To tell husbands friend not to drink

[Seeyalater]

im pretty sure I'm nbu but my husband thinks I am?!?
My oh is having a friend stay over on sat night (he lives 2hrs away so he stays in spare room), they will go out for dinner and then play PlayStation/drink cider etc which they do every so often. However, I'm 38 weeks preg so husband won't be drinking, and I have said he ought to tell his friend not to have a drink while here as if I go into labour he will need to go home. Dh thinks he will be ok just to be in another room.... I can't seem to get him to understand that having a random about the house when I'm
Labouring is not ok

YABU to tell the friend not to drink.

However maybe ask them to postpone if you are worried.

I was coming on to say Travelodge too. Find your nearest one (unlikely to be full up on a random night in April), get some reliable taxi numbers together, put it all on one sheet of paper, give it to friend with a wink and say 'if I go into labour, this is your escape route'.

If he's halfway normal he'll be out of there like a bat out of hell if you do start having regular contractions.

I would postpone his visit, but then I was really nesty at 38 weeks and just wanted to be at home with my H.

" you really can't tell another adult that they aren't allowed to drink."

Why on earth not?!

She's not saying he can't drink, ever. She's saying please can he not drink just this time, for the very practical reason that she'd like him to push off if she goes into labour.

We expect other people not to get drunk on lots of occasions - when babysitting our children, driving a car, operating machinery etc etc.

She's asking him to be able to remain capable of removing himself, without help from her house, should she go into labour.

The last thing I'd want to deal with in labour is a pissed person.

The OP could say that she didn't want people coming round at all. But she's trying to be reasonable and facilitate it happening, just removing the bit that turns it into a liability for her.

Those of you who are saying the OP is unreasonable for asking him not to drink - have you given birth yourself? And if so would you be happy to have to deal with an extremely drunk person in your house when in labour?

I certainly wouldn't!

Bearing in mind - as I'm sure the OP is - that second labours are faster too.

It's the last thing I'd want, and it has the potential of interfering with labour.

Drunk people can be spectacularly annoying as I'm sure you all know!

Op YANBU
I went into labour at 38+2 and had my FIRST BABY 6 hours later. No indication that I would go into labour before my due date

Yabu.

Ask DH to cancel if you really don't want him there, but you can't invite someone to your house and then be so controlling.

Cancel his visit.
I'd have hated a bloke staying and going out drinking with DH with both imminent. Whether or not you go into labour is irrelevant.....at 38 weeks, I just wanted to spend the last few weeks with just me and DH.

arandomname yes ive given birth 3 times.

A) it's very unlikely she'll go into labour on the saturday night at 38 weeks

B) the OP's Dh isn't drinking

C) if she goes into labour, her Dh hasn't been drinking

D) if she goes into labour before the friend has had a drink he can go home

E) if she goes into labour after the friend has had a drink, he kips down in the spare room as planned, and goes home in the morning

What is so difficult about that? The mind boggles.

"Your husband is banned from drinking?"

It's very normal for OHs to not drink when their partners are ready to pop. Is this really news to you?

My other half loves a drink, but he didn't drink when I was very very pregnant because:

1. I needed him to drive me to the hospital
2. I needed him to be my birthing partner, not an annoying / asleep drunk person in the hospital

Please don't make out like the OP is being controlling, this is very normal stuff.

Enjoy having a go a pregnant woman, do you?

I have given birth twice. I dont see why this man would "extremely drunk" or even slightly drunk. They intend to have dinner and drink cider whilst playing playstation. I'm a tiny lightweight and i wouldnt expect to be drunk in those circumstances.

Those of you who are saying the OP is unreasonable for asking him not to drink - have you given birth yourself?

Yes thank you including twins.

And if so would you be happy to have to deal with an extremely drunk person in your house when in labour?

How has it jumped from having a drink to extremely drunk?

Personally I wouldn't want to turf sone one out either in the early hours/very late after little or no sleep and a 2 hour journey, which is why I suggested postponing.

Don't be ridicuous arandomname

Loving all the assumptions about drinking alcohol automatically making you pissed!

You can't tell another adult not to drink so the visit had better be rearranged - it puzzles me if you feel like this it was arranged in the first place.

I love the way playing on PlayStation and drinking cider turns into an extremely drunk person.

Seriously, sack off the visit so you don't turn into a pregzilla story to be shared at a later date.

aran I think she can't ask him not to drink because there are other options. I initially said taxi but hadn't been paying close enough attention to the distance. If it's still fairly early then he could probably use public transport or, if not, he can stay in a cheap hotel for a night. There's also no reason to think he would be pissed - just over the limit for driving.

And, yes, I have given birth and ex had been drinking when I went into labour. I wasn't particularly impressed with him but that's not really the point.

Arandomname, you seem to be taking people's opinions that aren't the same as yours so personally, what a ridiculous thing to say "enjoy having a go at a pregnant woman".

The OP doesn't want her DH's friend there while she's in labour. There is nothing unreasonable about that. I wouldn't want anyone other than my spouse/partner there either.

It would be unreasonable to ask him not to drink but not unreasonable to expect him to have a plan in place so he could leave within a short amount of time (eg 10 mins) of labour starting.

Any woman in labour has the right to feel comfortable and relaxed while in labour and if, in the OP's case, that means the friend going straight home so be it.

I had my first baby at exactly 38 weeks after a 4 hour labour. It was a shock when my subsequent children were born at 40wks plus 2 days- I'd been expecting them to arrive sooner as well.

I would expect my DH not to drink as he'd be the one driving me to hospital.
I wouldn't want a drunk friend (or a sober one for that matter) at my home whilst I was labouring.
Yanbu OP, good luck with your new baby.

Where did the op say her dh's friend gets extremely drunk?

Yanbu asking your dh not to drink so close to your due date.

Yabu if you ask your dh's friend not to drink while he's there.

If the norm is for them to get drunk on these nights rather than have a few drinks, then I can sort of see your point. However, if your dh isn't drinking at all then it's highly likely his friend would only have a few.

I'd get your dh to say to hos friend that if you go into labour then he's on his own. I can't imagine the friend would want to stick around and even if he can't drive home would likely make himself scarce in the spare room. If he's a friend presumably you trust him to be in your home if you do have to go to the hospital.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I were in your position as long as my dh stayed sober and the friend didn't get completely smashed.

I do have dcs, and have quite fast labours, and still wouldn't be overly fussed in op's position, unless I'd planned a home birth which op isn't.

I'm astonished by most of the responses on here. The OP isn't telling her husband's friend not to drink per se, but the fact remains that if she goes into labour she (quite reasonably, imo) will want him to leave and to do that he has to be able to drive (unless he wants to pay a small fortune for a two-hour taxi ride). Personally I think she's being quite accommodating (literally) letting her husband have a friend stay over.

"What is so difficult about that?"

You've forgotten some options:

I dunno about your mates, but this is the kind of thing I expect from drunk people:

F) drunk person is awake when OP goes into labour and decides to be a "helpful midwife", except the only person who thinks he is being helpful is him, he is too pissed to understand and just won't leave the OP in peace

G) drunk person is drunk, vomiting and incapable of standing. OP's DH has to deal with this, leaving her to labour alone

H) drunk friend is fast asleep, too drunk to wake up - but labour is progressing and OP and her DP have to go to hospital. What do they do with him? How will he lock up? Should they leave keys? Will the house smell of booze when they bring the new baby home? OP doesn't want to have to think about this stuff, she wants to focus on her labour.

I) drunk friend is only a bit tipsy but too drunk to drive. OP goes into labour while he is still awake. She finds his presence in the house an intrusion. She feels vulnerable and not comfortable to be herself and go with the labour, even though she's in her own home. Consequently contractions slow down, as she's stressed, making for a longer, more difficult labour

... and so on.

Or the mate could just not drink.

I dunno about your mates, but this is the kind of thing I expect from drunk people

Don't know about your mates but having a drink does not automatically getting drunk.

You are putting words into the OP that don't exist and pursuing your own agenda.