Overstaying a welcome (to want my couch back)?

[Tooslowchickenmarengo]

Sorry this is long and more of a wwyd than aibu really.

Partner's friend has been living on our couch for the last three weeks (small one bed flat, open plan kitchen/living room). He left his previous flat share as didn't want to commit to another year long tenancy as he wasn't happy with his room and flat mates. I suspect he was a bit lonely too. The decision to not renew tenancy decided upon before he asked if he could crash at our flat whilst he looked for somewhere else so very much fait accompli and felt put in a position to say nothing but of course you can stay. Separately he asked if he could store his stuff at pils house (round the corner from us) which they obliged. This was all requested a week prior to move.

So as not to drip feed, he did the same thing two years ago (stayed on couch for six weeks, used the flat as his own, stored stuff at pils and partner helped him move when he eventually found somewhere). When he left there wasn't so much as a thank you card, bottle of wine or flowers despite staying with us despite not paying any bills or food and thus saving close to a grand on bills and rent. It is really not about the money at all - we would never accept it but a gesture would mean I at least didn't feel like we were having the piss taken.

I'm annoyed for being put in this position in the first place but also because he is a bit tight- he's not put his hand in his pocket for the last three weeks, never buys a round at the pub if we've gone out or offers to get stuff from the shop despite being happy to eat our food. I know I'm being a bitch but I'm also tired of making small talk when I get home from work or at weekend (he is always home).

I don't want to be passive aggressive and make it awkward for him (I know he is looking for somewhere and partner says he'd like to think his friend would do the same for him if situation was reversed) but he's not my friend and I'm tired of having to share our flat with him.

Wwyd? He has nowhere to live atm so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (telling him to give us our couch back / stop being a bitch and suck it up for partners mate)

hm, he was lonely in his last flat share. And now he is living in a place where he and the other people who live there are sitting together in sullen silence. What is the common denominator here? he really doesn't know how to live with friends does he - at least, they may be friends when he moves in, but....

Just think of him giving notice on his last flatshare and someone having this conversation with him.

"so you've given notice? Got somewhere else sorted, obviously?"
"yes. Well not another flat share - not yet. I'm staying with mates to save the rent"

• I bet he was talking about you like this before he even talked to you and DP.

No! Don't ask "have you found somewhere?" that implies that a. you give a shit and b. his moving out is in question. If you must ask anything ask "is your new place nice?" or "far to go to your new place? We have loads of taxi numbers on the pin board by the way, you might need them when you take your stuff from PILs"

Actually I think the OP probably would hand over cash so that he could stay somewhere else. It's not just the cost - it's having another person there 24/7 in a small flat that's really unbearable.

I suspect he had factored staying rent-free until he goes on holiday in May. He's a tight as a ducks arse so no way would he pay rent on a unoccupied room.

Does he have any other friends left? I would suspect not as he's bound to have done this before. Maybe he got turfed out of his house share for being tight - you know, the type who eats your food out of the fridge, won't buy loo roll, steals your shower gel, and has a sob story ready for when its time to pay the rent.

What gets me is you don't even have a spare bed-room and he's totally ungrateful!

Just tell him that when he was only here for a few days, you had no problem, but "as it has been some time, you have calculated that his share of food and drink so far is £x and that a contribution towards extra electricity, gas and especially hot water, would be nice. We find the easiest way is transfer money directly into our account, but if you're not set up for that, cash will have to do. Tomorrow will be fine." Then go into another room - the kitchen? make yourself a cuppa while he thinks about it, and then wander back in with your cuppa and give a bright and smiley "OK?"

Do you have doormat stamped on your head?

And as for not "not making a profit". That's never gonna happen - you need him to cover the cost of utilities he has used first. Grow a back bone. It really is pathetic.

He is doing this on purpose and is definitely taking the piss. Won't take turns to buy food or a round at the pub or help keep the flat clean and tidy?? That's the most basic level of contribution you'd expect and a thank you bottle of wine and flowers should be added to that at the end. Unbelievable! What a rude selfish man. Not a friend I'm afraid.

I have a feeling he'll be there till the end of May.

Why isn't dp his best friend sorting this out

Scrape him off now or he'll be there every time he needs somewhere to stay. How much do you spend a month on your rent and bills? He is basically saving that amount per month!

Threads like this just leave me
I cannot believe people allow themselves to be used like this! Locate your spine OP (since your partner clearly lacks one) and say
"Freeloader - I'm sure you understand that the time has come where I want my home back, and while it's difficult to say this, you've made me feel like a mug for not offering any sort of contribution for the last x weeks. I don't want us to fall out so could you please be on your way by the end of the week'
End of!

And just to add I've been using the parking space (not home!!!) belonging to a work colleague/friend for the last few weeks while she has been off work recovering from an operation. (Parking specs are like gold dust near the building). I insisted on paying her usual fare to cover her costs while she was off but she refused, so I have wine chocolates and a voucher for her for when she returns to work!

This is normal manners! This fella beggars belief, the brass necked git.

OP is he still there? wondering what the atmosphere's been like this week! hope you're bearing up and that your partner is supporting your decision.

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