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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell husbands friend not to drink

228 replies

Seeyalater · 13/04/2016 19:40

im pretty sure I'm nbu but my husband thinks I am?!?
My oh is having a friend stay over on sat night (he lives 2hrs away so he stays in spare room), they will go out for dinner and then play PlayStation/drink cider etc which they do every so often. However, I'm 38 weeks preg so husband won't be drinking, and I have said he ought to tell his friend not to have a drink while here as if I go into labour he will need to go home. Dh thinks he will be ok just to be in another room.... Shock I can't seem to get him to understand that having a random about the house when I'm
Labouring is not ok Angry

OP posts:
septembersunshine · 13/04/2016 20:58

I would say postpone the visit and your DH can tell his friend they will go out and wet the babies head after it's born and everything has settled down. I think I'd be a bit similar - although I wouldn't tell him not to drink. I think the main problem is he can't return home alone easily. I am sure if he lived locally you would be a lot more chilled. I had all three of my babies before 39 weeks!

tinyterrors · 13/04/2016 20:59

Second labours, or third or fourth for that matter, aren't necessarily faster. My first was two weeks early and a four hour labour, my second was also two weeks early but a seven hour labour.

gamerchick · 13/04/2016 20:59

And meanwhile back in the real world, OP wakes up in the morning still pregnant or scarper in fear at the mention of the words ' I think the babies coming'

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/04/2016 21:05

Omg arandomname you and yours have a serious problem if having a drink = totally pissed and vomiting. Most people aren't like that.

WhatHo · 13/04/2016 21:06

YABU, but I feel your pain... this is exactly the sort of thing I obsessed about in the late stages of pregnancy and was in full-on hormonal overdrive, "What if i go into labour and the guy is TOTALLY drunk and my water BURSTS and he starts laughing and taking pictures and won't leave and then he's still there THREE DAYS LATER when I'm breastfeeding and bleeding all over the sofa????"
Pregzilla here. Grin

Look, you know that nothing's probably going to happen, right? But equally you are probably tired, fed up, exhausted and you don't want guffawing, gunfire and GTA late into the night. I vote postpone.

tinyterrors · 13/04/2016 21:08

I think if the friend was the type to get so pissed as to be vomiting everywhere and incapable of standing then it would have been mentioned in the op.

The op's dh wants to have a night with his friend and has agreed not to drink. It's not like he's wanting the friend to cone round so they can get shit faced when the op is two weeks overdue.

It's probably 90% certain that the op will still be pregnant on the Sunday, and if she makes it so awkward for the friendby banning him from drinking that he cancels then op's dh would likely be pretty annoyed when there no sign of the baby for two weeks.

Friendlystories · 13/04/2016 21:14

YANBU OP. If DP's mate wants to have a drink there are plenty of other places he go other than your home. I don't see the problem with your DP telling him 'you're welcome to come mate but we're an alcohol free zone til after the baby's born', if his mate is bothered he doesn't have to come. For me, a life changing event like having a baby trumps anyone's 'need' to have a few ciders.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2016 21:17

Good lord.

How do you think people who don't drive, manage to get home? Confused

eloquentlyineffable · 13/04/2016 21:18

Many people are saying 'you cannot tell an adult whether they can drink or not' but I'd like to think that if I'm in my own home I can decide whether it's okay for visitors to have alcohol or not? Particularly if I was pregnant and wanted to ensure there wasn't even the possibility of someone ending up drunk and unable to leave if necessary (because of labour).

I vote for postponing it too. Personally I'd probably ask that they didn't drink (I can't imagine that they wouldn't be able to have fun without alcohol) but if you don't feel right doing that the best thing would be to postpone it if you don't feel comfortable. It will be a welcome relief for DH to have a night with his friend once your baby is here too.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 21:21

Those of you who are saying the OP is unreasonable for asking him not to drink - have you given birth yourself?

Yup!

Unicorn or Hippogriff Worra?

arandomname · 13/04/2016 21:21

"you and yours have a serious problem if having a drink = totally pissed and vomiting. Most people aren't like that."

I never said they were. But it's not a chance I'd like to take when pregnant.

Also, my last scenario wasn't anything to do with people getting outrageously drunk:

I) drunk friend is only a bit tipsy but too drunk to drive. OP goes into labour while he is still awake. She finds his presence in the house an intrusion. She feels vulnerable and not comfortable to be herself and go with the labour, even though she's in her own home. Consequently contractions slow down, as she's stressed, making for a longer, more difficult labour

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2016 21:23

I) drunk friend is only a bit tipsy but too drunk to drive. OP goes into labour while he is still awake. She finds his presence in the house an intrusion. She feels vulnerable and not comfortable to be herself and go with the labour, even though she's in her own home. Consequently contractions slow down, as she's stressed, making for a longer, more difficult labour

"Oi John. We've ordered you a taxi. It'll be here in 10 minutes"...

SpecialNonOperations · 13/04/2016 21:24

The only one being unreasonable is the husband for organizing a PlayStation night when his wife is 38 weeks.
I wouldn't want him there, let alone there and drinking.

arandomname · 13/04/2016 21:27

Seeyalater, going back to your OP

"Dh thinks he will be ok just to be in another room.... shock I can't seem to get him to understand that having a random about the house when I'm
Labouring is not ok "

This is key.

Of course it's not OK. Ask him if he'd like your friends to watch him while he bathed or went to the toilet. It would make him feel uncomfortable, right? Times that by thousands.

Does he realise also that it doesn't matter whether you are being unreasonable in your requests or not? If something makes you feel uncomfortable enough it could make your body feel it's not safe to give birth, contractions could stop and therefore prolong the labour (and your suffering) considerably - does he understand that?

Dutchess61 · 13/04/2016 21:29

Don't get it at all. Husband is being a wanker to even suggest it.

arandomname · 13/04/2016 21:29

WorraLiberty have you read the thread? Apparently he lives 2 hours away. OP has not said whether getting a taxi is feasible.

A taxi 2 hours from where I live would be like £70+

TwentyCupsOfTea · 13/04/2016 21:31

I honestly think you are worrying too much. Enjoy the evening. If labour starts he is a grown man who will leave if needed, you won't have to worry about it! Pork ole give birth all the time between 35-40 weeks, you can't spend 5 weeks on alert.
If it's worrying you this much I agree postpone.

AngharadTheSplendid · 13/04/2016 21:31

Ever heard of a taxi? Or a train? As if the guy is going to want to hang around in the very unlikely event she goes into labour! Talk about mountains out of molehills.

Ohsotired123 · 13/04/2016 21:32

I'd put the visit off or just roll with it. If you go into labor he won't stick around will he. I think YABU because it's not something he can do once the baby is here, let hîm have his mate time.

Your husband shouldn't be drinking so that makes sense to me. Anything that would put him over the limit shouldn't be allowed. It's not uncommon to go into labor at 38 weeks, but you can't put yours and dh life totally on hold. I know it's stressful , my dp got arseholed when I was 39 weeks and I spent the night furious in case I went into labor. She was 10 days late in the end!

coconutpie · 13/04/2016 21:33

Your DH is being very U here. He should not be organising PlayStation / booze night at your home when you are at full term! Cancel the visit.

OddSocksHighHeels · 13/04/2016 21:34

Also, some answers seem to be presuming that OP will be in labour on Saturday. Chances are,statistically, that she won't. If she wasn't comfortable having anybody over then fine. If her DH told the friend that OP may well go into labour and he might need to leave then fine. That isn't what she said - she seems happy for him to visit but wants to ban him from drinking when either of the first two options just seem far more sensible.

He might not even want to drink when he realises your DH isn't.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/04/2016 21:44

I wouldn't ban him from drinking.

I would simply say beforehand, 'if I go in to labour, I would like you to leave please.'

Leave it up to him whether he gets taxi/train/ hotel/doesn't drink.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/04/2016 21:45

Yanbu

38wks and don't want a drunk guest in your house. Agree with pp that your dh needs to understand that you want to be in a comfortable environment in case you go in to labour. The odds aren't lottery low, you're 38wks, could be any time.

pearlylum · 13/04/2016 21:45

"then play PlayStation/drink cider etc"

Sounds quite a catch.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/04/2016 21:46

But fwiw, personally I wouldn't be bothered either by a) my dh having a drink b) my dh having a friend over as detailed or c) having sineone else in the house in the early stages of labour. On the contrary, they could help out.