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AIBU?

To be going off my husband over his pants?!?

167 replies

Tazzyduffy · 18/04/2016 21:02

We married last year. My husband is great in many ways, but his personal hygiene is putting me off any sort of physical relationship. Basically he seems incapable of properly cleaning his bum (apologies for anyone reading this), but his pants make me ill. A few months ago I tried to sensitively raise the issue and bought lots of toilet wipes for bathroom and there was a brief improvement, but it's started again and now he is hiding dirty pants eg in sports bag. This may sound silly but it actually is putting me totally off him. To me it's just pure laziness and total lack of cleanliness..... Am I being unreasonable!

OP posts:

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SaveSomeSpendSome · 18/04/2016 21:45

This reminds me of the poster nomorecrumbs whos husband wouldnt wipe his bum properly and used to leave poo crumbs in the bed as his cling ons used to un cling in bed!

I would be more concerned about him hiding the evidence. Why doesnt he just chuck the shitty pants and buy more? Why hide the unwashed pants?

Its quite hard to clean yourself properly with a hairy bum so i would suggest to him that he shaves his bum (it is much much cleaner) and it would only need minimal wiping if its hair free.

Has he always been like this since you met?

Pilgit · 18/04/2016 21:49

Just grim! No matter the reaction you have every right to keep raising it. Him getting cross and angry is a way of controlling your behaviour - it means he doesn't have to deal with it. Do it in a "concerned for his health" kind of way. Some people are really not taught how to do it properly. Just grim. Would put me off too.

ConkerTriumphant · 18/04/2016 21:52

My DH has a hairy arse and he has never found it difficult to wipe!

ConkerTriumphant · 18/04/2016 21:53

(Apart from when he was 3, of course )

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/04/2016 21:53

If you're a doctor, I'm surprised you can't discuss this with him.

Can you get a bidet installed?

NorksAreMessy · 18/04/2016 21:57

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 18/04/2016 21:58

Oh yuk! Just tell him!!

leelu66 · 18/04/2016 22:03

YANBU. It must put you off being intimate with him.

This is why half the world has bidets or hand held bidet showers.

SquidgeyMidgey · 18/04/2016 22:03

DH and I are having a good giggle at poo crumbs in the bed.

Medical reason not known, DH says it's fucking horrid that a grown man is hiding his skiddy pants.

cbigs · 18/04/2016 22:05

No more crumbs !
Just genius .
Op not trying to be flippant this is a really difficult one my exh used to never brush his teeth and I was in the same boat. It just turned me off and everything he ate is be thinking I'll be getting that when we kiss . Just euw . In the end I had to be very straight with him which was awkward as we did not communicate well at all. But being direct did totally change his behaviour in that area. Just be blunt . I'd lay it on thick . I can smell poo and I'm worried about you etc .

LeaLeander · 18/04/2016 22:09

The thing is, even if she demands that he change, and he does, she still is married to a man who would do this to himself and to her unless she makes a huge fuss about it.

To me, that knowledge - the knowledge that he would be like that but for my strenuous intervention - would still put me off him sexually and emotionally. I just could not reconcile my own self image downward into that of a woman willing to be married to a man who wouldn't clean himself except under orders.

If he had a disability it would be one thing, but just laziness or some emotional quirk or apathy - no way. He might have my sympathy but he would not have me as his wife.

Tazzyduffy · 18/04/2016 22:11

He knows that if I see the pants I'll bin them as wont be putting them in our washing machine. His pants are expensive ones, so I fear he hides them so I don't bin them. He probably plans to bring them somewhere to get washed but is too lazy to actually do that!

OP posts:

DoItTooJulia · 18/04/2016 22:13

Ah honey, you just need to tell him straight, do not be embarrassed-it's
just another bodily function. If he wiped his nose in his sleeve and left a snot trail, you'd tell him.

good luck!

ElderlyKoreanLady · 18/04/2016 22:13

Why is he hiding them rather than bloody cleaning them?! Dear Jesus, is he 5?

PortiaCastis · 18/04/2016 22:14

Yuk yuk don't have sex with this man

JohnCheese · 18/04/2016 22:14

OP, did you know him for long before you moved in together? How come it wasn't an issue before?

leelu66 · 18/04/2016 22:14

Eeek...he would need to hand wash them in cold water first.

So he's lazy too? Does he do anything around the house?

BennyTheBall · 18/04/2016 22:15

Oh my goodness. I would show him said skiddy pants and tell him it's a crisis he needs to address.

I actually can't imagine this; it's so disgusting.

OhForFrigSake · 18/04/2016 22:15

'I can smell poo and I'm worried about you!' is a rather charming wee ditty

Seriously, t'is grim. This resentment will fester. You need to say something.

PricklyHodgeheg · 18/04/2016 22:16

Is this a joke? You are going to have to be blunt about it. Tell him it's a turn off and make him sleep on the sofa until he can get his act together. There is no reason to be this unhygienic

BettyBleue · 18/04/2016 22:16

I totally sympathise with you. My ex was the same, his pants were always filthy but to make matters worse, he'd wear them 3 or 4 days in a row. It was a massive issue for me but usually whenever I raised it, he would refuse to discuss it. On one occasion he said that it was hard for him to wipe because of his hairs, so I bought some toilet wipes but nothing changed. Eventually he revealed that he would only allow himself to use a certain number of sheets of loo roll (it wasn't many at all) as he felt guilty about using too much, due to the effects on the planet! He suffered OCD about certain things, and wiping himself was one of them. In the end we split up, not just over this, but it definitely contributed. I have to say he was generally a controlling and selfish man. He could see how much his lack of hygiene upset me but refused to change his ways. I wouldn't put up with it from anyone else. If your DH refuses to change, maybe you need to consider if you want to stay married to him.

Catsize · 18/04/2016 22:17

Piles?

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BennyTheBall · 18/04/2016 22:18

It doesn't sound silly that it's putting you off him.

Who in the world would be attracted to someone that is effectively shitting his pants because of laziness and his (really beyond comprehensible) lack of hygiene?

Tazzyduffy · 18/04/2016 22:19

Not too bad with a lot of pressure from me around the house. We had this issue before we married but I thought speaking to him would solve it... It didn't. He has irritable bowel and a lot of wind... Still don't see a reason why this would be happening other than laziness and dirt!

OP posts:

makingmiracles · 18/04/2016 22:22

Your OP is unclear, was he like this at the start of the relationship or is it a recent thing? If you knew from the beginning why did you marry him?

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