't think this would be in the remit for parents council. I don't think they have the same responsibilities as Governors in England. I would be more inclined to go to the LEA.

MrsOs · 20/04/2016 15:50

I'd be livid. Your ds wasn't to know you supplied something which wasn't used. The teacher is at fault 100%. Complain all the way the HM is a twat

MrsOs · 20/04/2016 15:50

Wasn't to know it wouldn't wash out

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 20/04/2016 15:55

It depends. In Scotland state schools are answerable to their local authority. Private schools I'm not sure about which is why I asked upthread.

Like a previous poster stated school uniform is not enforceable so head teacher's attitude to the hair colour is odd certainly given your previous good relationship.

Ameliablue · 20/04/2016 16:11

With regards to enforcement I believe Scottish schools can discipline but this can't involve the child missing out on education.

Ericaequites · 20/04/2016 16:48

Try Vo5 Hairdressing in the tube if you can buy it in England. It strips the color, but is lanolin based and very gentle. It worked when my auburn dye turned out rather more aubergine.
The headmaster is being very unreasonable in this case.

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