To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

[JeVoudrais]

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

I was reading this thread on the train home from work. Then my battery ran out so I switched to reading my book. About two pages into the chapter I was reading, the narrator started explaining how she disliked her inlaws because when she asked them to take their shoes off in her house, they declared that it must be a northern thing because no one did it in Surrey where they live.

Everyone I know in Germany is shoes off, in the UK my parents and most people I know are shoes on, but by no means everyone. I don't think k anyone has ever directly said "take off your shoes please" but people direct you as to where to leave them, the same way they direct you where to hang your coat or offer to take it to hang up.

I only know a couple of people who have guest slippers, it's usually socks ... not bare feet. The bare foot thing only caught me out once at a toddlers group, as I just hadn't thought of toddlers groups being shoes off when we first moved here, and I was heavily pregnant, it was summer and hot and I was wearing flip flops because I couldn't reach my feet since then I've somehow always managed to be wearing socks or have some with me...

Schwabianne, social prompts......I just hope that the next time I'm invited to dinner my host/hostess doesn't appear at the door naked!. 😳

Ah why would you hope that AWalk- it would give you the potential for a thread in classics

I love these threads.

However, in this particular instance the OP INBU to be pissed off - not quite so much because the ILs kept their shoes on, but because they consider her house rules to be less important than their own. If THEY insist on "shoes off in the house" then they should bloody well take their shoes off in your house, OP!

I have a "take 'em off if you want to, or if they're muddy they must come off" rule. We have floorboards and a rug, carpets in the bedrooms only.

My Dad has a "Keep 'em on or else!" rule but will accept socked feet by the inmates, although he'd prefer us to wear slippers (CBA - the DC have been brought up to be shoeless indoors).

Other friends are mostly "shoes on or off, as you are comfortable, but if they're dirty please take 'em off" too - don't think I know anyone who is rabidly "Shoes OFF!" about it. Did have one friend who was "If you're wearing stilettoes then take 'em off" because her antique floorboards were being horribly pitted by the metal heels - but that's fair enough, IMO.

I lived in Asia for a number of years and Korean friends kept little plastic slippers by the door which guests put on. It was very rude to keep shoes on in the house.

We have this rule in our house (although I would never insist). It now feels utterly weird to me to wear outdoor shoes in anyone's house.

I am afraid I find it very weird when people keep their shoes on! I've also been in someone's house when a guest walked cat poo into their kitchen on their shoes and it was horrible!

JeVoudrais I had OCD as a teenager, it was awful, I never had counselling and am still dealing with the fall out from it. Please, please get some help for this, your GP should be your first port of all. Apologises if you have already tried this. I have never had counselling for OCD but did have it for anxiety and am now having it for an eating disorder (having made a break through on this I am now more confident it will be in the past!).

Good luck with your carpets .... but more with your health.

Flaking athletes foot? Toe jam? Bunions? Yellow toenails? Verrucas? Fungus? Stench?
Sheeesh people, take better care of your feet....

I'm hardly likely to be carrying a pair of socks, or a pair of slippers at all times,'just in case' I encounter a 'shoes off' scenario
Yet you say you are very self-conscious about your bare feet! Why on earth don't you carry a pair of socks in your handbag? A pair of trainer-socks take up less room than a packet of tissues. It is extremely rude to keep your shoes on if it's an no-shoes house, regardless of how you feel about the appearance of your feet.

Pippi, yes we wash guest slippers every time they are used. They go in a 40degree wash with bio detergent and a whitening capsule!

Can I ask what shoes-on people do at softplay and baby groups/classes? Most softplay has a shoes-off socks-on rule (my friend got told off when her 5-month-old lost a sock in the ball-pond as bare feet are banned!)
At all baby groups I've attended, the majority take their shoes off at the edges of the room and wear socks on the mats or where babies are crawling. A few selfish individuals keep them on but they are usually reminded to take them off at some point. Last week a woman let her toddler tramp all over the mats in his outdoor shoes, she looked genuinely surprised when I reminded her to take his shoes off!!
If you wouldn't let a baby lick a dirty pavement why would you spread pavement germs all over the mats and toys?

I agree some exposure to bacteria is good for building immunity, but there are also many harmful strains of bacteria particularly those found in excrement and human/animal bodily fluids. Do you wash your hands after going to the loo or is a quick wipe on a dry towel enough? Would you let your child handle a dirty poop-scoop to 'build up immunity'?

I appreciate some people are embarrassed about their feet or worried about smells, but having shoes on all day will make this worse. Feet need to air and it's healthy to go barefoot indoors, it helps prevent problems like bunions, corns, athletes foot etc.

Inland at soft play the children take their shoes off, because they are in the play equipment, but the adults are not allowed in the play area, and since the adult area is also a cafe then the rules are shoes on.

I've never been to a mother and toddler group where you would be allowed to take your shoes off. They've always been in church halls and the like, and they don't allow you to wear just socks in case you slip on the floor and hurt yourself.

I'm not adamant about shoes on, either is fine with me. But certainly where I live, shoes on is expected.

My DC wouldn't be allowed to take their shoes off in school, yet they all have to sit on the floor for assembly, or story time.

I understand about the germs but in reality I think it's a case of 'what you don't know won't hurt you'. I've never heard of anyone actually becoming ill due to people wearing shoes indoors.

treacle I like the idea of parents not being allowed on the play equipment, as especially in big soft play places which cater for school age kids my kids and I bloody hate the "fun dads" (and sometimes mums, aunts, uncle's, mum's best mate...) who feel the need to get in and play withtheir kids - sometimes several with one or two kids - as full sized adults being "enthusiastic" and "fun" are a bloody hazard to all the 15, 20, 25 kg children on the eequipment plus tendto hog things for the kids they are with and unintentionally intimidate the kids playing with other kids...

However I've never seen a no adults on the play equipment soft play - do they have high staff ratios and staff available to rescue stuck/ crying smaller children, intervene in any scuffles etc?

At the soft plays here everyone has to take their shoes off at the entrance before you go through the gate - you won't be allowed in with shoes on.

And at primary school the children have to take their shoes off in the cloakroom and go about school in socks has fond memories of two days in school in Lapland while on holiday, sliding around the halls in my woolly socks

Nat Yep soft play is like that here too - you pay then the way Iin is through a cloakroom where everyone, kid or adult, leaves their shoes. Soft play is pretty rare though - our nearest one is about 40 km away. It's absolutely huge, whiletwo eenormous warehouses, with various zones, but the whole thing is shoes off.

House shoes are compulsory at our primary school, but they wear street shoes at secondary (2000 kids on one multi building campus and changing rooms each lesson dollsbe a step too for with shoes off I guess :o )

I don't think shoes off at school or soft play is about germs precisely, it's about comfort and not accidentally injuring someone, and about visible muck - (mud and dog poo etc) being spread about on shoes.

Our house is definitely "shoes off" without exception. We have a box of plastic shoe covers in the front porch which we offer as an alternative. Close family who come around regularly leave a spare pair of slippers.

In my job, I often go around to peoples' houses and always offer to take off my shoes - I'd estimate it's half and half whether they say yes or no. Either way, it's fine with me, it's their house, their rules, them who have to pay for carpet/floor cleaning!

In nearly 20 years of having our own house, we've only really had two people who've taken offence.

One was my mother-in-law who always made a big fuss about showing us how clean her shoes were, and initially, we relented as we'd only just moved in and hadn't put down new flooring ourselves, but then one day she barged straight in with dog shit all over her shoes and trailed it through the house. I think she learned her lesson when I went ballistic on her and she then started to bring her own slippers!

The other just a couple of months ago. A plumber who came to change our boiler from cylinder to instant, so needed to do extensive work in the house removing some, and fitting new pipes. At the door, initially, he threw down his trainers like a stroppy child, and then put them back on and simply refused to remove them, nor to wear the plastic covers. Thing was, we'd already arranged with the firm that they'd bring that sticky plastic to cover our carpets as we understand some workmen need their "protective" boots to avoid that kind of confrontation. But he refused to put down the plastic even though it had been delivered by the firm as he said he wouldn't waste his time doing it! Eventually, he compromised by putting down several cover sheets, which he then had to move around the house, and take up/put down each down for the few days he was with us - spent far longer faffing around than he would have done by putting down the plastic once! Not to mention the risk of his tripping on his loose cover sheets up and down the stairs. What a plonker! (He was a crap workman anyway - beggared up the fit, didn't do the safety checklist and caused a massive water leak - massive attitude problem and we found out he was sacked).

I find this odd only on MN have I come across people leaving shoes on in others and there own houses. It's shoes off hear and if I go to any friends I would always remove shoes automatically always have done. So has everyone I've met so far, only exception beging our inlaws who when they come to our house always seem like they need to be ready to leave at a moments notice.

Which I don't mind to much now we have heard floors.

My feet are lovely.

Just don't get the shoes off malarkey. And have never met a household with this rule!

This 'everyone I know does this' really is weird. How does it work? I can only think of one occasion when someone has asked me to take my shoes off. And that's fine: it's their house, although I didn't much like doing it (there was a LOT of Lego around).

People are welcome to do what they like in my house, but I'll be keeping my own shoes on. For several reasons - because I usually like my shoes, and I have yet to find a pair of slippers I like as much as I like any of my shoes; because I go in and out quite a lot, and I'd find it a pain doing up laces 5 or 6 times a day (I'm sure if it's second nature then it's not so much of a pain); floors downstairs are hard so no worry about soiling carpets; ultimately, I guess, just because I'm not used to it, and there's no expectation.

I do find, however, that child guests are much more likely just to rip their shoes off as soon as they come in. But then, they're also much more likely to leap on the soft furnishings.

My feet are quite lovely too OH, on the other hand, has had athlete's foot a few times from the swimming pool I guess but still managed to not pass it on to me or DD despite shoes off.

Most people naturally and unintentionally are only close enough friends to be invited in with people similar to themselves I think pippi . It's mostly only people who have married into a family very unlike the one they come from, and are therefore by default "close" to people they might never otherwise naturally gravitated towards becoming friends with, or who visit a diverse cross section of society through their jobs, or who move for some reason to somewhere totally different to the place they grew up, who can no longer say "everyone I know is broadly like me and therefore everyone who says they are different exists only as a virtual fantasy presence on Mumsnet and is not Real" :o

You should see the Tatum O'Neal episode of Sex and the City: A Girl's Right to Shoes

There must be a research project in mapping shoes on/shoes off geography and demographics. Admittedly, maybe not a very exciting project but I'm finding it curiously fascinating.

bedonald I think everyone has seen that. Wasn't the problem really that her shoes got stolen... but also that her friend was expecting everything to go one way - all take and no give.

I know nobody remotely like the characters in Sex and the City, at least not well enough to invite them in... I suppose the only knowing people like you syndrome :o but evenwhen I was single and living alone in central London I'm pretty sure I didn't. .. not like the main characters nor their ott give my children presents and attend gatherings in their honour friends :o

I wouldn't expect to remove my shoes unless I'd been asked to. Next time, maybe just ask them politely to take their shoes off? From then on they should remember.

Schwab I've only ever been to four different soft play places but all of them had big signs up saying 'no one over the age of 12 is allowed on the play equipment'. They have staff there, and always a staff member at the top of the big slides to supervise, so obviously they are the exception to the rule. Have never heard of anyone being injured due to lack of supervision.

There is a separate baby area, and of course parents can go and sit there (shoes off of course) but that's generally just a few mats and those big soft climbing things and maybe a little slide.

The no parents in the play area rule works fantastically. No competitive parenting, no parents arguing with each other over whose child pushed into the queue. I was most surprised when I read on mumsnet that people expected the parents to go on the play equipment too.

That sounds a very civilised soft playaarrangement treacle - there were always parents trailing their toddlers around the ones I went to in the UK a decade ago, and the German one we go to is really big and possibly doesn't want to limit it's target market - plenty of young teenson the ttrampolines and 5 Meter high volcano they have... young teens aren't the problem though, it's the 14 stone dads chucking themselves down slides or doing play wrestling where there are other kids, and the mums so fixated on being fun for their own offspring they trip over or barge into or block the way for other children, get between sibling/ friend groups and block the way waiting for their own kid etc. Spoils it a bit especially if it's busy.