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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stag doo in Amsterdam

325 replies

Pixienott0005 · 18/04/2016 11:41

Is it me or would most other women feel unsettled about a shed loads of blokes getting rat arsed near the red light district?

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 18/04/2016 12:13

Yabu
Amsterdam, for most people, is an attractive, friendly town with nice bars and the novelty of being allowed to smoke weed in public. There is a lot of culture to see, alternative culture and street art is great, Amsterdam nord is very cool. It's not all about the red light district.

wigglesrock · 18/04/2016 12:16

My husband went to Amsterdam with about 4 friends for his stag do 18 years ago - they sat outside in the sun a novelty in itself where we live, drank, smoked and did actually venture into the odd museum. I went to Dublin with a few friends - we didn't see the inside of a museum, in fact I don't think we really saw daylight for 48 hours. People can cheat, pick up prostitutes, drink themselves into oblivion, make dicks of themselves anywhere, happens quite regularly in the pub down the road from me.

FatPaul · 18/04/2016 12:16

Don't y'know that when men go to Amsterdam they lose control of their penises and they must cheat Hmm

He can cheat anywhere, you either trust him or you don't.

thedancingbear · 18/04/2016 12:23

I'm a man. I went to Amsterdam on a football tour some years ago. We played football, smoked dope, drank, and even went to a couple of museums.

The red light district is only one small part of the city and it's entirely possible to visit without even realising it exists.

Ladycrazycat · 18/04/2016 12:23

MY DH is going on a stag do to Amsterdam in a few months and I hadn't even considered the red light district being there! The friends he is going with are my friends too but as it is a stag, I'm not going. I know for sure that DH and one friend really dislike strip clubs (the conversation was brought up by friend before my DH stag do), let alone prostitutes and I imagine the groom and the other friends who are going won't be too keen either.

They will get drunk and stoned, definitely, neither of which bother me. They will quite possibly go to a few museums as well, although they've all been before so maybe not.

MozzchopsThirty · 18/04/2016 12:23

What a pile of tosh!!!
YABVVVU

Who are you to prevent someone from going somewhere?? If my OH said I couldnt go to a place with the girls he'd soon be told where to go
My boyfriend is currently in Vegas on a rugby tour to LA
Should I LTB due to him visiting somewhere with strip clubs???

Ps also love a bit of a lap dance myself Grin

MozzchopsThirty · 18/04/2016 12:25

I think this says more about your relationship than anything.

When I was with my no good twat exh i didnt like him going anywhere due to him constantly making me feel like shit and that he could cheat at any moment. However I never told him he couldnt

Boyfriend is so far removed from this and therefore i trust him to go anywhere

Delacroix · 18/04/2016 12:37

Meh, YANBU. If they wanted to look at museums or drink coffee or whatever else the other responses ave suggested, they could have gone anywhere. Once upon a time I believed stag dos were mere hijinks, but then I grew up and saw relatives, friends and colleagues suffer for what happened when the men came home. Sorry love, just swept up in the moment, I couldn't say no in front of the lads, everyone else was doing it, what was I supposed to do, stand outside? The secrecy, the things half a group knew while a wife or girlfriend was unaware. The first few times I thought it was a one off, then maybe a two off. Then it just seemed that no one could have a pleasant stag do anymore. It was never just a few drinks. I couldn't believe that even a strip-club was considered 'too tame' for some - they moved on to a brothel. "Just don't tell her, mate, what happens here stays here ha ha yolo lol."

Dickheads.

Sometimes I even think an affair would be better - that a man has formed an emotional connection to another is at least preferable than that he shrugged, whipped out his wallet and had a soulless under-a-minute fumble with a girl who didn't even like him.

Thankfully my DH turns down these offers, and has walked away from nights out where someone's suggested strip clubs or such.

I just think less of men who go along on these activities. The money lost, the way they look at and talk about and objectify the women. Yeah, alright, there might be one or two who back out and stay in the pub, and then get mocked, ha ha pussy whipped, I've seen that happen too. All in all it creates conflict and bad feeling for any man not wanting to go along with the strip club idea. So you have men who avoid it entirely, men who go along with it to 'keep the peace', and men who go along but do not enjoy themselves nursing a beer with one or two other rebels.

I don't support strip clubs. I do not think they are good places, I do not think they are 'just a laugh'. So in turn, I don't support those who keep them in business.

Sparklycat · 18/04/2016 12:39

It would bother me, I'd assume it's either sex or drugs they're going for on a stag do there imo.

Roseberrry · 18/04/2016 12:39

The only thing I would worry about is dh going in to a weed coma.

He could get a prostitute in the uk if he was really desperate so not much difference being in Amsterdam.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/04/2016 12:43

Meh, YANBU. If they wanted to look at museums or drink coffee or whatever else the other responses ave suggested, they could have gone anywhere.

...You do realise that museums aren't interchangeable and they're not the exact same everywhere you go?

Grin
WorraLiberty · 18/04/2016 12:46

I rather liked the Museum of Cheese and the Sex Museum in equal measure Grin

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2016 12:47

Actually I've just read that back and it sounds so wrong Blush

Is it too late to scratch out the Museum of Cheese and replace it with the Anne Frank Museum?

Thought so.

ilovesooty · 18/04/2016 12:52

I visit Amsterdam several times annually and have done for years.
I always assume people who react like this are with men they don't trust.

PageStillNotFound404 · 18/04/2016 12:55

I think it depends on the motivation behind choosing Amsterdam as the venue (which you'll probably never know 100%, OP). If it was "the flights are pretty cheap, there's plenty to do, some great bars and restaurants and we could try a hash cafe while we're there" then YABU. If it was "way-hey, legalised prostitution, pack your condoms and don't tell the missus!" then YANBU.

It's disingenuous to ignore the fact that for some blokes, the latter is what would influence the decision to go to Amsterdam over, say, Paris or Barcelona or Rome or similar cities with plenty of culture and cafe/bar nightlife to sample but who don't make a tourist attraction out of their red light district. But that doesn't mean every man or group of men who go there is doing so in order to visit a prostitute.

Frazzled2207 · 18/04/2016 12:58

Not a stag do but my dh is going there later this week on a work trip where everyone happens to be male.
I suspect he will come back worse for wear but I'm not at all worried about what he might do with other women. There must be other things amiss in your relationship, that said I would 't be too impressed if a deliberate trip the red light district was on the itinerary.

KittyKrap · 18/04/2016 12:58

I'm going there in a couple of weeks. Not as a stag or as a prostitute! We're visiting family. BiL wants to take DH and show him the red light district, well good luck as DH would rather have a beer. I will be shopping Grin

Birdsgottafly · 18/04/2016 13:04

One of my ex BFs went on a stag do to Magaluf, he told me tales of the others (not him of course), who got a two prostitues to do the lot of them, including the Stag, who married his Sister.

Then a couple of months later he wouldn't have sex with me and it took another two weeks until he made the announcement that he had Gonorrhoea.

The prostitues were African, significant at the time (90's), he was lucky, two of them got HIV diagnoses.

Prostitues are rife in any city and in city's like Tallinn, Kraków and such cities they are cheap and stunning.

In most cities across the UK, they could pull someone.

Sex is available in Amsterdam, but it's expensive compared to other places.

A long of Stags get legless and/or off their faces and aren't fit for sex.

TheSconeOfStone · 18/04/2016 13:17

It wouldn't bother me at all but I trust my DH. He went to Amsterdam with some work friends and got drunk and watched a sex show. He told he found it boring but he's more of a classic car nut. He's more likely to run off with a 1970s pile of rusting metal than a prostitute.

Amsterdam is close and cheap to get to, geared up for tourists and has nice bars. Just about any city break destination in Europe has a seedy side for those that want it.

StarlingMurmuration · 18/04/2016 13:19

DP would never sleep with a prostitute so I wouldn't care.

Pinkheart5915 · 18/04/2016 13:21

It wouldn't bother me.
Dh went on a stag do there about 18 months ago and it didn't bother me in the slightest I trust dh.
Amsterdam isn't only a red light district it is a very lovely place.

acasualobserver · 18/04/2016 13:24

I would definitely trust my husband. (And have him trailed by a private detective.)

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 18/04/2016 13:26

Amsterdam is such a beautiful city it's a shame that the red light district is what many associate with the city.

I don't think yabu. Of course not all on a stag do will visit the red light district or pay for sex but many do that is why it is such a thriving business. Some are fine with their partner window shopping others are not its up you and your partner to decide what is a what is not acceptable in your relationship

We can all trust and we should in a relationship but we can all be tempted (not necessarily by sex there are other temptations in life) how tempted he might be maybe this is what is concerning you

19lottie82 · 18/04/2016 13:29

You either trust your OH or you don't. A destination has nothing to do with it.

Oysterbabe · 18/04/2016 13:30

Amsterdam is a nice place. It wouldn't bother me but then I trust DH, he'd do no more than drink a few too many.