To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

[JeVoudrais]

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

Dp let them in, and didn't ask them to remove their shoes. And I am assuming this isn't the first time they have visited and kept their shoes on? So unless it's a new carpet, I'm not really sure that you can now suddenly start demanding they take their shoes off.

I never insist on shoes off, but most people offer (because we have stupid cream carpet!)

yellowtulips I would after recovering from any hangover :) I dont vax under their feet or anything! Lol

OP has said it is her inlaws who won't wear their shoes in their own house even if they have forgotten something!

Live in Asia, so shoes off is definitely the done thing here. I wash my guest slippers frequently

Previously lived in Germany where shoes off and guest slippers were also standard. As it was colder, people wore socks for most of the year, so I didn't worry so much about slipper hygiene.

I'm pretty relaxed and would definitely not ask for shoes off in a party scenario where shoes are part of the outfit, but on a daily basis I'm so used to it, it's totally automatic.

Most people seem to do shoes off in the UK now ime too. Once you have gone there, it's hard to go back!

I'm afraid that even though I'm a shoes off indoors person, if I were in a house that had dogs I would want to keep my shoes on. Although if you were a close friend I would bring my indoor shoes to change into.

It's tough when others don't respect your house rules.

The fact that it's your PILs that you want to ban from your house, rather than a friend, makes it worse.

I've only ever come across one person whose had a 'no shoes' rule, that was before laminate/wooden flooring was as cheap as it and they had crawling babies.

It seems that people can't win here though op. Can't wear shoes, but can't be bare footed. I'd not be able to come in during the summer!

These threads come up every few weeks.

To summarise:
Some MNers always wear shoes and would consider asking someone to take theirs off, very rude and inhospitable, after all, that's what floors are for - walking on

Some MNers never wear shoes and insist everyone removes shoes on all occasions - even if they've come dressed in their finery for a party or meal and have only just stepped from the car. These people think it's rude that anyone might dare come into a house without taking their shoes off.

Most are somewhere in between.

Fact - there is no "right" or "wrong" way. It is down to personal preference.

However, if you have an illness, and the thought of someone wearing your shoes makes you that ill, then you need to ensure that everyone who might let anyone into your house understands how anxious it makes you, and then they need to explain to anyone who comes into your house. Whether it is "normal" or "unusual" is irrelevant. Even if you were the only person in the world who thought it, if it is making you ill to that extent, there are fairly easy ways around it.

Am I the only person who steams my carpets?

YABVU.

Unless you live in a mosque.

YANBU. Expecting you to take shoes off at theirs but refusing to offer you that same courtesy at yours (unless you ask them every time) shows disrespect to you and your DH.

Next time you go to theirs, I wouldn't take my shoes off and when they object, just say 'oh, I thought you would be fine it, since you don't take shoes off at my house'.

This is their son and DIL's house. You'd think they would show consideration to your feelings.

We have wooden floors but the shoes still come off and slippers on as soon as we get in the house.

Its why I have laminate flooring. Much more hygienic than carpets anyway. I'm amazed if you have ocd the grossness of carpets (and dogs) don't send you over the edge.

But yanbu to ask people to take them off imo, I always do with other people's houses.

My friend feels the same way you do OP, and for the same reasons, although she has been able to overcome it to some extent in the last few years - interestingly having a child helped her. When I visited, I always took my shoes off and obediently lifted my legs at intervals whilst she hoovered as she is my friend and I love her. It didn't affect me hugely to take shoes off but it affected her hugely if I didn't - if you can be kind, why wouldn't you be?

Nowadays my shoes are very clean as I mainly use a wheelchair . When I went into a "very trendy with teenagers" type shop with DD last week, the sales assistant exclaimed how nice my shoes were, and that they looked brand new - I did say (with a smile) that's because I don't walk around in them much and we all laughed. It was totally the sort of thing I would say myself and then want the ground to swallow me up!

It's cultural - though not just national culture probably regional. In lots of countries (in Europe not only Japan etc) it's incredibly rude to wear your shoes in somebody else's house, and there are lots of pockets in the UK where that is the prevailing culture.

Most people around here have under floor heating - all my kids' friends automatically take shoes off at the door, and most adults do too, and those who don't ask whether they should/ where to take them off. I encourage people to keep their shoes on in winter as we dont have under floor heating, but most people take them off anyway and DD'S friends (pre teen girls) looked at me as if I'd suggested they bring their bikes into the living room and asked whether I meant their street shoes (DS' s friends are always muddy and don't get invited to keep shoes on, sometimes they get offered DS' s old clothes to change into in the hall :o ) :o

I don't know why the dogs don't bother me and shoes do. Equally, I don't know why fire hazards are such a big thing for me and not the likes of flooding (so taps as opposed to electrical appliances for example). Its just how it is. I know it isn't rational or positive in any way, but I have to accept and work with it otherwise I am constantly at war with myself and I never win

In my meltdown I never thought about steaming the carpet. m0therofdragons you bloody saviour, that has brought tears of relief to my eyes

We have a 'no shoes upstairs' house rule but that is because when we moved, we inherited carpets and all the ones upstairs are pale. Can't afford to buy new flooring right now.
I always ask when I go to someone's house whether they'd prefer if I took my shoes off. Carpet is expensive!

YANBU especially if they're your in laws and you've asked them to remove them before and they don't respect that. And they have the cheek to ask you to remove yours. The dogs are irrelevant or they could bring slippers if they really wanted to.

Muskateer I keep spare socks in the car (and in my bag but I rarely remember to actually pick the bag up and take it with me). We used to go to a shoes off toddlers group, which got me in the habit - back then I also carried spare kids' slippers, though not any more :o

My OCD is actually quite good at the moment

Relatively this may be so, but it's still not great is it. What treatment are you receiving and how do you feel you are progressing?

Agree with the pp who indicated that your anger is a symptom and you need to address the cause. Being so hung up on hygiene and dirt is one reason why kids these days have lower immune systems - let them eat dirt! It is genuinely good for them to be around dirt and germs early on in life to build up their immunity. I let mine lick shoes when they were babies - they found them delicious (and they are now big bouncing extraordinarily healthy specimens)

I don't think about it a lot but just automatically go to take my shoes off both at home and when visiting someone else's home. Don't most people do this, except maybe older people? Apart from keeping the floors cleaner, it's also more comfortable.

I don't know if I've ever said anything to people, although it did annoy me when DB came round once and put his big feet in shoes up on the coffee table. But then he can be a bit uncouth in general!

So you accept your thoughts are irrational, but you want to ban your husband's parents from your home all the same?

What does your husband say about this, and why did he not ensure they removed their shoes, knowing how much this distresses you?

I don't know anyone who expects people to take their shoes off. Only heard of this on mumsnet

I don't know anyone who doesn't offer

Do people honestly go tramping over people's carpets with their shoes on? Literally everyone, from the man who came last week to fix the dishwasher, to friends who are popping in all the time, take their shoes off or offer to. I never, ever have to ask. I wouldn't actually, but it's just never necessary.

I do the same. It's normal in our world

I'm amazed to constantly hear the opposite on these threads.

I think a rule of "no shoes" is incredibly rude. We tend to go barefoot at home but I'm quite happy for visitors to wear shoes on my pale carpets .

Maybe grubby people have grubby friends and precious people keep precious friends? That would explain why I've never been asked to remove my shoes at someone's house, I would run a mile if I were.