To vasectomy or not to vasectomy...

[Marquand]

I'm currently pregnant with DC3. I'm 43, and DP is 46, so in both our minds this is definitely the last one.

I would like DP to have a vasectomy - I really don't want to use the pill in future, and I'm not too keen on condoms either.

He said a straight out NO when I asked him. I really don't think it's an unreasonable request.

What do you think?

Just in case anyone comes back to this, I've found a very thorough review of many many papers on the long term risks of vasectomy. ..in so many areas, including auto immune, sexual function etc etc. I hope it's of use. I found it extremely comprehensive.

Long term risks from vasectomy

Thank you for this lborgia - very useful. I have read it but will need to re-read to absorb it all.

We never even considered it for DP - but then I was happy with other methods. I always appreciate it on MN when posters share information, knowledge or experience.

Thank you all for the eye opening thread. DP has this week asked his GP for a referral for a vasectomy, and I had no idea of the risks involved. I'll be making sure he has done his research before he goes any further.

I have a question I hope someone will know the answer to... The GP told DP that I would need to attend the appointment at the hospital and give my permission, is this really true? Surely it can't be?

Boggling still at the "ah sure, it's almost impossible for a woman in her 40s to get pregnant so why worry about it?". Back in the days before widespread contraceptive use (which here in Ireland was actually not all that long ago), a lot of women gave birth in their 40s because they basically had children until they couldn't any more - my friend's mum had him at 48, and my dad and his siblings were all born when his mother was in her 40s. Also a significant number of women having terminations are in their 40s, frequently because they got a bit more careless with contraception as "it's scientifically almost impossible at my age". It's less likely than in your 30s but it's not impossible AT ALL.

(also boggling at the "and you'll just miscarry if you do get pregnant! NO PROBLEMS!", which, er, having had a slightly complicated miscarriage at 12 weeks in my 30s is not something I'd like to have as my back-up contraceptive option - three months of morning sickness followed by nearly haemorrhaging and a fun trip to the operating theatre)

I had my second child no problem at 40 and am still very definitely ovulating at 43. Damn right I'm using contraception (have a copper coil and no major problems with it, fortunately).

I'm counting how many people I know who have had babies over 42 with no issues at all... umm,5 off the top of my head and one was 47 so there's no WAY I'd risk no contraception!

I also had second child at 43 and my Irish grandmother had 3 when she was past 40.

For someone who is allegedly medically trained, 2under2aagh is very ignorant of some basic medical facts. The numbers of so called menopause babies is relatively high. And, as women are healthier and fitter now, having babies into your mid to late 40's isn't unusual at all. Of course he would be able to get a vasectomy.

It's not unreasonable for you to ask, or for him to refuse to have a vasectomy, if you're both implacable then some serious talking about what form of contraception you're going to use has to happen. How does he feel about condoms?

I think it is up to your dh. You could be sterilised yourself if you wanted to be but shouldn't be pressuring someone else to do so.

No that isn't true, Grumpy.

Thanks Owls and Alas, I'm glad that's the case. Unfortunately there was no misunderstanding, he was told by the GP that I must go. That particular GP has always been an arse but being a GP we thought he must be right. We're both registered to the same practice so I think we're going to refuse appointments with him in future.

Agreed. The GP had to be pushed into referral, telling DP that early 30s is too young. He also said they won't normally do it so soon after the youngest child (who is 4!) so it's possible he said it to put him off. We'll follow up on it after he's had the referral, I won't let it drop as I would have been outraged if I was told I needed DP's permission to be sterilised.

Dh had the snip at 30 and I didn't have to give my permission,that's outrageous!

It's really difficult to decide isn't it? DH was all set to get it done but actually reading some of the stories on here (and thank you, sincerely, for sharing them) I think we'll rethink. I suspect that he may have to have gone private anyway given that he's only 35 and only has one child.

I might look into getting sterilised myself perhaps. I don't think I can stand to get a coil, I'm being stupid but it really makes me cringe thinking about it.

Splendide what is it about the coil that concerns you? I have a really sensitive cervix and persuaded my GP to change my coil under anaesthetic last time.

Well, I am 48 this year and neither my GP nor DP's said "nah forget about contraception now".
So, earlier this year, I had a new coil and he had a vasectomy.
No one suggested I can't conceive, no one said it was a waste of NHS money, and neither of us had to ask the permission of the other for the procedure.

I can't believe someone up thread said women are encouraged to stay on the pill because it "helps transition to HRT", I've never heard such rot. In my whole sexually active life no GP has 'encouraged' me to be on the pill. I have been on the pill at some points but was taken off at age 35 as the GP said it was contra indicated for women over 30 who get migraines - no encouragement to stay on it, it wasn't even an option. She said most women come off it by 40.
Sadly I developed a life threatening allergy to progesterone (which is very rare) so no pill, inserts or injections for me. And no HRT.

I don't think dp did any research into vasectomy, but that's his choice. His GP didn't push it (but they did refer him after just a phone appointment) and counselling was offered.

'If the op doesn't want to take the pill then why not try the mini pill for the short fertile period that remains. It's not forever it's less than 2 years

Or go private and spare the nhs!'

Dear god, of all the ignorant crap I've read on here. The very idea that all women 45 and over are totally infertile or, if they do conceive, will all miscarry is beyond uninformed.

Plenty of women can and do naturally conceive after that age and have healthy babies.

It's not likely, but it's certainly possible.

My gran had two when she was over 40. She had her first at 16 and her last 2 months before she turned 48.

I wanted my dh to get the snip last year, i'd been on the pill for years, had two kids then got a hormone free copper coil which had me having massive incredibly painful and long periods.

After reading a thread on here with similar posts i rethought the snip for dh. Personally i do think its "his turn" i have had a terrible birth, lasting physical damage and pain (for the 10 years since), problems with sex and ongoing physical hassle with copper coil. That said my dh is an awful ill person, and if he ended up with any complication I just couldnt handle it.

I changes to a mirena two months ago. I grudge being on hormone contraception to be honest, but easier than dealing with a sick husband on top of my own health problems.

Dh had his vasectomy about 4 years ago, and I did have to go in so they knew that I agreed to it!! I was a bit dumbfounded tbh, can you imagine that in reverse??!!

Dh volunteered for the snip as I didn't want to go back on hormonal birth control. Until we tried for ds I had no idea how bloody rotten my mirena was making me feel, and being over 40 and breast feeding also limited what my gp would prescribe. It's definitely been the right decision for us.

If you hadn't agreed would they have refused to do it?!

Out yes it's the thought of it being inserted. I might speak to our practice nurse about it, maybe I need to woman up!

Despite our bad experiences, I do think vasectomies are a good thing in general - just go in with your eyes wide open and be very careful about who does it and how.
DH's was with a GP - and I'm not sure if this is correct, "but the GP just did it to keep his hand in surgery" - I imagine lazer method with an expert who does it every day would have been a better choice.

I'm very dubious about surgical contraception- my DM was sterilised & then got pregnant. A pregnancy would've killed her (why she got sterilised) so she had to have a termination. Very traumatic.

I'm going to stay on the pull as long as possible, and then condoms I think.