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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be going off my husband over his pants?!?

167 replies

Tazzyduffy · 18/04/2016 21:02

We married last year. My husband is great in many ways, but his personal hygiene is putting me off any sort of physical relationship. Basically he seems incapable of properly cleaning his bum (apologies for anyone reading this), but his pants make me ill. A few months ago I tried to sensitively raise the issue and bought lots of toilet wipes for bathroom and there was a brief improvement, but it's started again and now he is hiding dirty pants eg in sports bag. This may sound silly but it actually is putting me totally off him. To me it's just pure laziness and total lack of cleanliness..... Am I being unreasonable!

OP posts:
cbigs · 18/04/2016 23:08

Why has this only come up now op? Did it not happen before you were married?

FlowersAndShit · 18/04/2016 23:11

I'm fucking dying. I love these threads.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/04/2016 23:23

What's his hygiene like in other ways. Does he shower or bathe each day, and is just a bit lackadaisical when wiping his a hole.
If he's unhygienic in other ways could he be suffering from depression.

bloodyteenagers · 18/04/2016 23:26

Remind me again why I want to find a man?
The piss anywhere other than the toilet when they've had a few too many to drink.
They cannot wipe their arses correctly and leave skid marks on their pants, bed and towels.
They wear their pants for a couple of days. Even more grim if these are the dirty bastards who piss anywhere and cannot wipe correctly.
They seem incapable of brushing their teeth..
Some only shower twice a week at most and want the poor woman to suck his cheesy knob.

Jesus wept. Their parents need their fucking heads banging together for doing such a shit job.. Although I have a suspicion that their parents are the pil from hell.

kvilebu · 18/04/2016 23:28

This is just disgusting.
He might have a medical problem. Is he soiling his pants somehow rather than them just getting dirty through poor hygiene?
He could be farting with follow through (you mentioned IBS). Maybe he can't help it and is mortally embarrassed about the whole situation.

However, it needs dealing with. There is no way you can be expected to put up with this. So no, YANBU.

cbigs · 18/04/2016 23:28

Just so ace . This whole thread . a disclaimer though dp manages a proper wipe all by himself

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 18/04/2016 23:29

Even if he does have piles its not an excuse. I have them (thanks kids!) and still manage to get clean.

littleshirleybeans · 18/04/2016 23:31

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Toilet paper does not clean off shit. Soap and water do. Or wipes. Or toilet paper with soap.
Obviously, you get rid of any "excess" first with toilet roll- till you can't see any. Then you CLEAN.
Simple.
I'll have a shower ASAP after as well.
Had two showers and a bath today though I only "went" once Grin
Wee sticks to your bits as well. And it smells. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves.
(And I didn't go back to the last thread about this only because I was hungover
tired the next day. But my ds is perfectly happy to be a manky wee tyke and I'm perfectly happy to let him BUT he likes to have a clean bot. Nowt wrong with that. His digestive system is such that he very very rarely needs to go at school. But he'll happily go anywhere at all if I'm with him to help sort him out usually when we're out and in the middle of our dinner somewhere Hmm he doesn't have retention issues, just cleanliness issues. Same as me Wink)

suzannecaravaggio · 18/04/2016 23:32

it's pretty insulting isn't it, as if you're not important enough for him to make himself clean and presentable
the getting angry when you bring it up also points to this...you are beneath him, he does as he pleases without consideration for you..if you challenge him you are reprimanded

MeMySonAndl · 18/04/2016 23:33

I think you need to read it the riot act, because this is killing your sexual life and once that desire dies, it never returns, and without it you can be friends, flatmates, whatever but not a couple.

It may be that he is underestimating the effect his lack of hygiene has on you, but if you don't talk to him clearly and leave clear that you are not putting up with that, how things can change?

lottielou7 · 18/04/2016 23:34

Ewwwww there is absolutely no excuse for this at all.

Unless he's 4.

MeMySonAndl · 18/04/2016 23:35

Apologies for the grammatical shambles, I'm half asleep (but I insist, he cannot expect you to put up with this)

ElderlyKoreanLady · 18/04/2016 23:38

He can't be that embarrassed. If he was embarrassed he'd either continue his previous efforts to wipe properly or wash his underpants himself.

ijustwannadance · 18/04/2016 23:44

Shirley 2 showers and a bath in one day? That is a bit ott. I take it you have actual issues over cleanliness/germs and have passed them on to your child too?

SaucyJack · 18/04/2016 23:46

But you're assuming he knows how to perform basic self-care EKL.

That's why I asked about his upbringing. If it was neglectful or basic bodily functions were considered shameful and dirty, then I don't think it's too much to assume that he may not know how to function like a normal adult.

Of course, he quite possibly is just a lazy scutter.

littleshirleybeans · 18/04/2016 23:50

I actually don't,
Ijustwannadance.
I just got incredibly hot and felt sweaty and horrible at work, so couldn't wait tonnages shower when I got in. So that made two.
My ds2 was having his bath and as I'd been for a wee several times since then, I didn't feel very fresh. I like to go to bed feeling clean and fresh.
I'm not ocd about dirt or germs at all. Perfectly happy to let my boys quite literally jump in the mud and I join them. I climb trees with them and will happily sit on the ground etc.

littleshirleybeans · 18/04/2016 23:51

To have a shower - that should have said

littleshirleybeans · 18/04/2016 23:55

I can't bear the thought of getting into my nice clean bed with the day's dirt and grime on me, never the accumulated residue of umpteen trips for a wee!
Dabbing at it with toilet paper doesn't clean it off. If you, not you in particular, you in general, got wee on your hands, you'd wash them, not just wipe it off with bog roll!
Heck, we wash our hands after going for a wee or a poo, what's so wrong with wanting to wash the same stuff off a different part of our body?
That's what I've never understood.

BettyBleue · 18/04/2016 23:57

I think the government should introduce mandatory arse wiping lessons for all men.

MrsLettuce · 18/04/2016 23:59

He has irritable bowel and a lot of wind...

Erm. Is that not the answer? Uncontrollable 'wet' farts?

littleshirleybeans · 19/04/2016 00:02

am clean and fresh and away to bed

cbigs · 19/04/2016 00:03

Mmmmmmm uncontrollable sharting . Good times .

ijustwannadance · 19/04/2016 00:06

Fair enough shirley. I clearly read too much into your post. 🚿🚿🛀Grin

Uncontrollable 'wet' farts. Envy

SeriousSteve · 19/04/2016 00:10

I have IBS-B, excessive wind and urgency (sorry tmi) and have zero issues keeping my ass clean. This is grim.

Topseyt · 19/04/2016 00:11

I get irritable bowel and the wind issue.

I maintain a clean arse.

Read him the riot act. This matters and is not OK.