To vasectomy or not to vasectomy...

[Marquand]

I'm currently pregnant with DC3. I'm 43, and DP is 46, so in both our minds this is definitely the last one.

I would like DP to have a vasectomy - I really don't want to use the pill in future, and I'm not too keen on condoms either.

He said a straight out NO when I asked him. I really don't think it's an unreasonable request.

What do you think?

head I was the same. Could not wait to get back on it.

Why isn't it ok for a man to go on to every vasectomy thread and post about his experience.

Many women here do the same. Wether it's divorce, abuse, parenting etc. Go on every thread and post their experiences. Would you sneer at them too?

Or is it only seen as helpful if a woman shares her experience?

I think it's useful that Fuzz posts presumably it encourages people to research what they are doing and reminds them that things can go wrong and that sometimes things can go very wrong.

Fuzz. I've said it before but I really hope things improve for you.

You comment on every vasectomy thread. It's not right to make it a personal crusade

Hang on a sec...he comments because he wants people to know the full risks. He is living proof that there are risks, and I say good on him for sharing the info, because the medical profession don't!

I post a lot on unwanted pregnancy/termination threads, because I have been there, is that me making termination my "personal crusade"

I think it is highly rude to criticize someone for sharing their personal experience.

Or is it because his experiences don't reflect the happy, quick, safe and incomplete information that is being pushed on men when it comes to a vasectomy? SPOT ON!!

I absolutely agree that PVPS is not discussed at all and should be. A colleague was booked for a vasectomy. He said that at no point had anyone talked him through the risks. I was a lone voice say to him to do some research. In the end he decided to go ahead and so far so good but he was woefully under informed.

It is trivialised. Describing it as 'the snip' is using trivialising language. The jokes and winks. The 'it's your turn now' comments. This is all trivialising.

Now I dont think that this silence on risk is exclusive to vasectomy. When I had the copper coil fitted there was no discussion about its reliability as a method of contraception. When I found out I was pregnant 6 months later coil babies seemed to be popping out of the woodwork all round me. When I was eventually sterilised again there was no discussion about it.

No one is pushing the vasectomy agenda or says it's an easy solution.

Really? because this thread is full of people saying it was the "best thing ever"

Even saying it's your turn now implies it's expected....using such language makes men feel they are not good husbands if they do not do this.

I'm glad he posts, if people still want to go ahead that's fine but at least they are aware of the fact it might not go smoothly.

People often don't want to hear about an opposite view as they want to be validated.

I think: "best thing ever" is fine. I'd be saying it, if it were true for us.

I think: Snip is safe, fast, effective and relatively painless is crap though, as is it's a walk in the park compared to what women go through. As for telling someone who has had their procedure that their views aren't welcome, well that's a nasty thing to do.

And I thnk the agenda is pushed, after our DD2 my DH was ribbed and asked when he was being done at his cricket club. Er no...we want more children. Even the dr was asking and suggesting at the hospital before we left after having DD2.

I have also learnt a fair amount about the workings down there on men that I never knew. The Vas is actually a muscle made of the same tissue. It's not a pipe on its own either as is is surrounded by 3 major blood vessels and many nerves.

Chopping away with a zapper can easily damage nerves and blood supply. Damaging these also carries the risk of losing the testicle and also loss of Testosterone. That's quite an important hormone for men. Sex drive aside, the effects are severe fatigue and osteoporosis as well as low mood and depression. There are an increasing number of men coming forward with these issues following the snip.

I was surprised how complex things are. Also cutting the vas leaves the balls pulling on nerves and blood vessels so they don't have the same support. Gone are loose cotton boxers. It also affects ejaculation as there isn't the same pressure as the vas contracts on orgasm. Once that's cut it doesn't work the same.

It's all about being informed. My doctor and the one doing the op sold it as a walk in the park. I've since found out that my doctor wouldn't have it done himself. His wife told me. The down side is you are really up the creak if you get PVPS. It's incurable.

My brother is medically trained and always says don't have surgery unless you absolutely need to.

I broke my spine last year very badly. My surgeon said we can operate or you can stay in hospital immobilised. If I operate you may not walk again. You already have experience of surgery going wrong.

We chose a long hospital stay. I can walk Fortunately.

Never take any surgery lightly. It can and does go wrong. Hence I've decided not to have two denervation procedures as the chance of success is only 30% and I believe the pain can return much worse.

It's surgery in a very sensitive area. Never take non essential surgery choices lightly.

YABU. It's his body. I think a straight no was a bit harsh & it did warrant a discussion but, flip it.... How would you feel if he asked you to have a procedure you didn't want?

The NHS Choices page, repeatedly referenced through this thread is evidence based, and refers to the risk from the procedure itself. There are scores of peer reviewed articles in the scholarly databases.

It goes that wrong following perfectly competently carried out operations. Not just 'botched' ones, as straight surgical error is much rarer.

Well 'vasectomy is a straight forward procedure if done correctly,' is quite different from your earlier 'the snip is safe, fast, effective and relatively painless'

And it isn't just the Fuzz who has related bad experiences here. At least three others have. Your insistence that he is an 'outlier' is not quite correct either.

It goes that wrong following perfectly competently carried out operations

Yes, that's true too.

I think the lack of discussion of PVPS is part and parcel of the lack of discussion of problems 'down there' for men and women. Outside of forums like MN how much discussion is there of post birth or post vasectomy problems? It seems like a secret club which no one wants to join.

Understandable that many people dont want to discuss continence, painful or no sex and constant pain. However the medical profession should be discussing this with patients ahead of events.

How many men would still go ahead with a vasectomy if their GP told them (ie said the words not just handed out a leaflet) that 1/10 patients would experience PVPS and what that actually means? I would expect that there would be a sharp decline in the number going ahead.

And then of course there is the risk of birth injury. We are constantly told the cost of CS but there is far less public discussion of the cost both personally and emotionally and to the NHS of repairing or managing birth injury.

Alasalas2
"There is serious stigma surrounding vasectomies that need to be dispelled."

I haven't seen any stigma attached to vasectomies, as someone else posted, it seems to be treated as a laugh and a joke.

What needs to be dispelled is that it is a "safe, fast, effective and relatively painless" operation with little or no chance of complications.

I find it bizarre that women are happily expected to give birth (vaginally or C section). No men come on here saying that they are worried about the health implications of their wife giving birth :-( yet there are plenty of threads about men being frightened of having vasectomies).

How many women are given a leaflet about the implications of giving birth, Gnome? As you say, there should be fairness on both sides!

Hormonal contraception wiped out my sex drive. Now DH has been given the all clear after his vasectomy we're having far more sex than we've had in years. Win win!

landrover but if you want to have kids then there really is no option but to give birth by whatever method. No choice in that.

If you want to prevent children there are a lot of choices.

Lots of men are worried about the implications of giving birth. My husband was more concerned than me about my health post birth and long term complications. I was too desperate to get the baby out to think about it!

If you want to prevent children there are a lot of choices

Not necessarily. I think there are actually scarily few, with what medical science can achieve now.

If hormonal contraception doesn't work for a woman and there's been a child born from a split condom already then you're left with not having proper sex (and we were both fed up of that very quickly), female sterilisation or vasectomy.

My DH read everything he could get his hands on, and felt strongly that the risk of sterilisation for me (ectopic pregnancy - life threatening) outweighed the risks of vasectomy for him.

Plus, I think, he did feel something of a feeling that it was his turn to take on some of the risk, after me having gone through three pregnancies and births, none of which were easy. I'm not saying that men should feel like that, but I was bloody glad that mine did.

He did do a lot of research on methods, and take every precaution he could. Including paying some highly rated surgeon who was an expert in the no-scalpal technique, rather than be referred on the NHS.

"If hormonal contraception doesn't work for a woman and there's been a child born from a split condom already then you're left with not having proper sex (and we were both fed up of that very quickly), female sterilisation or vasectomy.
"
There is also the coil, cap, female condom, diaphragm.