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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:
Stinkerbelle37 · 17/04/2016 15:08

I'm shoes on for grown ups or however they are comfortable. But all children have to take shoes off.

My logic is that grown ups tend to be fairly aware of where they are stepping, and therefore know whether their shoes are clean or not and behave accordingly! Whereas I think a child might not notice and would drag mud (or my worse fear - cat/dog poo) everywhere.

Would framing it in that way help with your OCD? (I know nothing about OCD).

InlandTiger · 17/04/2016 15:10

IMO it's rude to keep shoes on when you enter someone's house. I always slip mine off at the door.

However, if you have dogs I would be reluctant to remove my shoes! How can you have OCD about carpet hygiene when you let animals walk and sit on the carpet? Even if you wash their paws they still have germy mouths and bottoms!

I would not want to walk barefoot in a house with dogs, or get dog hair on my socks.

You need to offer people slippers as soon as they enter. This is what I do, a polite 'we don't wear shoes indoors, would you like some slippers?' is perfectly acceptable.

As for the carpet, get it steam-cleaned if you're worried, the steam kills any bacteria.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 17/04/2016 15:12

Worra what do you think about the fact OP'S PIL have the shoes off rule at their own house?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 17/04/2016 15:13

Although I do agree about the dog/shoes hypocrisy!

GoblinLittleOwl · 17/04/2016 15:14

When I was a child, not everyone had an electric carpet sweeper; carpets were not fitted and were taken up and beaten outside; dried tea leaves were scattered and swept up by hand to trap the dust. I never remember anyone being asked to remove their shoes before entering a room, although family members usually wore slippers in the evening.
Nowadays carpets are made of a range of cleanable fibres, everyone has a vacuum cleaner, carpets can be professionally cleaned or carpet cleaners hired, yet more and more people seem to get hysterical over the prospect of people actually walking on them in footwear.
I would never ask anyone to remove their footwear in the house, and I have a light carpet.

6cats3gingerkittens · 17/04/2016 15:17

I always offer to remove my shoes when entering someone's home. It's very bad manners to assume you can walk crap over another's flooring.
As for my house? I hate people coming in so it is rarely an issue.
If you are thinking of buying furniture can I suggest M and S. Their delivery men donned shoe covers and put a dust sheet down to avoid any mess from packaging. They were brilliant.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 17/04/2016 15:19

The "I don't know anyone who does/ thinks that therefore it only exists on MN" thing pops up on all sorts of threads, often on both sides of the argument. .. People generally know and associate with people similar to themselves, but that doesn't mean all the people who are not the same are the product of the fevered electronic imagination of the Internet. ..

MistyMeena · 17/04/2016 15:20

YANBU.

I'm also a bit of a germophobe. Most people I know remove shoes in others' houses so not often an issue for me. I wouldn't insist on it, would just inwardly cry until they left.

We had new carpets fitted recently and the fitter said the quickest way to ruin them was to wear outdoor shoes inside. So there's another reason!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 17/04/2016 15:22

Goblin in some countries it has always been rude or worse to wear shoes in the house, and in most of those countries fitted carpets are not the norm.

parmalilac · 17/04/2016 15:23

It's a matter of personal preference, like many things we all do which can seem irrational to others! We do not wear outdoor shoes in our house, and offer to remove shoes when at someone else's house. However if they asked me to remove mine, and then had cats or dogs coming in from the garden I would be a bit peeved ...

Penguinepenguins · 17/04/2016 15:25

Had the same with currys, their delivery drivers put on little blue socks over their shoes and cleaned up all their mess - even asked if they could use the Hoover :)

I fell a little in love with them to be honest :)

Slippersandacuppa · 17/04/2016 15:43

Definitely shoes off here. Anyone visiting knows to take theirs off too. I'm from Scandinavian stock and have lived in Japan so have had it drummed into me. My children automatically take theirs off at friends' houses and will ask friends and adults to please take them off if they haven't. I'm like you and get twitchy if people don't take them off - I just don't understand it.

We also have dogs.

Original poster
JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 15:46

I keep writing things then deleting them. I know a lot of what is in my head is irrational and illogical, that's what OCD is. I know I am a lot better than I was, and what is/isn't unrealistic in terms of what I can achieve and don't really want that aspect to be questioned. I've spent a long time trying to learn to understand myself (with the help of professionals) and figure out how to manage my difficulties. I really am much better lately.

I am not afraid of mud or things like that. It is more the contamination aspect. I know where my dogs have been, because I take them everywhere. I don't know where people have been. There could be anything on their shoes. I have no way whatsoever of knowing. I know if my dogs have trodden in something bad and I know I've done a good job of cleaning their paws etc.

OP posts:
BennyTheBall · 17/04/2016 16:01

Well, you have OCD and admit to being irrational and illogical.

Therefore, if you were my friend and I was aware of your mental health issues, I would not have a problem with removing my shoes so as not to stress you out.

On the whole, however, I would avoid people who asked me to remove my shoes. I would never ask guests to do this.

StarOnTheTree · 17/04/2016 16:06

I'm the same as you regarding contamination OP, not just with shoes on in the house but also with handbags/shopping bags, etc. and surfaces that they can't be put on. To me it makes perfect sense not to put a bag on a table or work surface when it's been put on the floor in public places.

I'm also a bit of a germophobe. Most people I know remove shoes in others' houses so not often an issue for me. I wouldn't insist on it, would just inwardly cry until they left. Me too! I'm still inwardly crying at the carpet fitters yesterday Sad I've only got one carpet left downstairs now but even if someone has walked on the laminate flooring in shoes I mop with bleach when they've gone.

I would now definitely choose Currys Penguine if I couldn't decide between them and another store Grin

I think your in laws are being very rude OP considering the rule in their house. Most of my friends don't have shoes on in their houses and sometimes I even take my own slippers.

notquiteruralbliss · 17/04/2016 16:15

I didn't know shoes off indoors was a 'thing'. It wouldn't cross my mind to remove shoes (unless they were muddy walking boots) in someone's house. In our house, even muddy boots stay on when we come in. The floors are all washable.

Voteforpedr0 · 17/04/2016 16:18

Why on earth would anyone wear their shoes in somebody else's home ? If you swabbed the sole of a shoe you would find all sorts of potentially harmful bacteria and viruses that could transfer onto carpets and linger around for months. Op I'm with you on this.

Vicky1990 · 17/04/2016 16:20

When your so called friends next come to your house just say WOULD YOU MIND LEAVING YOUR SHOES THERE. (ie by the front door)
This is the expected norm now and should be expected when visiting friends houses, who in there right mind would want to wear shoes in a house anyway.
You should only need to ask once, its your house, your rules, and it is the decent thing to do.
If they object then do not invite them again, they are disrespecting you to ignore your request.

StepintotheLightleave · 17/04/2016 16:28

I think shoes and carpet thing is getting way out of hand.

It really is, its insane.

If you and your family take shoes off - wonderful, you keep your house as you feel - nice and shoe germ free 99.9% of the time.

What do you really think is going to happen when guests accidently wear shoes ONCE?

Some people keep their shoes on and have carpets! We live, we survive!

So, can you.

Taylia · 17/04/2016 16:28

No one wears shoes in my living room or dining room. If you don't like it then you're welcome to stand in the hallway or leave.

That's not ocd, rudeness or being a bad host that's the result of paying £15k to replace rotten floors in both rooms and brand new carpet I want to keep as new as possible for as long as possible.

Even my 4 year old knows there are no shoes in the living room/dining room.

carabos · 17/04/2016 16:31

We had friends who wouldn't allow unshod feet in their house. Outdoor shoes on at all times unless in bed or bathroom. No socks, slippers or bare feet. Weird.

catgirl1976 · 17/04/2016 16:39

I've never met anyone who takes their shoes off or excpets others too.

Is it a regional thing or some sort of class marker? It sounds like those people who keep the plastic on their furniture to prevent it getting marked or something

Still, if you have OCD I can understand why something like this might upset you, so on those grounds I won't say you are over reacting, but next time, you need to ask them to take them off rather than assuming.

NapQueen · 17/04/2016 16:43

Its your DPs house too.

BennyTheBall · 17/04/2016 16:44

What do shoes off people do when they have a party?

Everyone all glammed up to the nines and then expected to take off their shoes and go around in stocks/tights/barefoot? It's a bit undignified.

TaIkinPeace · 17/04/2016 16:49

If you have a party do you make people take their shoes off?

I'm currently planing DD's 18th - 60 smashed teens .... the platforms are de rigeur
thank goodness for bamboo floors that can be steamed at 3 am