AIBU to not want to socialise with someone convicted of sexual offences related to children?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Am I losing my mind? because apparently I'm being unreasonable!.

A friends wedding is coming up. Invitation arrived ages ago and I accepted. I was really looking forward to it as would see lots of friends from Uni I haven't seen for years.

One of our old friendship group was several years ago convicted of making and distributing child abuse images. He got a suspended sentence. His GF was also part of our friendship group and she stuck by him. I cut contact with both of them.

A few years later he was caught again and jailed this time. GF found out she was pregnant just after he went inside. Again she stuck by him and they now have two children together and are still a couple but not living together since he was released.

They're both invited to the wedding which I only just found out. So I told friend who's getting married that I won't attend now because they're going.

So now I'm being pressured by the rest of the friendship group. Told that friend who's getting married is devastated, that her wedding won't be the same if I'm not there to watch her get married. Can't I just put my opinion aside for one day? That they don't want to see him either but wouldn't let the bride down. I was even called selfish!.

I CANNOT watch him laughing and joking at the reception or having a dance or whatever. I just can't watch him enjoy himself knowing what he's done and I am more angry with his partner really, although I know that's unfair but I just can't fathom her thought processes at all.

Would anyone on here be able to put it aside and go? I do feel guilty about letting my friend down and upsetting her and it seems like I'm the only one of our friendship group making this decision.

So just because he only had images that makes everything ok then?

omg SGB.. just because the necessity of law catagorises it, doesn't mean that one sort is less horrid that the other.

it is STILL an image of A CHILD being sexually abused.

the OP made it QUITE clear he was convicted of it TWICE, the second time ending in him being put in jail.

Will you STOP trying to justify them inviting a fucking voyeur of CHILD SEX ABUSE!

x post.

To clarify: you think OP should have just gotten on with things because, in your opinion, the images couldn't have been that bad. So - OK child abuse.

(Even though she said in the OP he was jailed. You're choosing not to address that.)

I think you need to fuck off to a site that is more akin to your warped views SGB

You're not suited here on a parenting site.

You need to be banned and then you need to get a shed load of help, SGB.

SGB, what are you talking about? If the bride had more detailed information, she would know that the man had been imprisoned. That doesn't happen for someone convicted of possessing images at the lower end of the scale. She would also know that a suspended sentence hadn't deterred this man from actively encouraging and financing the appalling people who produce these images.

And OP isn't talking about prosecuting the man for crimes he might commit. She is talking about not wanting to be in the same room as him.

@sleeponeday

MNHQ can fuck up royally. They did over Anyfucker (sorry, AF, not meaning to use you as exhibit A) not just in what the choice was, but in the amount of info relating to her that they shared in the aftermath. I felt, and feel, that that was wrong. But they can also be stellar on disability - when people post horrible, bigoted posts, they step in, and they delete, and they support. They genuinely do care about that side of things, from responses to reports I've made in the past. And I cannot believe that they care any less about abused children than they do disabled ones.

They've screwed up on this one, I agree. But I would imagine they are trying to apply the usual personal attack policies in a very abnormal and incredibly emotional thread. I agree some of their choices are wrong; I think they've messed up too. But I don't think malice or complacency about abuse is why. I think scrambling to deal with a very difficult situation is.

I imagine they offered to delete the thread as a way to defer to the OP, as they were distressed she was upset, and are scrambling to know how to manage this thread on the fly. They're making it up as they go along, and I would imagine they wanted to give the OP the choice between deleting the thread, and leaving altogether, because they also think she's in the right, and are loathe to have her feel she needs to leave MN over it, when she's coping with the fallout of integrity, and concern for abused children, in her actual life. I'd have been insulted in her position by the offer, too, and suspect it was arse-covering. But I honestly doubt that it was. They're a massive, hugely established site. They will sail on regardless. I think it was an attempt to support the OP.

OP, I hope you stay. Your thinking and integrity and guts in saying what your friends don't want to hear makes you a valuable poster. I'm sorry the thread has gone as it has, when you are already in such a horrible situation with this anyway.

This is exactly what has happened here.

I agree with Stratter, btw.. this clearly ISNT the place for SGB with her views...

So fix it Olivia and MNHQ and apologise HERE to the op it's the LEAST you can do!

OP, I hope you stay. Your thinking and integrity and guts in saying what your friends don't want to hear makes you a valuable poster. I'm sorry the thread has gone as it has, when you are already in such a horrible situation with this anyway.

^

This. Please stay, OP.

You should ban SGB.

Posters have been banned for a lot less.

Just read the entire thread. I know you've gone, OP, but I strongly applaud you stance on this. There are some awful people on this thread, and MN have fucked up awfully.
It's far too easy to cry 'personal abuse' on here at the moment, and get posts deleted. Far too easy. Any robust debate, and you run the risk.
There are worse crimes than telling someone to fuck off, MN. Defending paedophiles on a parenting website for one.
Get your priorities straight.

Ok, that's a fair explanation someone made for you guys MNHQ, understandable. However, I can't help but feel that, given the nature of the thread, deletions should have been based on HQ reading it. Deleting threads that insult people justifying child sex abuse images just shouldn't happen. Especially if they are deleted quicker than the initial, despicable comments that caused them.

Why was MY post deleted mnhq and youve allowed SGBS posts to stand for so long? Is it coz I said you were doing a shit job tonight in allowing that hurtful shit to stay????

This is just so depressing. I'm done.

OP,
Sincere apologies that we have mishandled this thread - as sleeponeday said, and I hope we implied in the sent for speed PM, we were trying to minimise YOUR upset and nothing else.

We're sorry if MN has made things worse for you rather than better and hope that you will reconsider your decision to leave.
Kindest wishes
MNHQ

Oh I have no doubt she did, Maryz and HQ were unfortunately far too trigger happy, which just aided her.

I hope they are seriously considering taking action against posters on here tonight.

You know when you see a poster and think "ooh I really don't like their view and I will always remember their name" but you don't because really doesn't matter, it's just an Internet forum? Well, SGB crossed the line and I hope her/his name will always be tainted with the revolting comments on this thread.

I don't think this thread should be deleted. It's shows certain posters for what they are.

Holy. Fuck!

To me this is such a black and white issue, I can't actually believe the direction in which this thread has ended up.
I hope to absolute fuck that anyone who does not fully support the OPs position would PM me with their real name so I can ensure I stay the fuck away from them if I know them in real life. Because I wouldn't want to associate with such scum.

It's burned in my mind ThatGirl...