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Original poster

Overstaying a welcome (to want my couch back)?

165 replies

Tooslowchickenmarengo · 16/04/2016 23:37

Sorry this is long and more of a wwyd than aibu really.

Partner's friend has been living on our couch for the last three weeks (small one bed flat, open plan kitchen/living room). He left his previous flat share as didn't want to commit to another year long tenancy as he wasn't happy with his room and flat mates. I suspect he was a bit lonely too. The decision to not renew tenancy decided upon before he asked if he could crash at our flat whilst he looked for somewhere else so very much fait accompli and felt put in a position to say nothing but of course you can stay. Separately he asked if he could store his stuff at pils house (round the corner from us) which they obliged. This was all requested a week prior to move.

So as not to drip feed, he did the same thing two years ago (stayed on couch for six weeks, used the flat as his own, stored stuff at pils and partner helped him move when he eventually found somewhere). When he left there wasn't so much as a thank you card, bottle of wine or flowers despite staying with us despite not paying any bills or food and thus saving close to a grand on bills and rent. It is really not about the money at all - we would never accept it but a gesture would mean I at least didn't feel like we were having the piss taken.

I'm annoyed for being put in this position in the first place but also because he is a bit tight- he's not put his hand in his pocket for the last three weeks, never buys a round at the pub if we've gone out or offers to get stuff from the shop despite being happy to eat our food. I know I'm being a bitch but I'm also tired of making small talk when I get home from work or at weekend (he is always home).

I don't want to be passive aggressive and make it awkward for him (I know he is looking for somewhere and partner says he'd like to think his friend would do the same for him if situation was reversed) but he's not my friend and I'm tired of having to share our flat with him.

Wwyd? He has nowhere to live atm so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (telling him to give us our couch back / stop being a bitch and suck it up for partners mate)

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 17/04/2016 14:05

Regardless of what DH thought I would give him a deadline of a week and if he wasn't gone by then his stuff would be in bin bags outside. Just to show I'm not a complete bitch I would tape the numbers for the nearest Premier Inn and Travel Lodge to the bag.

DontMindMe1 · 17/04/2016 14:56

he's doing this deliberately to freeload off people and you keep letting him.

he knows when his tenancy is due for renewal. he knows when to start looking for a new place and what to do. he just chooses not to. with an irresponsible and freeloading attitude like that i wonder why he didn't choose to sleep on his housemates sofa while he found a place?

you need to toughen up. he may be your partners friend but he's in your home. he's earning so he can easily rent himself a bedsit til he gets himself sorted seeing as he's got his things in storage.

i'd give him a deadline to be out by. also i'd charge him £30 a week for the use of gas, electric and water - esp considering he's in for most of the day. he buys his own food and cleans up after himself and does what is expected of a 'housemate'....and he can bugger off at least one evening a week and give you and your dp time together! jeez!

DontMindMe1 · 17/04/2016 15:00

stealth i hope the op laughs at him if he says or assumes that Grin

he's not a guest in op's house.

NotReallySureNow · 17/04/2016 15:03

The friend hasn't exactly made much effort to find somewhere else he chose to leave his tenancy with nowhere else to go putting pressure on you and your DP to take him in. Weird.

WHY isn't he paying for food and bills? This is yours and your DP fault you're allowing this freeloading grabby friend to do what he wants and use you as a free hotel. This is why you have a problem because you haven't ASKED him for money or TOLD him there's a deadline. Yes you shouldn't need to ask but when you're mates with tight dicks like this then you do.

RaspberryOverload · 17/04/2016 15:09

Not only should he be paying his way at the OP's flat, he should be paying a storage fee to OP's PILs.

This guy is a free-loading twat and frankly I think OP's DP will be better off NOT having this chap as a friend.

HemlockStarglimmer · 17/04/2016 15:18

We put up a friend who was temporarily homeless due to flooding. Their insurance company paid us £100 a week. Your 'friend' needs to be told that he has a week to move out and that he owes £300 to date.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 17/04/2016 15:21

I'd also only be cooking for DH and I - sponger could sort out his own meals. There wouldn't be any food left in the cupboards during the day either!

(Then again he wouldn't have been staying with us in the first place)

expatinscotland · 17/04/2016 15:21

Christ on a bike! Some people are total mugs. It's Sunday. You just tell him, This is a bit too cramped now. You have until the end of the week to find another place to stay. He doesn't buy rounds in the pub, you tell him to. STOP enabling him.

TiredOfSleep · 17/04/2016 15:22

If he's not paid rent for 3 weeks he can afford a hotel for a week or two. Give him a deadline but make it clear in the meantime he's contributing towards food costs etc.

suzannecaravaggio · 17/04/2016 15:26

he's like a human sized tapeworm isnt he

strayduck · 17/04/2016 15:29

3 week deadline to be seen to be fair and stop cooking for him.

winewolfhowls · 17/04/2016 17:16

Haha Suzanne that's a good phrase

expatinscotland · 17/04/2016 17:26

'to be fair' ?! He has saved an entire month's rent, food and bills by mooching off them and they're supposed to front him another 3 weeks?

You just tell this guy, 'This stay is getting too long and it's too crowded in here. And tbh, I feel very used as you never offer to contribute a thing. So you'll need to find another place to stay by the end of the week.' And stop doing chores for him.

Yeah, he does know he is pisstaking. He relies on other peoples' being polite.

He does this again and you bar the door. 'I need a place to stay.' 'Air B&B is always a good place to start.'

MadamDeathstare · 17/04/2016 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 17/04/2016 18:54

Yes, we have storage units here, Madame, but this guy will be too cheap to rent one.

MadamDeathstare · 17/04/2016 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainbowqueeen · 17/04/2016 19:14

If this guy treated his flat mates the way he is treating you I can see why he is constantly having to move.

Id say the house shares didn't work out due to his tightness and he chose to move on because the flat mates wouldn't put up with it anymore.

Give him a deadline. A week should be plenty

suzannecaravaggio · 17/04/2016 20:30

by cooking for him you are treating him like part of the family and someone to whom you have an obligation
that needs to stop

if your partner doesnt agree with you then it will be easy for this parasitical man to play you off against each other

you might have to play dirty and find a way to make your partner pissed off with mr leach so that he starts to see this sofa dweller as a problem
at the moment you seem to be bearing the brunt of the problem

Ohsotired123 · 17/04/2016 20:38

I know how you feel. My DH friend moved into our house twice. The second time was for 6 months and it wasn't meant to be that long at all! Tbf he paid rent, treated us to take aways and stopped at his girlfriends most weekends. But despite all of his decency we still had to ask him to leave! And in your case you are totally reasonable to ask him to move on. He's an unproductive cling on and actually costs you money. He needs to go otherwise he will really outstay his welcome and get too comfy.

Not sure what else he expects either? A free ride for how long? Try and set a date with him that you'd like to get back to normal.

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin · 17/04/2016 21:22

He works from home?! Do you mean he's in your house all day using your WiFi, electricity and heating and helping himself to lunch and snacks and tea? Plus free accommodation and storage? And you pay for his drinks at the pub? He's having a laugh.
I'm raging on your behalf.

suzannecaravaggio · 17/04/2016 21:34

does he hypnotize you both every morning :o

suzannecaravaggio · 17/04/2016 21:35

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, ...

SabineUndine · 17/04/2016 21:51

I do wonder if he actually hasn't got any money? That might explain sudden need to move and the fact that he hasn't paid for anything. I would tell your OH it's time to give the chap an ultimatum - he's got another week and after that you are charging him bed and board. Bet he moves quickly enough.

Original poster
Tooslowchickenmarengo · 17/04/2016 22:53

It does sound wet doesn't it? I'm not quite sure why I have such a problem being assertive at home when I can do it at work just fine! Definitely need to work on it but this situation will definitely not happen again.

Final straw today; on way out for lunch he mentions to DP about going on holiday at the end of May - but jovially mentions he will hopefully be out of our hair by then! No response from DP and I didn't want to go into it with him on public transport- but it was blatant attempt to test the water for how long he could stay. Went to pub where he went to the bar and bought himself a pint and sharing platter lunch to eat himself. No offer of a drink to us. Nursed his pint for 2.5 hours as we had decided not to offer to buy him a round.

Spoke to DP after he left the pub and after a not very nice argument, agreed that he needed to leave by end of April which gives him two weeks to arrange an alternative couch to crash or find a new flatshare. Agreed that we would not ask for any money as don't want to seem that we are making a profit from him being there but tell him that if he thought he should contribute anything financially he could do so when he leaves. (I'm not expecting anything to be honest- just want to get our flat back to how it was- but have put the ball back in his court for contribution anyway).

This was explained to him tonight to be met with a disgruntled 'right' and then nothing. We've been sitting in silence for the last hour with the TV on. Suspect he's waiting for me to go to bed so he can discuss with DP without me there.

His reaction tonight allayed any fear of me seeming heartless and unkind as it seems he's shocked and annoyed we've brought it up and is fully aware he's taking the piss.

Very much looking forward to May 1st and never repeating this ever again!

OP posts:
paxillin · 17/04/2016 23:01

Disgruntled "right"?! Pack his bags for him and give him the address of a B&B. Tell PILs to charge for storage.

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