Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

504 replies

NatureRun · 18/04/2016 08:00

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it Shock He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him Blush

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

OP posts:
Rowenag · 19/04/2016 18:15

It wasn't really your fault that her coat got soiled as it was an accident, and I would have thought a genuine sorry would have been enough. It wouldn't have occurred to me to offer to pay for dry cleaning as I don't own any clothes that aren't machine washable so I wouldn't have even thought of it. She sounded like she was being unnecessarily rude and nasty to me.

DonkeyOaty · 19/04/2016 18:28

Has this thing kicked off yet? Wink

zeezeek · 19/04/2016 18:30

Why are people saying she probably has no experience of children? How on earth can you know that?

I am often seen out in public, even in busy coffee shops, dressed smartly. I have even sat in the vicinity of babies whilst dressed smartly and in a busy coffee shop. I have 2 children and neither of them ever did anything like that, so of course I wouldn't think about it.

caramac04 · 19/04/2016 18:43

Jeez it was an accident. Sounds like where there's blame there's a claim. Utterly ridiculous. YANBU.
Life happens. Shut happens. You apologised. She was rude and over reacted. Maybe she needed soothing but in your place I'd have probably apologised, as you did, whilst thinking "over reacting drama queen".

Beeziekn33ze · 19/04/2016 19:00

As you were being apologetic I don't get why she found it necessary to get angry. The coat must have been very close if it almost flicked his face.
Looks to me like no one's fault, one of those things. What did your NCT friends think?

HoneyDragon · 19/04/2016 19:38

It fucking has now.

squeak10 · 19/04/2016 20:01

Oops, my ds once picked up( luckily a friends jacket) and wiped his snotty nose on it. We still laugh about it 20 years later and yes I did have her jacket cleaned.

pandarific · 19/04/2016 20:07

Ah I dunno, if it was expensive and she told you it was dry clean only you should have footed the bill tbh.

Your baby/pet/car damages someone else's stuff, you have to pay I'm afraid, though she shouldn't have shouted. A bit boggled anyone would think otherwise.

Lovemylittlebears · 19/04/2016 20:08

The main error here is obs sporting a Coatigan in the first place - nob!

pandarific · 19/04/2016 20:08

It's what judge judy would say, too Grin

butteredmuffin · 19/04/2016 20:14

Haven't read the whole thread but I think YANBU. And I say that as someone without children.

Babies don't have very long arms. If her coat thing was within grabbing distance of your baby then she must have put it down right next to him. Certainly easily within projectile coming distance and everyone knows babies do that. I think an apology was enough.

Anyone who chucks delicate dry-clean only clothes over a chair in a coffee shop right next to a stranger's baby is asking for trouble.

butteredmuffin · 19/04/2016 20:15

Ugh, that was supposed to say "projectile vomming distance". Damn autocorrect. Sorry folks!

mw63 · 19/04/2016 20:18

Wtf, I can't believe some of the comments on here.

Your baby = your responsibility
Her coatigan = her responsibility...I bet in future she will be more aware of where she is shoving her extra seat, who's space she is invading and where she drapes her precious coatigan.

nennyrainbow · 19/04/2016 20:41

I have a grey coatigan (Boden if you must know).
When someone smears prune yoghurt on it, I chuck it in the machine on the woollen cycle.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/04/2016 21:26

who's space she is invading

ffs, it's a public place. It doesn't belong to the OP.

butteredmuffin · 19/04/2016 21:31

No but you'd have to be pretty damn close to be within reach of a baby's arm!

CornishDoll82 · 19/04/2016 21:40

People here would be furious, livid, seething. I think some of you might need some kind of anger management if an accident caused by an 8 month old baby provokes these extreme feelings.

wiltingfast · 19/04/2016 22:09

Can't believe anyone thinks you should foot the bill!! She was out in public, accidents happen. It's not your job to watch where other people sit.

It's a well known fact, even without baby involvement, dry clean clothes get dirty!

Sheld0n · 19/04/2016 22:20

YABU. Your baby is your responsibility. If you are aware that it is a risk to sit so close to him for this reason, you should have warned her.

mw63 · 19/04/2016 22:38

It is a public space and it doesn't belong to the op but shoving an additional seat between to already crowded tables is invading someones space. If she had been polite enough to ask if she could squeeze another seat in she may have noticed her proximity to the impeding accident and been more careful of where she draped her coatigan. And it sounds like her over reaction was what stopped her from having her dry cleaning bill paid.

dowhatnow · 19/04/2016 23:36

I'm getting irrationally angry at pp's who think she should pay.

She's sitting there quietly minding her own business feeding her baby, when someone else chooses to squeeze into a non space - and it's her fault that the other person squeezed in too close? What planet are these people on?

Why am I getting so worked up about this? The world is definitely going mad.

Outmyself · 19/04/2016 23:54

Yanbu. I wouldn't have offered to pay under those circumstances either.

Welliwooster · 20/04/2016 00:12

I wouldn't have offered to pay for dry cleaning either as that seems excessive! You and your bsby where sat there first snd already eating - sound like she choose to sit way to close, so close that she flicked her cardigan thing right near his face!! I think an apology should have been enough and she really shouldn't have "told you off".... I hate people that invade my personal space and it sounds like that's what she did with your DS!!

charlotte12 · 20/04/2016 01:28

I don't think you are being unfair, let's look at this logically, had she not pulled up an extra chair making her closer to her friends and your son, she would have been out of reach! If the cardigan/coat is so precious, maybe don't opt to sit next to a table of babies of that age eating lol! No one is to blame it is a shame but that's life in my opinion! Babies move like ninjas and just because he grabbed an item at random and at speed doesn't mean you are not supervising him! He is a separate being with his own developing and curious mind, how could u anticipate he would make a grab at her cost in a split second! It's like saying if he throws his spoon then you should anticipate the event and catch the spoon looool or you are not supervising properly. If she is that bothered she can take your don to small claims court when he turns 16 as it wasn't you who put her coat to your face! So come on everyone, this lady obviously feels bad about the event but yes I would get a little stubborn if someone started yelling at me in public too! This situation is unfortunate but in the grand scheme of things with war, famine, abuse all over the world who gives a stuff about a coat - sorry if this offends anyone but this is simply my opinion, happy prune purée eating babies Grin

KatyCustard · 20/04/2016 06:59

I've just spent about half an hour having a discussion with myself about this in bed instead of getting up for work....

If this had had been your DC aged three or even older and should have known better etc. then I could have understood the anger on the part of Coatigan Woman. (Envisages bratty 5 year old staring at Coatigan Woman before deliberately and slowly leaning over and wiping face). But your DCis 8 months! Struggling with Coatigan Woman's sense of humour failure.....

But then it's not her fault Cafe crowded; she can wear dry clean stuff if she wants.

Think both parties needed to show a bit of grace here (not saying you weren't OP).

Arrrrgh! I don't know? This will be going round in my head forever as one of those unresolveable moral dilemmas!