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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this is the teacher's fault

171 replies

TrixieBlue2016 · 20/04/2016 10:55

On Monday DSS brought home a letter asking permission for him to have his hair chalked as they are doing a project. DSS has shoulder length light blonde hair. We were asked to provide chalk that can be washed out.

So yesterday I sent him in with a stick of green hair chalk. I picked DSS up from after school and the bottom 4 inches of his hair was green. I took him home and got him to go wash his hair. The green didn't come out.

I asked DSS had he done it himself or did the teacher colour his hair. He said the teacher spray painted his hair. I checked his bag and the stick of chalk was unused.

Long story short the green still hasn't completely come out. I sent a note explaining that his hair was washed half a dozen times but it's still green and also the chalk provided wasn't used.

I have just had a call from the HM about DSS hair, it is unacceptable apparently. HM agrees the teacher did it and used a colour spray not the chalk provided however DSS is still at fault and has broken the rules. HM says DSS agreed to have the teacher use the spray. DSS will lose golden time on Friday and will be on report until it washes out. This means no afternoon playtime.

I have asked to speak to the teacher when I collect DSS from school today. HM is going to speak to his teacher.

It is clear to me that the teacher is at fault not DSS. Aibu? DSS is 10.

OP posts:
WonderingAspie · 20/04/2016 13:26

W.t.f!

I'd go mad at the HT for backing up the stupidity of the teacher. Why bloody ask for hair chalk then not use it anyway, and why punish the child because the stuff the teacher used (that they shouldn't have) won't wash out. I'd be absolutely fuming over this.

Spandexpants007 · 20/04/2016 13:31

Daft teacher but forgivable actions. Stupid idiotic pedantic head teacher! If this is his management style, it falls short by a mile!

If the head refuses to let him have break, write to the head governor and put in a formal complaint. Ask for immediate action. You need an apology from the head and your sons break time established

examworries · 20/04/2016 13:39

Yes, take it higher if the Head cannot see sense. The Daily Fail would love this one.

GinIsIn · 20/04/2016 13:44

On a side note, if you wash his hair with fairy liquid, it should come out!

shockthemonkey · 20/04/2016 13:46

What utter twerps.

PLEASE don't stand for it. cf VenusRising's advice!

Ameliablue · 20/04/2016 13:46

If they needed a permission slip to use chalk that you had to provide, how on earth can they justify using a spray paint that you didn't?
Whether our child agreed to it or not is irrelevant as the teacher is in a position of authority.

Dancingqueen17 · 20/04/2016 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mmgirish · 20/04/2016 13:56

As a teacher, I opened this thread expecting yet another depressing moan about teachers but this is ridiculous! Has the teacher been in touch to apologise? If not, then that is extremely rude. The head teacher sounds like a nutter! Don't allow your son to be punished for this.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 20/04/2016 13:58

Is this for real? The teacher used a spray on DSS's hair, despite him supplying his own chalk, and they want to prevent DSS having any playtime until it washes out?

That makes no sense at all.

Every possible person you can contact about this. Back to HT, Board of Governors. Completely unacceptable on the side of the school.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/04/2016 14:00

Oh you are the awkward parent with the long haired son aren't you? (I am one myself). The head has obviously decided to get your boy toeing the line with a nice short back and sides.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 20/04/2016 14:01

Trixie can you email/ write to HM for clarification on what you consider to be a serious safeguarding issue: why your dons hair was sprayed without permission (as he's 10 his yes doesn't count); why he is being punished by senior staff for a teacher's error.
Try and mention safeguarding a few times and perhaps an I tention to pursue it warpath LA/OFSTED if matter is not resolved prior to punishment. They should also be suggesting ways they can help to rectify your son's hair.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 20/04/2016 14:02

*meant with, not warpath, but warpath will do too Smile

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 20/04/2016 14:04

I expected to open the thread and think 'yabu', but you really, really aren't.

Not often I'd suggest this, but on this occasion I'd insist on writing to the school, setting out what has happened, including what the HT has said, and ask for an explanation - why a) teacher decided to spray paint his hair, b) they felt it appropriate to ask a MINOR for permission when parental consent was not given c) they feel it appropriate to punish DS for the teachers mistakes d) an apology for for the staining of your child's hair was not forthcoming

The letter would also set out, very clearly that DS is not to be punished for the teacher's mistake

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/04/2016 14:07

I just wonder if the head doesn't like boys with long hair and is trying to use this as a reason to have his hair cut?

I wondered that too. it's a green streak. not like he has "cunt" shaved into the back.

it's just hair. Wtf is the big deal anyway.

don't you dare cut it either!!! how dare they.

ProjectGainsborough · 20/04/2016 14:15

Does anyone else feel sorry for the teacher? I can see that this might have just seemed like a fun project that went totally wrong.

However, your DSS is clearly not at fault. And the HM should be apologising to you, not the other way round!

CheshireChat · 20/04/2016 14:16

I think the teacher just made a mistake, they should apologise and that would be the end of it really. The HT is bonkers and incredibly petty.
About colour strippers- be careful as they can the damage the hair.
A gentler way of speeding up the process is something like Head& shoulders like a PP said and any sprays, hair treatments that contain alcohol, leave in hair conditioners and heat protector sprays often have some. Ps. I've got blue hair and I'm not a deviant :).

CheshireChat · 20/04/2016 14:17

Errant 'the' in there, sorry.

wornoutboots · 20/04/2016 14:24

I sprayed my son's blonde hair pink for breast cancer awareness day at his school. 8 weeks later he still had pink bits.

Fortunately, his head teacher saw the hair when it was first done and said "wow that's great!" and when I saw her on our way in to school with the stained pink hair and started to explain that we'd tried everything to get it out she said "don't worry about it. I'll send a note to the teachers that he's not to be punished for it"

btw, vosene, head & shoulders... nothing worked. it faded out eventually.

NewYearSameMe · 20/04/2016 14:26

I was going to suggest that if he's wearing it in a bun anyway can you put a cover on the bun like young sikh boys do, but tbh you shouldn't have to as it's entirely the school's fault that he has green hair in the first place. Have they generally been odd about him having long hair or is this the first hair issue that you've had?

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 20/04/2016 14:26

Depends how far you want to take this and what consequences you want to have to deal with (Daily Fail already mentioned), but SAFEGUARDING SAFEGUARDING SAFEGUARDING. LA will not like that word at all, if they (the HT) are prepared to go OTT with this, why not play along? At our local primary schools the teachers won't dare look through hair etc even if they suspect nits, even the OOO TA's avoid giving a reassuring hug jic anyone has a conniption about it etc so if you want to carry on this escalation, hasn't your son effectively been assaulted? If someone in the street stopped a ten year old and spray painted them, what would happen? After a calm down and a glass of the red stuff I probably wouldn't actually go ahead and report it myself, though I might let them (school, LA) think I might, but really this twat of an HT has to be challenged.

Ninjagogo · 20/04/2016 14:26

Another vote for : head wants the boy to have a hair cut. Stand firm and rage!

Original poster
TrixieBlue2016 · 20/04/2016 14:30

I've met with the HM. I let him explain himself first before really saying anything. Giving him enough rope.

So HM claimed DSS asked for the spray and hadn't brought in the chalk. lie 1. He then said DSS was the only child to get the spray. lie 2. The teacher had given each child a permission slip which detailed the spray and it's ingredients including a warning about it might not wash out lie 3

I politely pointed out he was talking shit. DSS gave the teacher the chalk but teacher didn't use it. He had admitted this in our phone call. I had emailed a note of our conversation to him ahead of our meeting confirming what was said. It's is true DSS agreed to the spray as all the boys were getting it. I showed him a copy of the signed permission slip which didn't include what he said it would.

I said about the spray causing issues for others with allergies etc. That it was daft of the teacher to use it without apparently checking.

Cue HM backtracking. DSS now still has his play and golden time. HM seemed to think the was the end of things but I'm still not happy. Why blame the child for the teacher's actions? I left the meeting staying I wasn't happy and reserve the right to take it further that the matter isn't closed. I intend to back this up with an email.

I am in Scotland so we don't have governors we do have a PTA. I'm not sure what to do next.

OP posts:
FlyingScotsman · 20/04/2016 14:36

I'm ShockShock at how the HT dare you tell you so many lies.

Did he really think you would believe them and back down?

RaeSkywalker · 20/04/2016 14:39

Shock I'm not sure what you can do now OP, but I would also be reluctant to let it go.

RidersOnTheStorm · 20/04/2016 14:40

I wonder if the teacher didn't tell the HT the whole story.