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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:
Penguinepenguins · 17/04/2016 17:41

My thoughts are with you talkinpeace may your floors RIP

TaIkinPeace · 17/04/2016 17:46

pengin
the floor coped just fine last year, and the year before.

I like to be WELCOMING to those who come to my home.
I like to have visitors

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/04/2016 17:58

Fact - there is no "right" or "wrong" way. It is down to personal preference

Yup. The fact that some posters inevitably start being rude and goody because someone does something differently to them always wrecks the thread for me.

I've never once asked anyone to remove shoes. I actually wouldn't. HOwever, everyone single person I know does it automatically. Not just friends and family, but who I don't know very well or whatever. I do in other people's homes.

It's not 'a rule', it's just what people tend to do.

I don't give a ff what other people do. Why would anyone care if some people offer to take off shoes, and others don't? Make your choice, accept other people's choices, then don't be defensive about it.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/04/2016 17:58

goady

Penguinepenguins · 17/04/2016 18:11

gosh talkinpeace it was a little tongue in cheek FFS

Penguinepenguins · 17/04/2016 18:15

Getting all i like to shout and say I'm welcoming is a bit harsh

CaurnieBred · 17/04/2016 18:26

When I go to friends house I take my own slippers with me. I have no problems in removing shoes but hate having cold feet.

FoxyLoxy123 · 17/04/2016 18:40

If you don't like shoes inside I think that's fine. YANBU considering they have that rule and know how much it impacts you.

I'm surprised re the unwelcoming comments. I wouldn't want anyone in my house who was so uptight about shoes on/off (excluding OP who has specific problem with it).

InlandTiger · 17/04/2016 18:40

Yes I always ask party guests to take their shoes off but most do so without being asked. How odd not to!

If they don't, I show them where to leave their coat (room off the hall) and add 'we leave outdoor shoes in here, would you like slippers?' Most decline but a few accept. If anyone objects I blame it on DH's Persian carpets but I think only 1 person has ever objected.

We have about 10pairs of guest slippers which get popped into washing machine between guests so they stay clean and white.

topcat2014 · 17/04/2016 19:18

You would hate my house, OP, we have lived here 13 years, with carpets throughout that came with the house - god knows how long they had them.

We do vacuum them, and I have a vax type thing somewhere. I wear shoes inside, unless obviously raining outside etc.

Hate having cold feet.

The thought of some kind of communal slippers thing makes me retch though.

On the whole, I don't even share things with DP (such as food etc).

Some very dear friends have a no shoes rule (and also a no front door rule), which I am happy to observe, as I know about it.

whats4teamum · 17/04/2016 20:44

I would rather people kept their shoes on. It is annoying to manoeuvre around a pile of manky footwear in your doorway. I don't want to witness gnarled feet, hairy toes, peeling skin and fungal infection. When my carpet is beyond cleaning I will buy a new one thank you.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/04/2016 20:56

I don't want to witness gnarled feet, hairy toes, peeling skin and fungal infection

You want one of those foot-and-mouth baths in the garden for them to paddle through with feet like that!!

user7755 · 17/04/2016 21:04

Inland - you really ask people to take their shoes off at a party and put slippers on Shock or am I misinterpreting an ironic post?

user7755 · 17/04/2016 21:05

Our dog moves shoes around the house if people leave them in the hallway, he plays a little game where he tries to match the shoes to the person. Sometimes rarely he gets it right!

doesitevermakesense · 17/04/2016 22:11

ooh, where can I get one of those foot-and-mouth baths for people to paddle through before coming in my house with dirty shoes??

Shoes have been everywhere. On the tube, on the pavements where rats have crawled, etc. Why wouldn't people take their shoes off'?

I don't understand, I know I am quite fussy about it, and accept that other people think it is rude to ask to take shoes off. But, genuinely wondering, do the people who keep their shoes on not mind about the germs, or do they not think about it?

I wish I didn't think about it!

Penguinepenguins · 17/04/2016 22:17

Trust me when I say this

If your offered slippers as a guest in a non shoe wearing house those slippers are "hotel" clean

CaptainAnkles · 17/04/2016 22:23

I have only ever been to one house with a 'shoes off' rule, and I felt incredibly unwelcome. People who cared more about what their carpets looked like than making guests feel comfortable. BTW, my shoes were perfectly clean, obviously if I had thought they were dirty I would have taken them off anyway. It's the 'come in, take your shoes off' straight away that comes across as rude.

Baconyum · 17/04/2016 22:32

Op I think you know its the ocd talking. I too have ocd and I'm the opposite I assume the floor always dirty so I'm never barefoot, I'm the same as you with bags too and disinfect mine after each shopping trip. I'm also a lot better than I was (at least I'm now using reusable bags previously they were binned immediately!). It is a relative thing. I'd be interested to know (via PM if you prefer) what treatment you've had as imho CBT doesn't necessarily help.

I have lovely family and friends who while not going so far as to enable the ocd are conscious of it and wouldn't expect me without support to deal with certain things.

But...having said all that my grandfather was a carpet fitter and not ocd and insisted on no outdoor shoes merely to prolong the life and condition of the carpet.

CookieDoughKid · 17/04/2016 22:39

If you go to an Asian household, it's a sign of respect to remove your shoes (generally ). I would find it really rude if you didn't offer at least. But then, I make it very clear by offering slippers and giving a stern look. I've never lost a friend over it.

stitch10yearson · 17/04/2016 22:43

Unless I actually h had mud on my shoes, I would never remove my footwear. My feet are clean and I would like to keep them that way thankyou very much. Anyone who insists on their precious cream carpet, can keep it. I wont bother visiting them again.

inlovewithhubby · 17/04/2016 22:44

I am literally pissing myself at the pp who parties with all her guests in slippers - that HAS to be a piss take surely? Who in the name of footwear parties in slippers???

RosieLig · 17/04/2016 22:50

I literally have never been asked to take my shoes off. It just seems weird! V Hyacinth!

Workmen offer to take their shoes off at the door but I always make them put them back on (unless v muddy) as socks seem way too intimate (and sweaty) somehow!

Where do you all live?

Yeahsure · 17/04/2016 22:53

In my house kids take shoes off and adults don't have to. I'm not really a stickler about the kids either if they forget, floors are floors and they get dirty. Meh.

OP sorry you are struggling with OCD, it must be very tough.

Yeahsure · 17/04/2016 22:55

I'd actually love to be offered slippers at someone's house! If they were gorgeous, new cashmere numbers from the White Company... not 10 year old Asda cast offs Wink

2rebecca · 17/04/2016 23:00

We don't wear shoes in the house but I'd never demand guests remove them. It's unusual in my experience for people with dogs to be fussy about shoe removal, mainly because dogs trample dirt everywhere and cover the place in hairs.
You can tell if you've trodden in something bad because your shoes smell, it's usually dog poo anyway if it's that bad. Get a good mat for wiping feet on and vacuum after they've gone.