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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to stab people who ask "is she sleeping through the night yet?"

173 replies

Wizzles · 17/04/2016 06:15

They don't give a shit if she is or not, they just want to be able to tell me that their little darling is.

Then there's the ones who say things like "he's sleeping through from 7 til 7 with a feed at 1am". Well then he's NOT "sleeping through" then is he?!

Disclaimer: clearly I'm not actually going to stab anyone. I'm just very tired and pissed off.

OP posts:

magratvonlipwig · 19/04/2016 14:06

Equally irritating...... Is he using the potty yet / crawling yet / reading, writing, whatever
😫

NeedACleverNN · 19/04/2016 14:14

Oh god don't mention potty training

My mil will not stop going on about it

angielou123 · 19/04/2016 14:48

My youngest is 2 now and im still out of bed at least a couple of times a night. Even my 7 yr old has me up for bad dreams/ too dark/ needs toilet, so do they ever really sleep through?

KatieCelf · 19/04/2016 15:04

Totally not unreasonable xxx

I am one of those people who have lied about my babies sleeping patterns because I don't want to upset/enrage people whose babies arnt sleeping through. I can claim no parenting skill in them sleeping through, they just did it. Why would I brag about it just to upset people. Nope. I totally hate competitive parenting.

Shockers · 19/04/2016 15:15

Mine are 15 and 17 (years, not months), they never slept more than three hours at a time until they were 12 months, and still rise daily with the lark.

My pre1998 sleepy body has tuned itself in. I wake at 5 now, whether I want to or not.

The upside is, I can generally fall asleep anywhere, at any time during the day- a skill picked up over many years of exhaustion. I have friends who are genuinely envious of this ability.

Every cloud... play the long game .

ceara · 19/04/2016 15:25

DS is 2 now. Several friends with same age children now have second babies. One asked me the other day to remind her when they start sleeping through as she couldn't remember from first time round. Me (through gritted teeth): don't know but when DS starts sleeping through, I'll tell you. Stab away.

MMammoth · 19/04/2016 15:37

She probably has more of an idea about Brexit than I do.

TheABC · 19/04/2016 15:43

My 2.5 year old still does not sleep through! The good news is that it's become part of the family routine now and people have stopped asking it; largely because I sound like a broken record (or they assume it has been resolved). I also have the consolation that DS is not an early morning riser, so I can generally bank on being in bed until 7am.

Agree with magratvonlipwig, the irritating questions never stop. Perhaps we should start up an anti-competitive parents support thread?

CP: "Oh, my darling slept through from 9 weeks"
You: Sleep is for the weak. We encourage DS to wake up frequently as the optimum sleep range for high-achievers is 5 hours".

CP: "My angel never has a temper tantrum"
You: "We are proud to say that DS has now reached the 85 decibel limit and we are training him as a substitute for the burglar alarm. We don't queue in the supermarket, either."

CP: "My sweet toddler was potty trained at a year old."
You: "DS has been too busy with football, flower arranging and mud sculptures. We plan to use bribery, the weekend before he starts school.

leholly · 19/04/2016 15:56

TheABC

CuppaSarah · 19/04/2016 16:08

Yanbu! Would it make you feel better to know that although mine slept through very quickly, I kept my mouth shut as soon as someone said their baby wasn't. Also DDs sleep went to shit at 2 and a half years and took bloody ages to sort out, I bet the same happens to them.

splendide · 19/04/2016 16:38

TheABC - I love that first one. I'm going to steal that.

PregnantAndEngaged · 19/04/2016 16:48

Worse thing I've been asked so far is if I've started potty training my son. He's 10 months old ffs.

GrandMarmoset · 19/04/2016 17:17

Mine slept through the night from 3 weeks and I secretly felt terribly smug, thinking I was clearly some sort of super human mum. However....... At seven months, she started waking every 30 minutes. Desperate and rapidly losing my mind, I eventually went to a sleep clinic, but to no avail. She finally started sleeping through at 6 years! That certainly cured me of any smugness.

SouthDownsSunshine · 19/04/2016 18:00

My dd is now 2 and still wakes multiple times a night. We've tried everything.

What makes me really stabby are people who tell me their child didn't sleep through until they're 7/9/16... I do not want to even begin to imagine many more years of poor sleep.

SerafinaScoresby · 19/04/2016 20:34

I tend to ask people this but more in a 'please help me!' sort of way rather than wanting to stealth boast. I'm generally looking for tips. My 11 month old DS is a fucker for waking in the night whereas both my cousins babies (2 yrs and 4 months) sleep through like little bastarding Angels.

I'm not really this aggressive. I'm just tired.

EverySecondCounts · 19/04/2016 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midsummabreak · 19/04/2016 22:03

still think whoever invented the '7-7' ideal for all parents to day dream about has a lot coming to them

My family of 4 children never slept from 7am to 7pm as babies or toddlers
All were 6 am risers as babies and very young children, despite having a bedtime routine and being settled at 7pm. I stopped worrying when they would sleep through There was always lots of night time waking as babies, during growth phases, viruses and so on

Now I have my 16 year old son wanting to stay up after 11pm on a school night sneaking around texting his first girlfriend As a newborn he would cry from 6pm to midnight We were told by the nurse " He would be in the top 5% of poor sleepers" Something to feel proud of and show off at his 21st

Original poster

Wizzles · 20/04/2016 07:01

I usually ask new parents "have you had any sleep yet?". It's a sort of invitation to have a good old whinge about their lack of sleep

I think that is a much much nicer way to have the conversation. Feels far less competitive (& potentially smug) than the outright "are they sleeping through? "

OP posts:

paxillin · 20/04/2016 09:35

It might just be an attempt at small talk. Maybe they forgot what it's like. I have . I remember it being a big deal, but forgot when mine did, it's so long ago. I might have asked this because there isn't a hell of a lot else you can ask about a new baby. It's not like they have any interests yet you can ask about, so it will be eat, sleep, how are you coping.

mammamic · 20/04/2016 17:22

Maybe it's genuine concern and people giving you the open option to vent - that's why I ask. And more often than not, the answer is usually - yes, we're quite lucky so far or - no and then a vent.

Maybe you are interacting with not very nice people

Flamingbluemonkey · 20/04/2016 21:16

I just think most people think this is small talk for someone who's got a new(ish) baby... I'm not sure most people know what to ask/say, and are just trying to be polite and make conversation

Flamingbluemonkey · 20/04/2016 21:17

*dont know
Oops lol

Oysterbabe · 21/04/2016 10:13

Someone asked me this yesterday but it was someone who doesn't have kids and probably doesn't have too much of a clue about babies. I just laughed and said Hell No!

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