To be pissed off re shoes on in the house

[JeVoudrais]

Had visitors round this morning. I didn't answer the door as was occupied and came down 15 mins later.

Shoes on. In my carpeted living room. When they left, I asked DP and he said they always keep shoes on when they come. I expect it is because we have dogs. They know perfectly well that we rug doctored not long ago and that the dogs do not go in the living room with wet or dirty feet, though.

Regardless of how hygienic they think my carpet is, would it not be polite to at least ask regarding shoes? We have always removed shoes ASAP in their house because they take theirs off and it is expected of their guests.

I have OCD and am having a meltdown inside currently. AIBU to tell them in no uncertain terms next time that SHOES ARE NOT ALLOWED and ban them from my house if they want to keep them on?

most folks from indopak region, asia as a whole africa muslims do shoes off.

Im south asian and muslim outside dirt is not to come in esoecially since we csn use any room to pray in. We have sandals or slippers for indoors.

No one gets in my house with shoes on even paramedics that csme were guven shoe bags. I guess if the house was burning firemen would be permitted or police emergency. But no obe else. I havr shoe bags for folks if they want to keep shoes on.

We dont keep dogs as muslims the saliva of a dog invalidates ablutions if it dlovers over you . But i have ocd tendencies but id remove my shoes in ur home dog or no dog respect the rules in other ppls homes or dont enter

hows it rude to see someones socks whilst they slip shoes off what is rude about it? Im muslim so by many ppls standards my codes of modest dress is ott but wtf is rude or immodest regarding seeing someones socks???? Seriously this is makinh me laugh so hysterically.

If their socks are torn i wouldnt comment i dobt stand there watching them remove shoes either....

It's funny how the shoes-on brigade ignore the research about bacteria and still insist their shoes are cleaner than their socks

What's so hilarious about it though? I haven't been sick in over a decade, not so much as a sniffle. No one I know is a particularly sickly specimen. And no one I know has a shoes off household. Therefore I happily ignore all shoes off studies.

By any chance InlandTiger are you the artist formally known as YoungGirlGrowingOld? I remember your heated chat about your in laws rugs from the last thread. And buying 70,000 pairs of slippers from Poundland and dumping them after one use.

treacle I know it's not you personally, but are you quite sure the people you know really would find a glimpse of sock rude?

I now have that old Cole Porter song going around my head "In olden days a glimpse of stocking, was looked upon as something shocking..."

I could understand the view that wandering about in your socks might seem over familiar, a bit too settled in, or that people might have smelly feet, but socks being rude really is a window into another world...

It's funny how the shoes-on brigade ignore the research about bacteria and still insist their shoes are cleaner than their socks

What's funny about it when we know that we need bacteria for our immune systems to develop?

As someone who grew up in a spotlessly clean household and later developed serious dust allergies, I see over zealousness around germs & bacteria as more of a problem than under zealousness.

It's funny how the shoes-on brigade ignore the research about bacteria and still insist their shoes are cleaner than their socks

No-ones ignoring it. I practice infection control every day because I have to, but at home I'm not of the opinion that we have to go to such lengths to avoid the presence of bacteria.

It's also ironic how some of the shoes off 'brigade' ignore other routes for bacteria. Like you're not telling me every single one will wash their animals paws and anus EVERYTIME they've been outside. Not a chance.

Exactly. It's not so much a case of denying that bacteria come into your house on shoes and on clothes and hands which you don't take off - it's more a case of saying "So what?". Are these bacteria making me or my family unhealthy? No, we are hardly ever ill. Are they helping to build up our immune systems? Quite possibly.

Laurie to be fair I grew up in a moderately filthy house full of dogs on sofas and cats on worktops and around horses and chickens and also developed hay fever and dust allergies :o

However I think the hygene thing is a red herring - a decent, reasonable human being has the empathy and sensitivity to follow their host's lead on something as minor in the scheme of things but as important to some people on a personal level, as how to behave when a guest in somebody else's house, and really nobody should have to be asked - I live in a country where everyone takes shoes off but only small children are reminded - adults don't ask other adults, though guests entering a house only briefly might be told not to worry about shoes (picking up a child who's been to play or similar) and some people might direct guests to a place to leave shoes, which I guess is an indirect way of asking but more often means not to take them off in a narrow entrance way but to come through to the hall where it is more convenient to take them off...

I tell people to keep their shoes on sometimes, especially if despite shoes off my filthy kids and their mucky friends have she'd sand or mud from clothing within the last day half hour and the floors need a wash, and most people are a bit taken aback but manage to cope with that too :o

When in Rome etc unless there is a glaring health or safety reason that makes doing as your host does seem ill advised.

Actually although small children are reminded if necessary it's more often the case that Kindergarten age kids need to be told not to take their shoes off in hospital/doctors/dentists waiting rooms, cafes, smaller cozier shops, and if visiting any kind of office or parent's work place :o

By any chance InlandTiger are you the artist formally known as YoungGirlGrowingOld
No, that's not me and my in-laws didn't buy our rugs or slippers I get my guest-slippers from Amazon

WE DO NEED BACTERIA FOR OUR IMMUNE SYSTHEMS TO DEVELOP.

To all you 'shoes off' people all you need is a good door mat or two!!!. Asking or expecting people to remove their shoes is downright rude. 👞 🐩🐕🐈

Why is it rude to ask people to take their shoes off? I think it's rude to keep them on! Do people not wear socks?

I also have a dog, whose paws are wiped each time he comes into the living room (we have tiles or wood floor elsewhere) but we don't wear shoes in the house so I don't see why guests should? We also have a 9 month crawling baby, so I'd prefer him not to be crawling where people are dragging in dirt from outside.

In this instance, I completely agree that they should reciprocate if that's what they ask in their house. However, I ask people to take shoes off if they don't. Banning from the house seems extreme.

I do know people who would find it rude to change your shoes when you come into their house. They don't want to see your socks, however briefly

Seriously? They will be offended by a glimpse of sock?
I have never heard of anyone being offended by a glimpse of sock. How do they manage in shoe-shops/softplay/the beach? What about the top of socks being visible over boots/shoes?

I'm struggling to get my head around how a flash of sock could be considered rude!

Actually although small children are reminded if necessary it's more often the case that Kindergarten age kids need to be told not to take their shoes off in hospital/doctors/dentists waiting rooms, cafes, smaller cozier shops, and if visiting any kind of office or parent's work place

Was at the hospital with my 5 year old the other day and she wanted to take her shoes off and was quite confused when I said we don't take them off here!

Tbh if i spy or smell a filthy house from the doorway or step into it and realise its filthy, i make an excuse about my suddenly forgotton appointment, then take my leave.

If a person wants to live with shoes on in a filthy home multiple animals then thats up to them but i dont have to subject myself or my kids to that.

To the poster who said about putting babies down in a park or playing with toys at a baby play session, no to that too, my kids didnt play with other kids unless family or friends kids in the home till 2 or 3 and then when they went to nursery they would get bathed as soon as they got in, in my youngest case id wipe her hands as soon as i picked her up. Ironically it was the nursery disinfectant smell on her clothes that i couldnt stand.

Shoes in in houses are gross but i will respect the householders rule as any good guest should.

But many people really dont care about germs and dust as they have said on this threaf and thats disturbing and probably why so many public places are disgusting.

my kids didnt play with other kids unless family or friends kids in the home till 2 or 3

Poor kids.

And after all that neither shoes on or off is rude.

Its a preference that people have.
What is rude is not doing as asked or expected in someone elses house whether shoes on or off.

Im surprised people are so vocal like awalk is and are not getting this.

Take the social cues from the householder and do as in rome. Simply as that and be a good guest. This means shoes on and shoes off depending on their rules as its their home.

YABXU

I usually ask but I rink that has something to do with my being Italian and almost everyone here has indoor/outdoor footwear - for guests too. Here, unless asked, I don't honk it's an assumption.

Rather than freak out, would it not be easier and nicer for everyone if you simply asked your guests to remove shoes and provide them with clean slippers?

No Squoosh, there were 8 babies born in my family same 15 month period as dd1 and 6 with dd2 so never had to go to a playgroup. But putting a smaller baby down on a dirty floor to play with communal toys which were washed god knows when has never appealed to me.

Oops flirty you are making people with shoes off houses look like loons, please stop it!

We are a shoes off house and my kids played on grass and in playgrounds and went to toddlers from as soon as they were mobile. DC2 went as a carry along to DD's toddlers groups from a couple of weeks old.

Lots of shoes off households are not germ phobic - it'sabout respecting ppeople's homes, and it's largely cultural. After living in shoes off cultures for most of my adult life I find it is just pleasanter, more homely, more comfortable, more informal plus its muddy where I live so actual mud is not ideal tramped all over the house every day!

Even though the rural British house I grew up in was shoes on, I had friends who lived on farms where shoes automatically came off in the porch - it's normal either way, what is not normal is all the people who think anyone is "demanding" people remove their shoes and getting irate about this being "rude"

As I said up thread - "rude" does not mean "not like me" and the only "right" way to look at shoes on/ off is "when in Rome" and ask if not sure.

OP has long since fled, but her mental health surely somewhat excuses her from the normal 'hosts don'task but guests should be perceptive and not need to be asked' rule because her PIL appear to be being hypocritical in filing to respect her wishes when they have the same rule themselves and they know she has OCD.

I believe 100% it's up to the owner of the home, their house their rules and all that, but some of the comments on here about germs and all that are funny.

And it still puts me off going to people's houses if I know I have to take my shoes off. Fair enough if we are having a cozy night in with wine and pjs but not for a dinner party with guests I might not know very well. Or if it's summer and I have sandals on and have to take socks to put on ha. I don't like having bare feet.

Flirty. You definitely wouldn't like my house. We wear shoes and have a dog😃😩

Funny thing is, I have NEVER been asked to remove my shoes when visiting friends houses and I have NEVER asked anyone to remove their shoes in my house. I must have some very strange friends😃

Awalk people don't tend to ask though... like they don'task you to take off your coat, or actually point out that you should bring chocolates or wine or something to a dinner party or when staying the night with friends etc. You're meant to follow the social prompts... such as what your host has on their feet... or to ask, if you aren't sure.

flirty I agree with your 11.45 post - it was the one about not letting your kids play with non family kids until they were 2 or 3 and bathing them assoon as they came home from nursery that sounded a bit extreme! I'm a bit At all the posts tarting shoes off household with the germ phobic ott house proud borderline paranoid brush, because there are millions of households all over the world where shoes off is just normal, not a sign of an extreme level of germ phobia or reclusive/ over protective parenting/ shutting out the world etc.