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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

516 replies

JeVoudrais · 17/04/2016 13:20

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

OP posts:
BeckyMcDonald · 17/04/2016 23:02

I think 'shoes off' has become a thing since people started to get very pale coloured carpets. In the 70s, carpets were psychedelic, in the 80s they were flowery, in the 90s everyone got laminate, but now everyone seems to have cream carpets which show up every speck of dog dirt muck.

When I was little I don't ever remember taking my shoes off in someone's house. Now I don't go in any of my friends' houses without taking off my footwear the second I get in.

BeckyMcDonald · 17/04/2016 23:03

Oh, and I grew up in the north (shoes on in houses) but now live in the south (shoes strictly off).

Catmuffin · 17/04/2016 23:04

I don't want to witness gnarled feet, hairy toes, peeling skin and fungal infection.

Are you friends with the Gruffalo?

Lifeisontheup2 · 17/04/2016 23:04

I don't always take my shoes off in my own house but do in other peoples house if they haven't got shoes on themselves (except when I'm working). I don't think about germs at all, never have, I just follow what the home owner does.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 17/04/2016 23:04

Do your dogs take their paws off indoors?
Or wear doggy overshoes?

inlovewithhubby · 17/04/2016 23:05

Yeahsure - even if you were wearing a party frock and disco dancing?! That shit would kill an outfit other than (ridiculously comfy) white co PJs...

treaclesoda · 17/04/2016 23:09

I've never been in a house where people are asked to remove their shoes, and I've never ever had someone come to my house and offer to remove them. I took my slippers to a friend's house a couple of months ago, there were a group of us there, so that I could make myself at home and everyone looked at me with horror, like I had really overstepped the mark. I felt very embarassed. I'd love to take my shoes off in other people's houses, but it really doesn't tend to go down very well.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/04/2016 23:13

The only thing I find irritating about the shoes/no shoes debate is the faux disbelief ('How odd' etc) and shock that anyone does something different.

I don't know anyone who has a no shoes rule - but as an adult I understand that some people do things differently.

My feet sweat badly so I would be too embarrassed to visit 'shoes off' people.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/04/2016 23:17

Because my socks would be far less hygienic than my shoes. I can't help sweating, I wash my feet at least three times a day.

Ozwizard · 17/04/2016 23:35

Yanbu. It is a pet hate of mine. I don't like to wear shoes in my house. Shoes have trodden in all sorts outside, why have that trodden onto your carpets? My visitors are always polite enough to remove their shoes By the front door once inside. Shoes are for putting on to go outside! I automatically take my shoes off when going into other people's houses, I guess it's just habit.

dulcefarniente · 17/04/2016 23:47

I think I'd rather be offered workman's blue plastic overshoes than guest slippers. Can't quite see the point in inviting people round for a dressy occasion if you are expecting them to wear slippers. Surely you'd all be more comfortable in much more casual clothing?

Pollypotatohead · 17/04/2016 23:50

This reply has been deleted

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StarOnTheTree · 17/04/2016 23:56

It makes perfect sense to me Polly and not barmy at all. I like walking around
barefoot on the nice clean floors in my house. I like sitting on the floor too.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 18/04/2016 00:11

I think it is madness and neurotic to have a problem with shoes on indoors

Seriously?

Not just, y'know…some people prefer something different to you then?

How do you react to something important?

HidingUnderARock · 18/04/2016 00:22

.I would flatly refuse to remove my shoes going into anyones house....I completely get it if someone has OCD but otherwise just barmy!

So if you went to someone's home and they asked you to take your shoes off you would flatly refuse? Really?

And yet you "completely get it" if they have OCD?

So if they had OCD you would "get it" but still flatly refuse?
Would you expect them to explain to you that they had OCD to excuse their request?

And wanting your shoes removed in their home would be "completely barmy" for any other reason? So there is no other acceptable reason, ever, except the OP's?

hmmm

Baconyum · 18/04/2016 00:24

Pollypotatohead

The OP does have ocd
Your use of derogatory mental health language is disgusting and prejudiced.
There are valid reasons apart from ocd to do so!

SawdustInMyHair · 18/04/2016 00:35

My granny always encouraged us to keep shoes on at hers - she thought it was "a little bit common" to take them off. Blush

I don't think wondering around in your socks is very dignified for adults somehow. My parents never insisted on shoes off, and neither do I. It seems unnecessarily demanding. I take my shoes off for comfort, usually, not because it horrifies me to have them in the house.

KittyKrap · 18/04/2016 00:35

I'm sure I read something similar here years ago (various name changes for me!) and it turned into a North/South thing or a working/middle class thing.

We take shoes off, DCs do, their friends and gfs do without asking, I take mine off at MiLs. But I wouldn't dream of demanding it. Ever. You do, you don't, just don't leave dog shit on my floor!

Oh and I think the op did say she was ocd.

SawdustInMyHair · 18/04/2016 00:42

I'm sure I read something similar here years ago (various name changes for me!) and it turned into a North/South thing or a working/middle class thing.

I'd assume (basing this on my granny and family vs my friends) that it's more of a WC/'new MC' thing too take them off, and an 'old MC'/UC to keep them on. But I think we've established on this thread that samples of people-we-know aren't reliable!

I bet Susan in The Archers makes people take their shoes off.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 18/04/2016 00:50

I find having a tongue in cheek sign up helps with this issue. Like the ones that are aimed at kids saying "If you make the mess you clean it up" and ones aimed at guests saying "Please excuse the mess my kids are making memories being a-holes" but more along the lines of "We leave our shoes and our dignity by the front door"
maybe something like this:
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/251365140380?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=122&chn=ps&googleloc=1006668&poi=&campaignid=207297426&device=c&adgroupid=13585920426&rlsatarget=aud-133395220626%3Apla-156022122786&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0-L&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=122

SawdustInMyHair · 18/04/2016 00:54

There's no 'tongue in cheek' sign yet invented which doesn't come across as massively passive aggressive, sorry. It's the shoe equivelant of "the washing up fairy doesn't exist!" signs in an office break room.

Damselindestress · 18/04/2016 01:01

Ozwizard
People who wear shoes inside don't tread stuff into carpets because they wipe their shoes on the doormat. Why is that so hard for the shoes off brigade to understand?

Damselindestress · 18/04/2016 01:06

I understand that this is difficult for you because of your OCD. However if your DP forgot to ask the guests to take their shoes off then they haven't done anything wrong, just remind them next time, don't issue an ultimatum! If they flat out refuse to take their shoes off that is a bit rude because it is your home and your comfort zone. Personally I would never ask guests to take shoes off in my house but do ask if I should take my shoes off in someone else's house and respect their preferences. But actually banning someone from your house over shoes comes across like you care about the carpets more than them, sorry. I know it's more complex because of your condition but that's how it could be perceived.

babba2014 · 18/04/2016 01:11

I learnt that you have to ask guests to remove their shoes. Workers normally bring a plastic cover for their shoes but some you need to ask. We have a no shoes home because well I've seen people spit and alsorts outside and people don't see what they step on a lot of the time and I don't want that on my carpets. Yanbu but you do need to tell your OH to remind guests if that's how you roll. :)

HidingUnderARock · 18/04/2016 01:46

re the class thing, it would make sense for it to be shoes off where you've been wearing them to the farm or the mine, and along the muddy (and worse) roads, and shoes on for those working in an office/school/parliament and/or where a maid will be polishing anything that doesn't move.

But we are a bit less class based now, and other reasons are probably far more prevalent (carefully avoiding saying common :p)