significant birthday

[penguinfan]

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

The text was not tongue in cheek.

The OP is only getting a hard time because she is behaving like a spoilt child and the text she sent her brother was absolutely pathetic.

Assuming the OP is actually an adult, she needs to understand that perhaps her birthday can be celebrated on another weekend.

Any sympathy she may have had was taken away with the wording of her PA email! Thats assuming that she actually sent it of course...

If your significant birthday and party was discussed a short time ago, then surely your SIL and brother knew then that this was the only date they could get for the church? And they already knew? If not then it seems a huge coincidence and I don't believe it is the only date at all. Or they already knew, didn't tell you then rushed the save the date cards out before you told people when your party was going to be.

"Is being this childish about significant birthday celebrations normal? Surely not"

No perhaps not, but none of us like being treated with contempt.

Her brother could have given her a quick ring at any point since booking the church to let her know that they'd booked their wedding for the same day as her X0th birthday, so there was likely to be a clash of plans. Hell- he could have paid lip service and even pretended to be a bit sorry.

But he couldn't be arses- not even when he was sat at the table listening to her talk about her plans for next year's party.

I don't believe anyone who says they wouldn't be hurt as such a display of inconsiderateness.

Text not email

OP sounds like she's going to be the SIL from hell - perhaps she could point her brother's fiancée towards MN so that we can read her future posts.

"The wedding is booked for the day of my birthday at this church and the reception/evening do is being held in the grounds of her family home."

Originally I was going to say back off, but ... given your brother's reply and especially that you had previously indicated your intent to have a big birthday party ... I would now send out invitations to all family members, adding a note saying "Sorry there is a bit of a conflict of interest here, but you will remember that I told all of you (including DB & SIL2B) about my party a month ago."

Then sit back and watch the sparks fly!

You might as well get some fun out of this!!

The OP is getting a hard time because when you're an adult there is no such thing as a significant birthday. It's just a day, if you have a lovely family they will mark the day by giving you nice cards and some gifts but in the grand scheme of things it's not important!! We all have them annually. A wedding is once in a lifetime (we like to pretend when we're planning them)

what? no, you totally got in there first with the date.

I'm sorry but it sounds suspicious to me. I would ring the church.

if it turns out to be a lie, say you can't go because of your birthday wtih your friends.

doesn't sound like you have much to lose anyway really!

what? no, you totally got in there first with the date.

I'm sorry but it sounds suspicious to me. I would ring the church.

if it turns out to be a lie, say you can't go because of your birthday wtih your friends.

doesn't sound like you have much to lose anyway really!

Good grief!

The thing is all this could have been avoided if Brother and SIL had said to the OP before they sent the save the date cards out:

"I know you mentioned having a party on [date] next year for you birthday, thing is the only date we can get the church for our wedding is that date, hope you understand but we are going to go ahead on that date"

I don't buy that they didn't know the clash, OP had specifically mentioned it at the dinner, that date would be etched in their brain if it was their potential wedding date. They have just decided to avoid a potential confrontation and bag the date as fast as possible.

At the end of the day, to be fair wedding trumps birthday I think especially if that is the only day the venue is free. I personally wouldn't have sent that text OP but it is done now. You can have your party on the weekend before or after OP and it will be just as fun.

If I was you OP I would text brother back and say, you know I wasn't being serious about the joint celebration and inviting my friends to your wedding, I was just making the point that it might have been nice if you had mentioned it to me before I got the save the date, having only been discussing it a few weeks ago.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??"

Which people are you referring to, Pike? Or are you passing judgement on the entire human race?

under different circumstances, I'd say a totally different thing but the story here sounds like it was deliberate.

Your text was amazing as I think she did this on purpose, and hence them checking first to make sure all can make it.

Are there lots of people who would attend your birthday and the wedding as well? Because if not and I were you I'd be inclined to go ahead with my big party on the same day and miss the wedding.

If there are lots of people who will attend both, I'd make my party the night before, or at least tell your brother you'll do that and I suspect it'll worry her then that people will be tired or washed out for their wedding :)

Oh yes, and definitely ring the church to check, 100% definitely I'd say

"If I was you OP I would text brother back and say, you know I wasn't being serious about the joint celebration and inviting my friends to your wedding, I was just making the point that it might have been nice if you had mentioned it to me before I got the save the date, having only been discussing it a few weeks ago."

This

Oh ... but send out your birthday invitations first!!! You could send e-invitations, for speed.

Weatherwax must be a goady fucker. No other way about it.

^^

You're a nasty person, Weather. Passive aggressive and self centred, nasty.

And a bit of a stalker if you think ringing the church is a good idea!

invitations to all family members, adding a note saying "Sorry there is a bit of a conflict of interest here, but you will remember that I told all of you (including DB & SIL2B) about my party a month ago.

FAmily members won't choose a birthday over a wedding. You'd just look lik you have lost the plot entirely.

I'm weeping for humanity.