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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

504 replies

NatureRun · 18/04/2016 08:00

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it Shock He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him Blush

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

OP posts:
Primaryteach87 · 19/04/2016 10:40

I wouldn't expect someone to pay even if they had dropped the prunes right over me whilst I was stationary!! As it was, she chose to sit right next to a high chair. These things happen. It's sounds like this woman had been watching too many American to shows.

Ilovewillow · 19/04/2016 10:51

I think are a number of things here. you apologised which is fine but I do think you should have offered dry cleaning, it might have been a really expensive item of clothing. However, it was an accident so I do think she was over the top by being so unkind.

wheelofapps · 19/04/2016 10:53

Your child damaged someone else's property. You should pay to restore it.

If my dog slobbered on your clothing I would offer to pay dry cleaning.
It would slobber so I would let it nowhere near your nice clothes.

My children when babies were spectacularly messy.
We either stayed home or we had plenty wipes etc and sat away from other folks.

Not 'coatigan's' fault but yours I am afraid.

Original poster
NatureRun · 19/04/2016 10:57

Wow thanks for all the replies!

Lots of different opinions here but I'm glad the majority think I wasn't being U.

I apologised immediately but she jumped up and started shouting! Her reaction made DS laugh which probably enraged her even more Blush

I do think it was partly her fault for sitting so close to him and draping the coat over the back of her chair. I was watching him (about to pop a spoonful into his mouth) but he grabbed the coatigan in a split second. And to the posters who asked how a baby can clean his mouth, I don't think he was cleaning himself he just loves to press soft things to his face!

I'm a bit Hmm about 'causing damage to property'... it was a prune stain!

I will be more alert in future and try to anticipate people putting coats within grabbing range!

Oh and the prunes were an Ella pouch Wink

OP posts:
Eatin43 · 19/04/2016 11:03

Definitely not your fault, it was her choice to pull up a chair in a confined space close to a child who was being fed. If she was that worried about her clothes she should have though before sitting there. An apology was enough. Don't fret over it, I'm sure stuff happens like this all the time but most people are happy with an apology and a wet wipe :-)

Original poster
NatureRun · 19/04/2016 11:03

My children when babies were spectacularly messy.
We either stayed home or we had plenty wipes etc and sat away from other folks

We were sitting away from others, she pulled a chair up to squeeze onto next table. I think it's a shame to stay out of public places just because a baby might make a mess. I always carry baby-wipes and Dettol wipes and clean the highchair, floor and table. And we only go to child-friendly places.

Re dogs, if I say right next to a dog on a park bench and dog put a muddy paw on me, I'd blame myself for choosing to sit there. However if the dog was off-lead and ran to me and jumped up I'd be annoyed. Still can't imagine demanding dry-cleaning money though!

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 19/04/2016 11:06

I apologised immediately but she jumped up and started shouting! Her reaction made DS laugh

How unusual - I would have thought a baby would get very distressed if a person started shouting, especially someone as near to your DS as this woman apparently was.

OVienna · 19/04/2016 11:06

I would love to see what that dry cleaning bill would 'come to' in the end, if you'd agreed to do it...

I think apologising profusely is fine. It was an accident.

That said - it so far away from what I can imagine doing myself if the same happened to me I am sort of wondering, I admit, just how profuse the apology was...any of your friends eye rolling at her by any chance? But on balance I suspect she's a bit weird.

chillycurtains · 19/04/2016 11:12

She is BU. It's just life like a car splashing you from a pubble or someone dropping something in the supermarket that marks your clothes. She sat very close and you were there first. It's just the way the cookie crumbed that day.

AnastasiaBeaverhousen1 · 19/04/2016 11:16

Yanbu apology was enough, I wouldn't have paid for dry cleaning nor would I expect it if I had been in the woman's position. When you wear clothes in public places this kind of thing can happen, it's part of life. And I would have loathed her too for making a scene.

HoneyDragon · 19/04/2016 11:19

Why do posters keep comparing dogs to babies?

MsHoolie · 19/04/2016 11:21

OK so her reaction was out of order, but your kid damaged her coat (I'd be pissed off too and depending on my day may also have snapped... )

You should have swallowed your defensive anger and been the bigger person and quietly offered to pay for the dry cleaning (suspect she would have done that British thing and have calmed down and ended up apologising to you if you had stayed polite)

SuburbanRhonda · 19/04/2016 11:21

When you wear clothes in public places this kind of thing can happen

Of course! She should have been naked. That wouldn't have caused a scene at all.

Tallyloolah · 19/04/2016 11:23

You are all kidding right? Imagine it the other way around "AIBU a baby wiped its face on my coat and got it dirty" The responses would probably have been "Well you are BU for sitting next to a baby in the first place!"

This place is batshit.

MaybeDoctor · 19/04/2016 11:25

SuburbanRhonda what happened was that the tube was busy, I was sitting down and she was standing in the middle with her wheely cabin bag suitcase. We arrived at a stop where lots of people ordinarily get off, but rather than wait for them to file out, she tried to push around them. In the process of doing so she lifted her suitcase up to waist height and swung it out over the laps of people sitting down, but because it was a suitcase she could not maintain this and the four wheels literally went 'bumpity bump' over both my knees! Shock If she had just waited a second she could have wheeled it along the floor as it was designed to do...

crazycatlady26 · 19/04/2016 11:38

personally if this happened to me I would have been understanding. these things happen, you can't be supermum all the time and stop your baby from doing things within a split second! come on, are all you mums really that quick and can honestly say you would have prevented this had it been you? I've been covered in mud from over excited dogs when i'm out walking, the owners apologise and I say it's fine as it will wash. I would have offered to pay dry
cleaning bill in this case though but there was no need for the lady to be so angry about it! her bad attitude is clearly what put OP on the defensive!

wheelofapps · 19/04/2016 11:41

I appreciate you took precautions and the person squeezed up next to you.

Nevertheless, her coatigan WAS damaged by your child
(prune juice may never come out - my dd ate a pomegranate with a new white school shirt on last week - I had to bin it after about 6 attempts to get it out).

you should have offered to pay dry cleaning.

SJL2311 · 19/04/2016 11:56

wheelofapps.... personally if someone gets angry at me for something that I could not have prevented then I, like NatureRun, cease caring who is at fault in the first place!

wheelofapps · 19/04/2016 12:03

clearly... Grin

SoupDragon · 19/04/2016 12:13

This place is batshit.

No, it's simply people having a different opinion to you. Amongst a large number of people there will be those who think differently to you. Neither is necessarily right or wrong.

CatOnMyLap · 19/04/2016 12:25

She was silly to sit so close to a baby eating prunes and she sounds like a bit of a cow to overreact like that. The fact that she was a cow about it would probably mean I wouldn't have offered to pay either. But setting aside her cowishness I do think it is your responsibility to pay for the damage caused by your baby. (If your baby had smeared his hands over a rail of white clothes in a shop it would be the same, although probably you could have snuck away before they noticed!) Where I do feel sorry for you is that with a baby in a cafe you are a sitting duck - if her coat/trousers had been ruined by sitting on discarded chewing gum on a bus seat, she wouldn't have known who to blame and they would have got away with it.
Hope you never have to bump into her again Smile

shovetheholly · 19/04/2016 12:27

I think this conversation should have gone like this:

Customer: Oh my God, my coatigan is ruined!
You: Gosh, I am SO sorry. My baby is a mess monster.
Customer: It's not washable!
You: Please let me pay for it to be drycleaned. It's the least I can do.
Customer: Don't be silly! It'll be OK, it needed cleaning anyway. Thanks for offering, though.
You: I insist you let me buy your coffee and cake in that case. I wouldn't feel right not doing it
Customer: That's very kind of you, but there's really no need.
You: I insist (pays anyway)
Customer: That's really kind. Your baby is so cute! I expect mine will be just as messy....

This would be a nice world.

nennyrainbow · 19/04/2016 12:33

Years ago, when I was a student, I was on a National Express coach when without warning, the elderly lady sitting next to me puked everywhere, including onto the arm of the specialist-dry-clean-only leather jacket I was wearing.
Did I demand dry cleaning costs? Certainly not. I wouldn't dream of it. The poor woman was mortified enough as it was. I cleaned it off with tissues and then sponged it down with water when I got to my destination. And given the choice between prune yoghurt and vomit, I know which one I'd choose...Wink
I really detest this compensation culture we live in. Like mine, your incident was an accident, but unlike mine, it could maybe have been foreseen and therefore prevented by the rude lady in question. Accidents happen. She should have accepted your apology graciously and left it at that.

sherbetpips · 19/04/2016 12:37

Should have made banana puree. Looks harmless when smeared on clothing and wiped off but develops to a horrid black colour with time......

sherbetpips · 19/04/2016 12:40

Answer this honestly, if she had pulled a face but been okay about it would you have offered to clean the coat/buy her a coffee or would you have just hoped she didn't complain? The reality is her coat got ruined and it wasn't her fault, should she have got angry and ranty? probably not but I doubt it made any difference anyway.