To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

[NatureRun]

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

[SuperFlyHigh]

My take on this as a non mum.

I go to a cafe - if it's to meet friends and I'm in a rush and no space I sit down maybe not clocking mum and baby or clocking them but not anticipating any bother. I take off coatigan drape over chair.

A few minutes later I see a baby's outstretched hand and arm grab for my coatigan to wipe it's mouth (mother is either too slow or was talking to her friends or feeding baby).

I'm shocked and a bit upset by a huge stain on my coatigan and think it may be ruined.

Mother apologises but seems to laugh it off. Which antagonises me. Mother doesn't seem sincere.

I think it may need dry cleaning and enraged start getting het up and ask she pays for coatigan to be dry cleaned (which is what i'd do in this scenario).

Mother laughs it off I either turn to friends or leave but with a ruined cardigan or I stay and seethe.

I admit I shouldn't have told off mother but I had thought she could have foreseen situation or offered dry cleaning payment.

Ta da!

[SuperFlyHigh]

Oh if it was me as mum I'd offer payment if it was me as coatigan woman I'd wipe off first!

Just giving another scenario

[fascicle]

SuperFlyHigh
I go to a cafe - if it's to meet friends and I'm in a rush and no space I sit down maybe not clocking mum and baby or clocking them but not anticipating any bother. I take off coatigan drape over chair.

A few minutes later I see a baby's outstretched hand and arm grab for my coatigan to wipe it's mouth (mother is either too slow or was talking to her friends or feeding baby).

Compare and contrast your imagined version, including timings, to OP's:

NatureRun
I was watching him, I had the spoon halfway to his mouth when she dropped the coat over the back of the chair. He grabbed it within a split-second as it flicked near his face.

OP had no time to react, or to foresee woman's coatigan action. The woman made choices and could reasonably be expected to understand that she had chosen to sit in very close proximity to a feeding baby.

The cardigan was unlikely to be ruined - if it was, that's an additional risk/choice on the part of the woman (i.e. wearing a garment that cannot withstand ordinary wear and tear).

[bumblebee1234]

What if mother can't afford dry cleaning bill when you have children your money goes. I bet she can't afford a fancy coatigan. Its very hard and draining for a mother to leave the house have everything in order. Now we are saying that she laughed it off. Really what with all those sleepless nights. I have 4 children the age gap between my last 2 is 7 years and even I forgot how hard it is. Buying clothes, toys, baby food etc etc. My eyes is on my child as what this woman has also said she had her eyes on him when this woman decided to throw her coat behind the chair. All it takes is a split second and if you had children you would understand that. I think its very unreasonable to ask for money when she made the decision to put her coat on the chair. If she can't be asked to use her eyes because she is tired and rushed of her feet doesn't that the op she pay for her mistake. Accidents do happen.

[bumblebee1234]

Reading my last post I sound tired. I still haven't got my 13 month old son into a bed time routine very tired mummy on here.

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

Spot on bumblebee. All sorts of excuses have been made for why this woman didn't watch where she was plonking her chair ("looking forward to meeting her friends, desperate for a cuppa, has a lot going on in her life") and why it was acceptable for her to verbally abuse the OP. However, all sorts of assumptions have been made about the mother ("she must have been talking and not watching her child, must have made light of the situation and so wound the woman up"). There have even been suggestions that young children should be banned from cafes, and people's children have been referred to as "unruly brats".
There is a lot of anti-mother and child prejudice on this site.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Just the offer of payment (which would probably have been refused) amounts to say £20 maximum would've been enough and the polite thing to do.


slowly I am not anti mother or child brigade at all just if you're not a mum but a woman sans child/baby (can be mother of not) there is also antagonism levelled at you too.

Can't the 2 parties rub along together?! like they usually do

Ps I'm the worst for cooing over a cute baby/toddler on trains in cafes etc!

[wiltingfast]

Look, you wear clothes, they get dirty. You don't demand other people clean them.

It might be different if the baby actually set it on fire or something

[Aeroflotgirl]

Accidents happen, you apologised and should have been that. She sounds very over dramatic, dry cleaning my left foot, a quick cold wash in the washing machine would have sorted that, what a drama queen.

[WanderingNotLost]

I'm just impressed at the kid's lightning fast reflexes, given that he was able to swivel round, grab the garment in question and wipe his mouth on it in a split second

[bumblebee1234]

The things I have seen my children do and it only takes a split second.

[bumblebee1234]

The coat most probably brushed his face.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I know, ds 4 has lightening reflexes, and he had the same when he was a baby!

[gib1973]

Long time lurker but first time poster. I haven't got any children so can't really emphasise from a parental point of view. Of COURSE you should pay for it. Your baby = your responsibility. I would be mad too with prune yoghurt over my clothes.
However you catch more bee's with honey rather than poison so if she should of been nicer to you in the first place.

[ifigoup]

I don't know the ins and outs of this particular situation but I hate entitled behaviour from parents in general. Yesterday I was at a bus stop and an army of four mothers with massive pushchairs were taking up the entire bench and didn't stand up to make room for elderly people, a woman in crutches etc.

[bumblebee1234]

I know what you mean I hate it when women are in supermarkets talking in the middle of the isle and I'm trying to do my shopping. I have to say excuse me please you don't see men doing that. I'm a mum and I'm a recluse although I'm not antisocial I don't like to mingle and talk my business and I think people find me boring anyway because I'm not how they want me to be. I find it hard to leave the house sometimes. A mother came up to me and asked am I married I have been with my partner for 14 years why ask she don't even say hello to me. I pick and choose who I talk to if they show me respect then I will respect you back. At the school gate you'll be lucky to get a hello because they are so busy chatting they forget you are there. It does come across as rude.

I do think the OP is upset and I don't think its her fault it was an accident. You have to be aware in the first year some mothers do suffer with post natal depression and it can be very serious.

[SuperFlyHigh]

bumble PND give me a break

Oh and it's "aisle" not "isle".

[bumblebee1234]

aisle got it my keyboard don't work properly.

[Lanark2]

Jeez. Part of me hates it that Starbucks is becoming a crèche, but that's not each individual childir mothers fault and I I want to go adult only, I don't choose Starbucks. Whenever kids are there it is your duty to be tolerant, and if you are on the comfy sofas and a mother sighs as she comes in because she really needs to sit there you move.

To understand this, I would put this on my newest Mac, I wouldn't put near child as I love it and would hate it getting dirty/stained, but That's going to happen one day in some unavoidable thing. But if it happened, the feeling of annoyance/disappointment can be expressed, but it's to be expressed in the bathroom whilst sponging it off in my view.

Of course anyone can be intolerant about these things, and the law probably helps, but the sensible line through this is that it was an accident, with teeny tiny consequences, but some people do seek to pressure others to correct any intrusion of reality into their fantasy world of perfection, and others are just cunts who want everyone else around them to feel in the wrong, so that their internal inferiority worries and bad decisions are pushed onto the universe around them.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Lanark

You have made me laugh out loud!

So right if I'm in Starbucks on a nice sofa enjoying a coffee and mum with buggy comes in and would like the sofa I immediately need to spring up and let her sit there?! Are you completely mad?!

I agree in being tolerant especially re kids but I also agree that if they can't behave they shouldn't be out. Luckily where I used to work in Wimbledon if I went in pret or the Starbucks next door etc for lunch almost all the kids (babies etc) were incredibly well behaved! It is rare to see misbehaved kids even in mcds!

I don't see also why if I do have an item of clothing if it's stained then yes the "offer" should be there to pay for cleaning!

[ilovesooty]

tragic accident?

I think I've heard it all now.

[bumblebee1234]

What if I cleaned it for you would that be reasonable not everyone can afford £20.

[Xmasbaby11]

I have 2 young dc and I'd be mortified if that happened and I'd offer to pay for the cleaning. When you feed a baby out and about, you think carefully about what's most practical to feed them and watch them like a hawk in a busy cafe. I'd probably avoid a busy cafe if your baby is grabby/messy ... or just give them finger food.

[bumblebee1234]

I am the same myself I find the quite places to go and feed him. In all honesty it can be avoided.

[listsandbudgets]

Sorry but you should have offered to pay.

Different scenario but I met a friend for breakfast at a local pub. One of theor staff tripped with a pile of plates and after everything was cleared up I was approached by the pub manager who told me that when he tripped, some brown sauce splatted across the back of my coat. He offered to pay dry cleaning which I refused as luckily it was a grotty old coat that would wash at 40 degrees. I hadn't even noticed! They insisted on giving us our meals free though.

The point is that it was an accident as it was in your case OP and those involved took responsibility.

THAT SAID anyone who wears something that needs dry cleaning within reach of a group of warning toddlers needs their head examination in so at most you should offer half